Brenda randomly came to mind the other night and I remembered that she said she had a daughter named Alicia. I looked up Alicia S on Facebook and found a nurse currently living in Florida who’s from Massachusetts. So I sent a message asking if Brenda was her mother and I never got a reply even though the account has been updated since I sent my message, leading me to once again wonder if my messages to Doc C ever went through any more than the ones to my cousins did. My guess is that there’s no relation. This woman was huge and blond and I didn’t see any resemblance. But still, wouldn’t she have at least taken the time to say she didn’t know the person if she had seen the message? The message never even appeared to be read, yet nothing popped up saying it was being sent to her “other” folder when I sent it, so I don’t get it. It’s like something up there is picking and choosing who gets my messages and who doesn’t. 

Another thing I continue to be left to wonder is whether or not Andy is deliberately trying to annoy me at times with his fucking repetition, or if his brain really is that defective. Obviously, the first one would be the worst. Friends shouldn’t deliberately irritate those they consider friends, right? Yet this guy not only doesn’t seem to get it when I drop hints but not even when I spell it out bluntly for him. 

It’s only been in the last few years that I can really understand my mom’s irritation with my own repetitious ways back when I didn’t have as much going for me as I do these days. Although I wasn’t hurting anything any more than he is, it does get old after a while no matter what the subject may be. 

I told him yet again how tired I was of hearing all about his weight, meals and exercise routine day after fucking day. The guy is as obsessed with it as I was 25 years ago. Yet what does he go and do after we have this discussion? Says he wishes he had yogurt in the refrigerator. Meanwhile, we JUST fucking talked about this! How dumb can he be and how can that not be deliberate? If it isn’t, then he has a serious, serious memory defect. With all the pot he’s smoked, it’s possible, and while I can never know for sure if he’s really trying to annoy me or if he’s just that stupid, I suspect that a lot of the time he knows damn well what he’s doing. But fine. More repetition, less me. And I know he loves to play Ask when we're both online. Well, maybe if he’s smart enough to recognize a pattern (me checking in less often when he gets too repetitious) he will finally shut up about it or at least lessen it to a degree. As I told him, I’m not all or nothing on the subject. I don’t mind every now and then. It’s when I have to hear it all the time, especially after making it clear that I’m not interested and it’s getting old. But it does indeed seem that the more I resist something, the more determined he is to push it on me and that really bothers me. Like a waitress adding whipped cream to ice cream that I told her not to add. 

Another thing that annoys me about him, and I told him this much, is that not everybody is just like him. Not all bodies and minds were created equal, yet he can’t believe there really are medical conditions that hinder weight loss because he’s never had this problem himself. He’s like that a lot… If he hasn’t experienced it firsthand, then it can’t possibly exist. And if he’s not happy with something a certain way, then how could anyone else be? 

“Saying I shouldn’t be sad because some others have it worse is like saying I shouldn’t be happy because someone else might have it better.” 

I couldn’t agree with the above statement more. To tell someone this is like devaluing their emotions and I personally find it rather offensive, not that anyone’s devalued my emotions lately. But they have in the past and I would always hate it when I would be told why I shouldn’t feel so bad when A, bad is bad enough no matter how bad that bad is, and B, we all have a right to our emotions. 

Not much going on with me at the moment. I decided to keep the doll after all since the broken shoulder isn’t noticeable. She really is beautiful otherwise, and returning things is a pain in the ass. 

I ordered an adult coloring book consisting of Japanese kimonos. It should be here tomorrow. Eventually, I’ll get a colored pencil holder. 

Later… 

Andy posted a picture on Ask of a dreamy-looking woman floating down a ladder of some kind in the clouds and wrote, “This is you going to bed.” 

“But I sleep in just my panties and my hair in a ponytail,” I replied when I got up, and sure enough he said something like, “Well, it represents you going to bed, so go eat a cracker.” 

Yeah, there’s that food mentioning again I told him I was sick of. Why is it that some people feel all the more compelled to do the things we ask them politely and kindly to please do less of? I can see if somebody demands or threatens that you do such and such a thing. That would make even me rebel, as that’s just human nature. But I can’t understand why some things are just so hard for some people when they’re asked and not pushed. Like the blacks in Phoenix… if I didn’t know any better I would swear I was asking them to torture their family members, and not to do the polite and considerate thing we all should be doing. 

When I’m in the mood to write yet can’t think of anything new worth updating, I look at a list of writing prompts and randomly choose one. So how about negative people? I have no problem whatsoever with people coming to me who are down and out in life. I’ve been there before and I know what it’s like. But what really irritates me at times is when people are so quick to see the negative and not the positive. It’s annoying to go to someone with good news or something that I’ve accomplished or that I’m really excited about, and the first thing out of their mouths is everything bad about it or that could go wrong. Not “I’m happy for you” or “I’m proud of you,” etc. 

I can totally understand people wanting to point out what could go wrong because they care about me and they’re just looking out for me, but sometimes it seems to go beyond reasonable caution and straight into downright negativity. Sometimes I’m left to wonder, are they really just looking out for me? Or does the negativity stem from their own personal misery? As they say, our attitudes are greatly influenced by our emotions and what’s going on in our lives at the moment. If you’re not feeling very well emotionally or physically, you’re not apt to see the glass as half full. 

Time to get proofreading and editing my book. I hate this part of writing books! I also have to take my next Dutch lesson. I’m in the Reflexives section now and it is not easy. It takes about a year to get through the course if you’re consistent enough, and since I’ve been taking one lesson almost every day, I’m still hoping to get through the course by the end of the year. 

Tot morgen!