Slept much better last night, although I woke up a few times along the way as I usually do. I was almost afraid to go to sleep at first because of the way I had woken up with a racing heart the night before. Pretty sure now, as Tom also suspects, that I just overheated in my sleep. I made sure to sleep with the fan on last night.

The endo doctor’s office called and my TSH is now down to 13. Not under the 10 the doctor wants me at, but much better than the 32 I started with. I explained to the nurse I spoke with how I jumped to 75 micrograms the last two Saturdays and experienced a racing heart and therefore I don’t think I can take over 50 micrograms. I also sent the doctor a message online as was suggested to me but I don’t know if she got it because I never got a confirmation.

It’s a shame that these sites don’t work more efficiently, especially when it’s dealing with people’s health. I also don’t understand why I have to play phone about these numbers that could be given to me online. I guess the nurses just wanted to verify things but still, I wish we could do all this online.

Anyway, the doctor is now up to date on what’s going on with me, and I had actually planned to contact her soon anyway. I was just waiting until I saw my primary on Friday. I don’t know if 13 is considered dangerous in the long term, but my guess is that it isn’t. Not sure if she’s going to try to push me to go over 50 micrograms or not. I sure hope not. I really don’t want to do anything I don’t feel comfortable doing. I understand that they can’t make me do anything I don’t want to do, but still…

No one ever said anything to me about what my cholesterol levels are and I didn’t think to ask. I expect to find out on Friday from my primary since they can’t seem to post anything online. Makes the site kind of pointless, especially if my message didn’t go through.

My day ended on a depressing note yesterday. You know how sometimes we fall into this funk we can’t pull out of even when things aren’t really all that bad? Well, it was kinda like that. I just sometimes feel like I live alone when Tom is out of the house for 11-12 hours as often as he is. But being the lead and being in a busy department, the OT is part of his job. The money is great, but honestly, I would rather go back to being poor and feeling better both mentally and physically. I know I’m doing a lot better than I was months ago and I now know for sure that YES, the levothyroxine WAS what was affecting my anxiety and other things when I was on a dose that was too high for me (I had my doubts at times only because the problems don’t stop the instant you lower your dose or stop the meds), but I would still like to have better days more often than I have been having. Having my period also didn’t put me in the greatest mood, but I am caught up on my sleep and I feel better now. Just a little overwhelmed still with all the appointments and medication issues.

Yesterday I reorganized the cabinets and drawers in the master bathroom. I always do things to keep busy both on and offline, but sometimes my thoughts still get the best of me.

I don’t remember much of my dreams last night other than sitting down to eat a meal with Tom in which I poured hot fudge on my mashed potatoes, LOL.

Later…

Felt a little on edge throughout the morning and I occasionally get this strange feeling where I can feel and hear the blood rushing through my neck. Tom and I suspect that that is because I need my artificial ear canal cleaned which is one of the things I will be discussing with my primary doctor on Friday. I suspect that she will refer me to a specialist and so that will make yet another appointment I will have to deal with and more money I will cost us.

I still don’t know for sure if the anxiety is because of the thyroid, the medication, or if it’s something else. Maybe it’s just me feeling overwhelmed with all the appointments and medication issues although it still seems a bit extreme for me. It hasn’t been bad enough that I’ve needed a chill pill and hopefully it won’t get there. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever feel like my old self for more than a few days at a time. If I knew for sure what was what, that might help.

Sometimes I feel a tightness in my throat or like I’m going to have trouble swallowing even though I can swallow just fine, and I ask myself, is that the meds or just me being anxious? Still feel these little pulses of aches that almost feel like bruises around my neck at times too, though they’re infrequent and only last a second or two. Again, I’m so on edge now that I question every little thing I feel. I wish both my doctors could magically feel everything I’ve felt just long enough to get a better sense of where I’m at. I’d just hate to complain about every little thing I feel, but at the same time, I don’t want to not mention something thinking it’s not important if it really could be. I’m sure I’ll feel better when Tom gets home. Till then I try to do things to keep my mind occupied, but the problem is still there on and off no matter what I do.

Once I called my sister and it got closer to the afternoon I started feeling better. I almost feel bad about crying on Tammy’s shoulder because her situation is much worse than mine. Her lung condition is irreversible. Just in the short time we talked her voice went from normal-sounding to very hoarse. She is still suffering from really bad allergies and has to take medication for that which can cause her additional problems with its side effects, along with all the other medication that she’s on for other things. Her immune system is the opposite of mine, which means she’s very easily prone to infections.

Anyway, I swear I talked on the phone today more than I have in a whole month. I couldn’t get the message to my doctor to submit and so I ended up having to call their help number to be told to take out the apostrophes in my message in order to get it to go through.