Decided now’s a good time to write while Simone isn’t making her mad dash up and down the place or meowing up a storm. Last night I had to put her in the other room just to watch a movie! I played with her and wore her out a bit, but coming home to a spastic cat after dealing with doctors for hours, wasn’t so fun. We were trying to unpack the packages we got and OMG! She just had to get in the way of everything! She’s entertaining herself behind my chair right now, but I’m sure she’ll go crazy soon enough. I realize she may have separation issues, but I also don’t want to spoil her with too much attention either. If she can learn a little independence and that she can’t always depend on us, then maybe she’ll calm down a bit. She still young, though, so she’s going to be somewhat wound up for a while. 

I was in and out of the ear specialist super fast. No screaming brats, no long wait. The doctor was surprisingly young for a specialist, but it seems most doctors are getting younger these days… unless I’m just getting older. ;) 

She told me what I pretty much expected she would tell me; there isn’t anything that can be done about the chronic pain in my fake ear canal. As she said… the more procedures I have, the more problems I have due to scarring, nerve damage, and other issues. She cleaned the canal, but I just gotta deal with it and oil it every other day to keep the wax and dead skin soft that it can't shed on its own till she can clean it out periodically. I’ll see her again in two months. 

Boston and PHX may not have known I'd later have problems in life thanks to their "procedures," but had I had a mother who loved and accepted me as I am, imperfections and all, I wouldn't be dealing with this shit today. Appearance was everything to that bitch. Everything. It was either a perfect daughter or no daughter at all, and when that daughter just couldn't be the perfect little angel she wanted, both physically and personality-wise, she shipped her off to strangers, because hey, they were the "experts," right? 

So after the ENT doc, it was off to see Blake, the vamp. I was pissed to learn I fasted for no reason. They only had an order for a TSH test, not cholesterol. Made up for it at McDonald’s afterward with a burger and fries. 

Having time to kill between appointments, we picked the nearest stores that appealed to us and the first was a Payless shoe store. There I got an adorable pair of sandals with a 2-inch wedge heel for less than $20 that was on sale. They’re girls’ shoes in 3.5 and I love how the strap has Velcro instead of those annoying little buckles. 

We also stopped at Staples where I got a new chair. I’ll be giving Tom the one I’ve been using for the last few years because it’s a very heavy chair that supports big guys like him. It was nice to know we could afford the $300 chairs just as easily as we could the $50 chairs. Hasn’t always been that way in life. Without paying attention to price, the one I personally found most comfortable was $50. There was a really nice expensive leather chair that was comfortable too, but I’m not a fan of leather, especially in the winter months. Leather is just too cold. If we move to Hawaii or Florida where it’s always warm, then maybe I’ll get that chair, but for now, I really like my new black fabric chair. The material isn’t as coarse and woolly as the one I’ve been using in which I placed a satiny leopard-patterned cover over. 

Later… 

I told my PCP that my anxiety has been nonexistent for nearly 2 months now and that I would like it to stay that way, but as she reminded me, my TSH is probably going to be too high and my endo is probably going to want me on a higher dose of levothyroxine. She said she could see that the idea of going up higher makes me anxious just thinking about it. LOL, damn right after what I’ve been through! I still don’t think she understands that I come off as naturally high-strung even when I don’t feel anxious and all is well in life, but oh well. I tried. 

She said (as did an online friend) that since my body is now used to the medication, I shouldn’t have problems going up to 100 mcg, think positive, try not to worry, etc. 

She believes that due to the trauma I went through last year I have a case of PTSD. Yeah, I know. I figured as much months ago. I mean it’s just rather obvious. She still thinks there’s a chance I may need to take daily anxiety medication like say if going to a higher dose of thyroid meds makes me anxious. But wouldn’t it make more sense just to lower the dose instead of taking psych pills? I understand, as she said, that levothyroxine is a very safe drug, but everybody’s got their limit with any drug I would think, safe or not. 

She doesn’t think my only issue is the levothyroxine, but if it’s not, then what else is? And why didn’t I ever experience such extreme anxiety until after I was on levothyroxine? She did mention some other word besides PTSD, but I can’t remember what it was. In other words, based on her look of skepticism and concern, I’d say she still thinks I’m one taco short of a number four combo. Nice bold blue toenail polish she wore, though. Good color. 

I’m just glad she didn’t go talking statins! Fortunately, she’s really good with understanding that yes, medication in general still scares me. I’m getting better each month, but it’s still important not to jump ahead too fast. 

For now, I gave her a copy of the timeline of any problems I had over the last couple of months and will give my endo a copy as well. She wants me to follow up with her online a week or so after seeing  O, but I don’t have to see her again until December. 

Got a really sweet card in the mail from Paula thanking me for being her friend. Aw, how nice. :) 

Then I checked the sites I usually check in at, Facebook being one of them. Sure enough, up top of the feed, I got "So and so liked so and so's profile pic," like I really give a shit that they like a picture of somebody I don't even know from the can of paint. 

My new wind chime came as well as the air cleaner for the laundry room. 

Really starting to regret getting this cat who’s been making it take me forever to write this with all her distractions. She just won’t leave me the fuck alone, especially at night. She is constantly underfoot and now she’s holed up in the laundry room meowing so loud I’m worried she may wake Tom up. Cats apparently don’t sleep at all at night. At least not this one. I really hope Tom’s right about her calming down in about 6 months or else she’s going to have to go. I can’t deal with this shit anymore. I sprayed her for biting my leg and starting to nibble on my toes.