I have sooo much to write about. Might do multiple entries tonight. I guess I will begin with today’s visit to my ENT doctor and the surprising thing I learned from her about prostatic ears. As anyone who’s followed me long enough knows, I was born with my left ear deformed and the canal was fused shut. As a 10-year-old in 1975 in Boston, they built an outer ear via plastic surgery but it never looked realistic. When I was 29, the frame poked through the skin. They dismantled the frame and drilled an ear canal and I even got a little hearing on that side. A decade later it became a problem because the surgery caused excessive scarring and nerve damage, but the surgery was necessary to make sure I had no tumors. 

Quick fact: My parents should’ve left me the hell alone to be the way I was meant to be, but today I am living with the consequences of my mother’s quest for the perfect-looking daughter, which means occasional aches, pains, and regular trips to the ENT doc since it can’t shed dead skin on its own. I don’t know, maybe part of them really did think they were doing me a favor in the long run, but I think it was more that they were obsessed with appearances. They were just like that. 

The older I have gotten, the more of an I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude I have adopted, partly thanks to people like them and the ordeal I went through as a ward of the state in my late teens. When I was young I felt like I was forced to be as pretty as I could, and like I’ve always said, it’s okay to wear a dress you think is pretty or style your hair the way you think looks best because YOU want to, etc. But you know what? I’m not a showpiece. I’m just Jodi. In other words, I’m fat and I don’t give a damn. I’d give a damn if I was severely obese, yes, but not because of how others would see me. Meanwhile, just because most of the world would freak out over 25 extra pounds doesn’t mean I have to as well, and I don’t. I try to eat well and exercise most days and let fate do the rest, hypothyroidism or not. 

My point? After going through so much hell in life physically, it has taught me the value of health and feeling above looks and appearance and how much more important it is that we’re healthy and that we feel good. So no, I also don’t give a damn who may look at my ear, which really only consists of a misshaped lobe these days, and says, “Ew, gross!” 

You don’t like it, don’t look. Simple as that. :) 

Despite the fact that I have become less appearance-conscious with age and have been through enough medically, I couldn’t help but be intrigued and curious about the prosthetic ear she says they could make for me. She said the person she would need to talk to was on vacation at the moment, but that she’s going to get information for me. Since I’ve been through so much medically and since I’m older, I probably won’t go through with it. I’m sure I would be a lot more interested if I was still in my 20s, but we’ll see. Still doesn’t hurt to find out all I can about it. 

My first question and biggest concern was what problems may it cause me a decade or so later. Not all procedures are a problem right away if they’re going to be a problem. She said, however, that couldn’t be a problem. I might not even need “surgery” to do it. I guess because they would be working on the outside and not the inside like when they made the canal. She said they would basically get rid of what’s left of it, make an exact replica of my good ear, and then I guess it attaches with skin glue or something like that. Can’t deny that the idea of a detachable ear seems a bit strange to me, but it would be pretty neat to look in the mirror and see two normal ears and to be able to wear earrings again. I haven’t been able to wear earrings because of the way the lobe on the bad ear has kind of curled upward over the years. Again, I probably won’t do it, but if I do it I will do it for me and me only. That is the one area in life I promise to be forever selfish in is when it comes to my appearance or anything about my body. I can’t say no to Hashimoto’s and just throw my thyroid in the trash and be done with it, but I am certainly going to take advantage of what I do have control over. So once I get the information, I will decide if it’s worth the time and money this late in life.