I am now down a total of 1.8 pounds. I still have to see myself lose 5 pounds after the first week in order to believe it. I’m not going to really get excited unless I get under 145, because anybody can lose a few pounds.

Yesterday we went to the grocery store so I could stock up on vegetables… carrots, cauliflower, butter lettuce, radishes, alfalfa, green beans, yellow squash and light Ranch dressing. I have these in between meals and especially when the hunger gets really bad, but veggies will only fill you up so much. It’s kind of strange how yesterday was easier than today. Yesterday wasn’t that bad, but today I woke up really hungry and I’ve been that way ever since.

After we returned from the store we walked down to the clubhouse and back. Actually, I ran most of the way and waited for Tom to catch up as he walked, haha.

The bad news is that I was sitting at my computer when an anxiety attack hit for about 60 seconds. Thank goodness Tom was home but it was still a bit scary. My first thought was that I was going to get sick and like I might be having a bad reaction to the vegetables. It started with that funny feeling in my head and then my heart started racing like crazy. Tom thinks I just got overheated and did too much with too little in my stomach, but I don’t know. I hope he’s right and I really hope this doesn’t become a regular thing again. I’ve never had this shit happen to me before last summer. There are actually two types of anxiety I’ve experienced. Yesterday’s quick attack, and then an underlying raciness/jitteriness, which can become more than just physical when negative emotions accompany it. That’s when it was at its worst and I hope to hell it doesn’t get to that point again.

Tom had to remind me that an anxiety attack doesn’t mean that you’re anxious about what’s going on with your life. I don’t care what causes it; I just don’t want to deal with it again. I was just about ready to venture out on my own here and there with the workouts, but now I’m afraid to once again. Trust me, you don’t want to have an anxiety attack when your heart’s already elevated from working out. It’s a good thing that Tom’s gotten into working out as well because I will always work out with him. Even if he’s not working out while I’m working out indoors, I want him to at least be here while I’m doing it. I just don’t feel comfortable knowing these things can creep up on me anytime, anywhere.

Once upon a time, I had the threat of asthma attacks hanging over my head, and now I have this. “You learned to manage the asthma attacks and you can learn to manage this, too,” Tom told me. Yes, but I would really rather not have to.

I received my toe rings yesterday and it’s too bad they’re a little big for me because they’re really nice. Oh well, I can at least wear them as pinky rings.

Yesterday we cleaned the oven with Easy-Off and it really stunk like hell. Sure looks better, though, even if we don’t use it much.

Last night I dreamed that we were living in a house that was attached to somebody else. There wasn’t just a dividing wall, but also a large window. I could look through it and see a TV straight ahead. Three people sat just under the window watching the TV.

There was another dream where I was squealing with childlike delight at some whale show as the trained whales jumped out of the water.

Later…

Whoa! Had a racing heart earlier after I was done listening to loud music through the headphones. I know loud music can elevate our pulse, but still, this isn’t exactly a good start to the New Year. It took a while for me to get it to slow down and even when it wasn’t beating very fast it was still kind of hard. I also had that feeling where I was short of breath and I now have a slight headache as well. I feel better lying down but I didn’t want to lie in bed all day either. Too much to do around here.

Really, really hope this doesn’t become a regular thing again and that it’s not tied into the medication. I absolutely do not want to go through this again. It is a sad, frustrating and even scary way to live. I briefly entertained the idea of my first chill pill in over a month, but now I feel okay. I will just try to take it easy for the rest of the day and not do anything too physical. Come to think of it there isn’t really that much to do anyway at this point. I already worked out, the house is clean, and the laundry is almost done, so there really isn’t any reason to do much else for a while, but get up and get an Ibuprofen for my headache.

I already did my Dutch lesson for the day, so maybe I’ll go do some editing and then some reading. If it stays quiet I might even catch a movie on Amazon.