Still having some congestion and wheezing along with mixed emotions about getting rid of Simone this weekend. 

My NaNoWriMo book is coming along well. I should arrive at around 13K words tonight. 

I had a series of strange and senseless dreams. At one point what sounded like someone knocking on the door woke me up, but it had to have been a dream because the front door is too far away to be heard over the sound machine. 

In one dream I was singing and recording a karaoke while showing someone a video Mitch sent me that was taken in some recording studio or something like that. I kept hoping he’d appear in it so I could show the person. 

In another dream, I had been out all night somewhere, came home in the early morning, then realized I didn’t have the keys to get in. I knocked on the door and heard the lock being unlocked. When I opened the door and stepped into the room, I couldn’t see anyone but knew it had been my mother who unlocked the door. 

After hanging out on some beaches, I was suddenly in a room with Teddy Bear and some other woman trying on clothes. Teddy Bear never said anything the whole time, but I knew she knew who I was. I slipped on a pair of pants and the other woman said not to wear them over shorts. I said, “I don’t have shorts on. Those are my boyshort panties. Once I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s I knew the extra weight would never come off and so I had to adapt.” 

Speaking of that, it still pisses me off to have such little control over my own body. I know I don’t have any more or less control than the next person, but I still like to be in the driver’s seat of my life AND my body. Yet even with proper treatment, my body will never burn calories like a regular person. Yes, I still exercise to stay healthy and in good shape, but the never-ending cycle of dieting and exercising, dieting and exercising just to stay 25 pounds overweight does get old at times. It isn’t being big that I mind. Being big actually has some benefits, believe it or not. It’s the lack of control that still frustrates me at times. I feel like my efforts should reap the same rewards that others get from it. On the other hand, I admit my calories haven’t been all that low lately, even though I’ve been pretty consistent with working out. They’ve been reasonable, but not low.