Tammy posted a video of her new house, and wow! It’s almost too huge for two people, but it’s modern and gorgeous. She hasn’t been in the greatest health, though. Last night’s dreams weren’t very good either, but I’ll get to that in a little bit. 

Went to Raley’s yesterday as well as to Goodwill in search of what treasures they may have since it had been a while since we’d been there. He loves to check out the electronics while I check out the decorative stuff. He found lots of goodies but didn’t get anything because he just never has enough free time to play around with stuff. I found nothing at all. None of the dolls, figurines or other items appealed to me in the least, but I did grab some of that incense I keep swearing I’ll never burn with the mess it makes. 

Took yesterday off from riding due to my knee hurting me, went riding earlier, and now it’s hurting again. I should’ve listened to Tom when he suggested letting it heal. So now I’ll be limping around all day. :( 

I visited Norma in one dream I had last night. I entered her place and not only was her living room floor covered in grass, but it was very dim in the room and I could barely make anything out. I hugged Norma and said how I never thought I’d see her again. Milt was standing behind her and appeared to be two feet taller. Norma felt surprisingly weak and frail despite seeming to be strong and fit in real life. 

Then I had a very vague dream about something bad happening to my sister (probably health-wise) when she was 62. 

Then I was in a room listening to music through headphones when someone came into the room and I said in Spanish, “¿Es tiempo ya?” This means, “It’s time already?” 

In the last dream, I called in a refill for beta-blockers and Skyped Tom to ask that he pick them up after work. 

That would be a very bad thing if I ever had to take those regularly with the way they leave you so cold and sluggish. If I had to take them that would mean my heart was doing things it definitely shouldn’t be doing. I only had to take one once. 

Later… 

Remember? Remember when you used to write just for yourself? Yeah, this was what I was asking myself recently, and you know what? I definitely do miss writing for myself without censorship. I still love to share more generic things online, but I really should write more for myself and then edit it to make it online-friendly as opposed to mostly doing just online-friendly entries. 

I decided that from now on the three blogs that I use right now will have online-friendly entries, but on LiveJournal and Prosebox I will also have private entries mixed in. I would make LJ all private, but I do have a regular there. Why deprive them of their reading pleasure, right? LOL 

Anyway, I thought I would do a private entry to ponder and to vent. I still ponder over whether or not certain people got my messages on Facebook. I hate not knowing for sure. Just when I'm sure that they did get them, then I don't know what to think. It's hard to believe that many people are unaware of their ‘other’ folder or don’t check it. So I don't know if they're sitting in their other folder, never went through, or if they’ve been read. Stuff that's been seen doesn’t always appear to have been seen, and sometimes that feature only works for a little while. People can also opt to mark things as unread, making it appear like it's never been read. Never has there been a site with such unreliability and guesswork. 

Now let me do some bitching about Andy. I really wish the guy had less free time, although I don't know if that would change anything. I'm finding him more annoying than fun lately, and that can't be a good thing, can it? I still hesitate to dump him because I don't know how he'll react. Maybe he will respect my wishes and stay away, or maybe he would stalk and harass the shit out of me. That's not what worries me as much as how it would affect him. He would be devastated and I don't want to hurt the guy. So I'm kind of torn right now between thinking of how he would feel and wanting to give myself a break from him. 

Sometimes I try to think of ways to dump him without actually dumping him. Like telling him I think I'm going to prison for many years or something like that. The only problem with that would be Norma. She's our one and only mutual friend and he would see our interactions with each other thanks to Facebook thinking that friends shouldn’t have privacy from their other friends. I could tell Tammy what I was doing and she would cover for me, but I would never put anyone else in the middle of anything that would no doubt make them feel uncomfortable. 

I just get tired of him assuming everybody thinks and feels the way he does. He just can't accept that not all minds and bodies are created equal. If he's obsessed with weight loss then he assumes everyone else is as well. I don't get him at times. It's like he wants to stand out and be unique, yet he lumps everyone together and assumes they all equate to him and vice versa. 

If he doesn't understand something, then it's either all wrong or it doesn't exist. I get sick of his attitude at times too, and his negativity. It's like he thinks his ways are the only correct ways… his lifestyle, the way he eats... everything. 

I also get tired of the immaturity and all the fucking repetition. He can't even go a day without mentioning food. Not just on Ask, but also on Facebook. He is horribly obsessed with it. How does he expect to lose 75 more pounds when all he does is eat, breathe and live food? If this is all that’s on his mind, he’s not going to have an easy time of it. He’s about to go from annoying to a bit of a concern with this food obsession. 

Last night I started reading a post about his latest trip to his dentist and I thought to myself, finally, a post without food! But sure enough, he morphs right from the teeth to the food. Everything with him is about food, eating, cooking and exercise. They used to be about celebrities and God, not that he still isn’t into that. Who knows what he'll be fixated I'm next? 

I seriously wonder if he’s intentionally going out of his way to annoy me. IDK, maybe deep down in his subconscious, he is hoping I will dump him? Some people are like that. They want to end the friendship but they don’t want to be the one to do it, so they do something to get themselves dumped. 

Then there's that good ole stupidity and his memory issues, intentional or not, that drive me crazy. I realize he hasn’t changed since Arizona. Yes, he’s got his own business even though he doesn’t make shit, and yes, he has his own condo even if it was given to him and it’s noisy there, but Andy as a person is still the same old person he always was. He just doesn’t smoke or do drugs.