It must’ve rained while I slept because the roads are wet. Anyway, I’m still sleeping better, but I had a disappointing 3 hours late last night. My heart was a bit racy and that depressed me, as I once again feared that having a good day yesterday could’ve just been a fluke. My anxiety began on the 13th of last month, and after scanning my journal I found I had 3 or 4 anxiety-free days in between. I went “what-iffing” again. What if I’m forever bad most days of the week? But Tom assured me I was just having residual effects from the extra medication, and my PMS was compounding my emotions. It’s true that something that bums us out does so even more when we’re PMSing, and something that pisses us off REALLY pisses us off when we’re PMSing as well. 

It did take time to fully recover after the first showdown with the 75s, so hopefully – hopefully – I’ll be back to my old self 24/7 every day (unless something bad happens in my life or someone I’m close to to give me a reason not to be) soon enough. 

Not convinced anymore the lung tightness I had was something in the air. At first I thought maybe it was because others, including Tom, were complaining about that, but I think it was connected to the meds. That degree of tightness just hasn’t been normal for me since leaving Arizona in 2004. Also, I had the same thing right before the first T4 storm. 

Tom read an interesting sleep article that he told me about. For years they believed light and dark were what set sleep/wake patterns. When it turned out a blind person had my type of sleep disorder they soon diagnosed the non-24 sleep/wake cycle thing and all that, plus they wondered about those up in parts of Alaska where it stays dark half the year. Recently they’ve established it’s all about temperatures rising and falling by day/night until technology came and messed all that up. Millions of years ago people just didn’t have climate-controlled dwellings. 

Last night I dreamed I realized I’d eaten too soon after taking my meds while at a semi-crowded pool. Tom walked up to the pool, took his clothes off, and jumped in with the bathing suit he wore underneath. Then I too, pulled my clothes off and jumped in the pool, only I realized I’d forgotten to put my suit on underneath and was totally naked. I wondered how I would get out of the pool unseen, assuming no one around me had noticed yet. 

Next, I dreamed of being stranded in these super dark woods. Actually, the others in the car I was riding in dumped me there as some kind of sick joke. It was so dark and no moon or stars were visible. I tried my best to walk down the road they drove away on, but the darkness made it hard to see where I was going. 

Then I smelled cigarette smoke and thought someone was close by until I glanced to the side and saw houses dotting a steep hillside and realized it was probably coming from there.