I am now appointment-free until June 9th… Yay! 

Last night I dyed my hair and it was the easiest dye job to do in years with my hair being so much shorter. 

We changed the air filters in the air cleaners in the bedroom and living room and they will be good for a year. 

Got up this morning and was a little tired. I am going to sleep for a million hours tomorrow, alarm-free! Before I go on, and speaking of alarm clocks… although I rarely use alarms, I decided it’s time to replace the ancient alarm clock that I’ve had for at least 20 years. I’m getting a really cool one that lets you change display colors. It will be fun to change every week or two for variety. 

So I got up, took my meds, and had Alexa set a timer for a half-hour as always. Then I checked in on the usual sites I check in on before I could have my coffee. I scrolled down the Facebook news feed a little bit just to find it littered with people’s “likes,” and so I hopped onto Prosebox. 

I read something so disgusting that I couldn’t stop reading about it. It talked of how a woman carries microscopic traces of the DNA of every man she’s ever slept with for the rest of her life. Assuming this means that the guy has to cum, I thought of who else I may have been dumb enough to have unprotected sex with other than my husband that may have gotten off in the end. I can only think of one and that would be Ron. Pretty sure the few others either got off by me giving them a hand job, didn’t get off at all, or were wearing rubbers. 

The grossest part is where they talked about how a woman that swallows a guy’s cum and how the cells get behind her eyes, in her nasal cavity and pretty much spread throughout her entire body since they’re living cells that latch onto the body and basically call any host home. 

So I still have this less than handsome, partially bald, ugly, naïve, dumb-ass loser that I was too nice to say “no” to living within me however microscopically it may be, 20 years after the fact. EW! Just EW! 

As they say, never sleep with anyone you wouldn’t want to be because they will become a part of you. 

We set the bombs off and left when the landscapers that come on Tuesdays were getting started, so that was an annoyance I didn’t have to listen to. Then it was off to see the counselor, Stacey. I like her better than Dana. Dana constantly interrupted me but this one listened intently as she took notes. Although I haven’t felt the need to chat nonstop for years now, it is nice to be able to do the talking for once, instead of others rambling on and on and always interrupting me. 

I wasted no time getting to the point. Tom was with me, too. We explained to her that while we understand that the doctors aren’t doing anything wrong by referring me, and while I can understand that they haven’t known me for over 20 years like my husband, it’s frustrating and costing us money trying to get it through to them that I never had anxiety attacks before last year. I’ve had the stress from hell, but I have never experienced what I experienced last year until my thyroid medication became an issue when I had those flare-ups. 

She seemed to understand how terrified I was not knowing what the hell was going on at the time. While both are going to cause trauma and phobia, it is different if you’re threatened at gunpoint versus thinking you accidentally overdosed and may die. At least with the gunman, as terrifying as that may be, you at least know what’s going on. But when your body does something you know it’s not supposed to do and you don’t have a clue as to why; that’s taking the terror to a whole new level. The internal bogeyman can be a lot scarier than the external bogeyman. 

We all agree, however, that the events of last year did truly traumatize me and give me a phobia about taking medication in general. I have improved tremendously over the months, though. Initially, even ibuprofen, which I had taken for years for cramps and other things, seemed very threatening. 

We also told her about how the Prozac backfired on me. 

She said she would let A know that I saw her today and that she believes the anxiety is due to my thyroid as well as medication issues, and let me know that she’d be there for me if I wanted to see her again. It’s nice to know she’s there, but I think my condition is stable and that my thyroid is a lot deader than last year. I just hope I don’t get some whole new problem now that this is getting settled. 

I did learn some interesting things from her, however, that’s nice to know because there’s always the threat of future anxiety attacks for any of us, for any reason. An anxiety attack only lasts 9 minutes. I didn’t know this before. The key is learning to flush the extra adrenaline out of your system in a quicker and more efficient manner by remaining calm. She also said that deep breathing exercises might actually make it worse if you do it too late. She recommended some type of physical activity, which surprised me because I thought that would make it worse by elevating the heartbeat even more. She said that initially, that could be the case, but it would actually help calm me down faster. I just hope I continue to be problem-free on the dosage of thyroid medication I’m currently on! 

After seeing Stacey, we stopped at Carl’s Jr. for burgers and fries. 

When we got home we aired the place out and I said hello to Bob as he was walking up his driveway. He offered us a really nice square glass table that I’m guessing is about 5’x5’. I remember when we looked at this place and the realtor asked if they could leave any furniture behind that they wanted to, which I okayed, and how I hoped to myself that they would leave the rectangular glass table in which we sat talking on the patio, but they didn’t. Well, now we have one just as nice! 

Tom hosed down the white plastic chairs we got in Auburn, but the vinyl cushions were all torn up. We’ll grab some new ones soon enough. 

That was so incredibly nice of Bob! I told Tom that I almost felt guilty because we haven’t done anything for them. He said that before I felt that way, we only got it because they wouldn’t take it (they were collecting clothes today), and while it was still very nice of him, we’re technically doing them a favor by taking it off their hands. 

So now I have the table to sit at with my laptop and the swing to sit on with my Paperwhite, assuming the bees aren’t terrorizing me. 

Paula texted me to ask me to make her a lucky bracelet for her birthday. I let her know that we sent her birthday present today and she thanked me, saying I always remember her birthday. I do. 

Ugh. :( I wondered why I hadn't heard from my beloved Italian foster dad in a while, who just popped into mind. I just now decided to check obituaries and now I know why. His wife died in 2012. They were like the parents I never had and wish I'd had. Miss them so much!