I was asked a couple of questions that I thought would make good writing prompts. One was whether or not I agree with the fact that some people are being charged with influencing the suicide of others. This is a tough one for me. I would still like to think we’re responsible for our own actions, but at the same time, some people and events in our lives really can influence the things we do. So I’m a bit split on that one. 

Do I believe poverty motivated the Baltimore riots? No, I don’t. There are plenty of poor people who don’t act like savage beasts. My husband and I were dirt poor for years yet we didn’t go looting stores, assaulting people, killing people, and starting fires. I think poverty can be more of a motivation for theft and burglary, but not necessarily other things. I just think - and this is the part most people don’t want to hear - that some groups are naturally prone towards crime and violence, blacks being one of them same as Muslims. The only difference between the two is that we Americans seem to be able to see and condemn the Muzzies for their behavior, while we sit back and make one excuse after another for the blacks. Blacks may not be as bad as the Muzzies, but whether you kick the crap out of somebody or kite a check, both are crimes and both are wrong. 

Over the last month or so I have gained a few pounds and I can’t seem to get them back off. I started to lose a few but they came right back, as usual. For the last six years, I used to range, depending on my cycle, between 147 and 151 pounds, now I’m ranging between 151 and 156 pounds. I knew my weight wouldn’t stay where it was forever, but I hate feeling like I have so little control over my own body. It would probably come off on a 1000-calorie a day but how many people can stand to do that day after day, week after week, month after month? 

Oh well. I didn’t ask for hypothyroidism, so there’s only so much I can do about it. I still exercise most days of the week. 

I’m probably still undermedicated, as my thyroid continues to die off. The only problem is that whenever I am on enough medication to actually lose weight, it is because it makes me anxious as hell and unable to eat as much. Seriously… you want to kill your appetite enough to lose weight? Just get sick, anxious or depressed. Realistically, though, no one wants to live that way. I definitely prefer the extra weight to feeling like shit. I just wonder how much higher it’s going to climb in my lifetime? 

Some of the hypothyroidism symptoms do seem to be returning. I’m getting feelings of fatigue, but mostly lightheadedness, feeling cold when it’s not really cold, and water retention. Could this mean my thyroid really is a little deader? I will have to ask the doctor the next time I see her and ask if she knows about how much of it is gone. If I had to guess – and this is simply a guess – I would say a good 90% of it is gone now. 

I may not let it get cold in here, but it sure has been unseasonably cool outside. We should have been done with the heat weeks ago yet we still need it at night because we’ve been getting down into the high 40s to low 50s. The forecast shows it returning to the 80s by the weekend, so hopefully it will stay warm. 

I only remember one dream from last night, which was weird, as most dreams are. I was riding in a car late at night with two or three other people who seemed to be in their 20s or so. They wanted to dig five or six little graves and run over some wildlife out in the country and then bury them. I insisted we shouldn’t do that, not only because it seemed wrong and pointless, but because one tiny head hair of ours that might fall into the graves could be traced back to us or something like that, LOL.