My dreams had been escaping my memory for days, but I remember a few bits and pieces from last night… placing cans of cat food in a kitchen cabinet that looked nothing like ours, Tammy driving us somewhere, and I think I might have visited Andy, and had a dream pertaining to one or more of my doctors/medication. Can’t swear to that last one, though. I’m seeing my endo today, so that’s been on my mind. 

My weight might appear to be up a pound or two because my new shoes are the heaviest pair I own. I don’t care, though. They’re super comfy and I love them. 

Yesterday was the first day I didn’t have doubts about Simone, though she did get a little vocal at the end of the day. She’s been a little vocal tonight as well, but as long as I feel more like we have a cat than a child, all is well. Oh, what fun shower time has come to be for her, LOL. She just loves standing outside of that frosted glass door “beating up” on water droplets sliding down the inside of it. 

I don’t know why, and I really hope it’s just because I’m paranoid when it comes to anybody with any type of authority, even if Dr. A is hardly an authority figure compared to some others I’ve dealt with, but I’ve had a bad feeling about her ever since I last saw her. I’ve just got this nagging feeling, though I can’t put my finger on it. Looking at it logically, there’s no reason I should feel this way. I’m not a minor, I’m not in custody, I haven’t harmed myself, and I haven’t harmed anybody else. 

I wonder how she’s going to react if the shrink agrees I don’t need daily medication. If she really did use the word dissociation, could she have meant that I was trying to disassociate myself from the trauma of what happened? That makes no sense either because I have always been ready, willing, and able to address the issue. 

Right now, though, she’s not my concern. Dr. O is my concern. I just don’t want to do anything so soon after feeling so good after so long. It hasn’t even been two months. Let me live in peace a little longer! 

Paula should get her letter on Friday or Saturday. It will be interesting to see if I get any nasty texts, but I will just ignore anything that comes in.