A fun weekend ahead with Tom, chatting with Kathleen to look forward to, a record time without periods, a little weight loss, a lot of calmness… Trying not to think that things are a little too good to be true lately. I’m in the same situation I was in last year, only this time it involves Kathleen and not Stacey. I’m trying not to have the attitude that while bad things do eventually get better, good things also have a way of blowing up in our faces sooner or later.

The wildfires rage on in Cali and while it’s been a very devastating, sad and scary situation, we’re safe so far. They’re about 40 miles away from us. It was nice of people like Marie to care enough to ask. Of course, I haven’t gotten anything from my family.

Bob is working on something and has the garage door shut. I appreciate him having the door shut to muffle the sound even if that may not be why it’s shut.

Suddenly not feeling so calm anymore. Could it be that I’m not used to things going so well? My medication? Or is my paranoia radar turned on due to the silent message I got from someone in Maliheh’s town of Fayetteville? It wasn’t totally silent, though. During the 4-second message, it almost sounded like birds chirping as if the person was outdoors or something. After what they did to me in Phoenix I’m going to be paranoid for life! It’s just strange that I would get a call from there, even if it was likely a wrong number, after I get another spam/scam message from her Yahoo account. She’s so vindictive and the type that would no doubt do anything she could to set me up, but after all this time of ghosting me I would think she has better things to do. I sure hope so anyway. I don’t see how the police could get this number without hacking any of my accounts, and if they had they would have left a message just like they would have back in 2012. I ran the number and it goes to a Debra H. She doesn’t seem to be affiliated with the law in any way. I’m not gonna sweat it, though. All I did was tell Maliheh at her Gmail email account to take the responsibility of getting the damn account shut down because I want absolutely nothing to do with her.

When I was getting my green glow-in-the-dark nail polish from Joe yesterday, he was telling me that things were terrible the day before because he had so many packages to deliver. I told him I was in the dentist’s chair for 3.5 hours that day, LOL.

I was watching a video about a little girl who dressed up all pretty and left alone on the street at which time many people approached her with concern. Then they dressed her in filthy clothes and when she went back outside she was ignored. They did the same thing in a restaurant. When she was dressed up nice people gave her the money she begged for, but when she looked all bummy, she didn’t get shit.

It’s sad but true that looks still matter greatly in society and I won’t deny the fact that I’m 100% guilty of using my appearance to get ahead in life. I was never a beauty queen but if I hadn’t had the looks to be hired as an exotic dancer back in the 90s, I never would have ended up living where I lived which happened to be next to my future husband.

Same thing applies to today. I’m still no beauty queen and I’m actually a little bit heavy now, but I’m still just as flattered - maybe even more so because I’m aging - when a man or woman notices/compliments me. And yes, I’m still guilty of dressing to impress my husband along with an occasional lady like Kathleen, haha. If I don’t see her before my next appointment, though, I’m going to really throw her for a loop and surprise her with a little rattitude. Yeah, as in my rat shirt. :-) I’ll probably still have makeup on, though. If it weren’t for having to lie back in the dentist’s chair, I’d really surprise her with the hairpiece (long curls attached to a claw clip). But that wouldn’t be very comfortable for the dentist.

While it may not be fair that many people are overlooked in many different ways simply because they don’t meet society’s beauty standards, I still say if you’ve got something, use it. As long as no one’s being hurt along the way, I don’t see any harm in using one’s look to get what they want any more than using one’s skills or anything else. So however conceited some people may find it to be, I don’t mind going out of my way at times to give certain people a little something to look at. I don’t have to be gorgeous, but I don’t mind being a little less of an eyesore than I might be if I were less fortunate. Part of it does come from regular exercise, of course. As a short, aging Hashi, I would probably be a giant if I didn’t keep active.

Now here’s something I don’t get. This isn’t meant to judge or condemn any of those God-believers out there, but I don’t get the free will versus God’s plan thing. People say they have free will in one breath and that God has a plan for them in another. But isn’t that a bit contradicting? What’s the point of granting people free will if you’re just going to plan their lives for them? Am I missing something here?

For once I had interesting dreams. In the first one, I went to see a GYN who worked out of her house. She had several guests over at the time and some were playing pool. I kept wondering when she was finally going to bring me to wherever she examined patients, and when I finally asked her, she said, “You’re putting me in a strange situation,” or something like that, and I knew that what she was really saying was that she was too attracted to me to be my doctor.

“We could always be friends, you know,” I said.

“You would be up for that?” she asked, smiling brightly.

I assured her I would be, noting all the smokers in the room and picking up a cigarette and saying something about not smoking anymore.

In another dream, I was living in a Valleyhead-like place, but the place was a lot nicer. It was both cozier and homier and there was a lot more freedom there. I seemed to get along well with the girls, well, women and was getting a ride back to the house with one of my “sisters.”

“So if I went to someone’s house and then back to the house again I wouldn’t get in trouble for it? You can do that?” I asked someone, and they said yes.

Then I was at the house and asked someone sitting in the small living room if they would mind my dusting a bit, and they shook their head and said, “M-mm.” So I stepped into the small kitchen off the living room to fetch the dusting wand.

In the last dream, I was having dinner at a long table with several family members. I was at one end of the table. Two or three seats away sat Bill, and we seemed to be coexisting peacefully and I didn’t seem to harbor any hard feelings toward him, something that would never happen in real life. It’s one thing to respect my nieces from a distance. It’s another, if the cock were still alive, to put it in the same room with me. The issue also didn’t seem to be what it really was. I guess the fight had been all about a disagreement over my weight, haha. He said that his only problem back then was that people would claim I was small but he didn’t think so.

Yeah, whatever buddy. If I see you in the afterlife I’m still going to kick your ass for all you caused my husband and I to go through.