Saw pictures of my sister’s new house and it’s absolutely gorgeous. It looks huge, too. Hard to believe I might be there in a few months, but we’ll see. 

Lost 3 pounds in 8 days much to my surprise, but still don’t know that I will lose much more. It’s common to lose a little weight during the first week of a diet, but I started this diet to be healthier and to feel more energetic, so that is still my main objective. If I do continue to see this scale drop, I will then sit down and make a list of the pros and cons as to why I should or should not continue losing weight, and yes, there are a few cons. I would have to get new clothes, my wedding ring wouldn’t fit, and the smaller I get the more I open myself up as a potential target for trouble. 

On the flip side, I would be even healthier if I did lose about 25 pounds, my clothes would fit better as they usually do when we’re thinner, and I would have an even wider range of flexibility. 

Yes, I know I would also look better, but looking better for society is not my goal in life. As a single 20-year-old it might have been but not now. There is nothing wrong with wearing a dress we like or styling our hair a certain way that we like, but I hate those who tweak their appearance for the sake of impressing others. If the person doesn’t like you for you, then the person isn’t worth it to begin with. Really, I hate that shit after the way my mother taunted me about my looks for so long whether I was fat or thin. It’s like she never truly loved me. Instead, I was little more than just a “cute” showpiece to her. Well, that is when I wasn’t being a huge enough burden to her for her to ship me off somewhere. Nonetheless, you get my point… If you don’t like how I look, then don’t look at me. 

The first several hours of my day started off really tired thanks to the guy that chased me awake in my nightmares at four in the morning. The dream took place in what was either a high school or a college. I was in one of the rooms talking to my dad. He asked me a question and I answered in German before I left the building. 

I then realized I was in nothing but a bra and panties. Deciding it was okay, I walked around the field where I spotted a group of young people in their late teens or early 20s. A girl was beating the shit out of some guy. The guy was down on the ground and she was kicking and punching him viciously. About half a dozen other girls and guys looked on as she continued to pummel him. 

My purse magically appeared hanging from my shoulder and I considered pulling my smartphone out and calling the cops, not that they’re necessarily any less brutal. One of the guys noticed that I was watching the attack as I passed by and reentered the building from a different side. I tried to act nonchalant and like I just didn’t care what was going on, but as soon as I was out of view I broke into a run. Because I can run fast I got quite a ways down the corridor by the time I glanced back. My eyes hadn’t adjusted to the indoor lighting, but I could just about make out the silhouette of a guy rounding the corner and heading toward me. Not sure I could get safely locked inside a room or that I had the time or the chance to call for help, I decided to fight the guy if he tried to harm me, knowing I would probably win with all the working out I do. I can’t say what happened for sure, though, because I woke up at that time.