The house across from Jon & Carolyn and diagonally in back of us is now on the market. Really hoping we luck out a third time like we did with Jon & Carolyn and Trisha. Please, no loud vehicles or company junkies!

We both got blood drawn this afternoon. Guessing my TSH is 10-11 based on how calm I feel. As long as I continue to feel well, I don’t give a shit what the numbers say.

I stupidly forgot my glasses. I’m farsighted and in natural daylight, I don’t see that bad looking off into the distance, but it was a bit of a struggle to sign forms. Tom did my check-in for me on the computer.

I hope I sleep a little better tonight. I’ve been sleeping well overall but not the last couple of nights. I realize the night before last was only because I was stressed over my crown falling out. The second time was because I had a nasty dream for one prone to dream premonitions.

In the dream, we kept breaking into this house and stealing food. We would do it in the evening when the homeowner wasn’t home. I guess they worked late or something. Not sure why we were stealing food since we didn’t seem to be struggling, but one time we went to steal something when we saw the place was all lit up. We decided to take a chance since the person who lived there was on the second floor. Once inside I grabbed a bag of hot dog buns and decided we should leave it at that and get out.

The passenger door of our car was closer to the house and I dove into the car quickly. Tom was walking down their sidewalk when I saw a guy pass by one of the downstairs windows. I told Tom to hurry up and just as he broke into a jog and was about to reach the car, the car began to back up out of the driveway. I reached a foot over to slam on the brakes but nothing I stepped down on would stop the car. The car, as if driven by an invisible person, turned into the street and began racing down it backward.

I woke up before it either stopped or crashed, glad that Tom never was able to get into the car. Those are classic crash-and-burn dreams. If you’ve had dream premonitions before then you would probably agree that you’d be one of the last people you’d want having these types of dreams. They’re a sure sign of trouble ahead, even though I don’t have any bad vibes or that nagging feeling we sometimes get when something’s amiss. What could I be about to “crash” into soon, though? Another round of anxiety? That’s usually what the problem is these last few years and it shouldn’t be long before my TSH does fall to uncomfortable levels and I’m going to have to start making skips.

I was telling Tom the other day that when I think back on everything I’ve gone through that was either a crisis or at least a hardship of some kind, each one gets worse. First it was wanting people/things I could never have. Then it was the freeloaders/jail. Then it was poverty. Then it was the killer anxiety that affected both my mind and body. The next thing has got to kill me for damn sure because I honestly don’t think there’s anything worse than the physical and psychological torture I experienced over the last few years. I don’t think whatever’s coming up will be that bad, though. I usually get a year or two between problems, especially the more serious and long-term ones.

I still don’t like my track record at all. The only one I had a negative dream about that turned out okay was with the vigilante girl, but her dream was a little different. In the dream, she simply told me she “had a problem.” I didn’t actually see her in a bad situation, but maybe she is now. I haven’t heard from her in a while.

Tom tried to console me by saying that nothing bad actually happened in the dream.

“But nothing bad actually happened in the riot dream or the white-out dream either.”

“But a riot is a known bad thing,” he said.

Yeah, so is a runaway car flying backward with no working brakes, and what about the 30-foot shower stall dream? I woke up before we hit the ground.

I never saw anything bad in the dreams I had pertaining to myself and several others that had bad things end up happening to them in real life; just bad things that were about to happen right before I woke up.

I still say there’s a damn good chance something unpleasant is headed my way. Whenever I’d tell almost everyone that something bad was going to happen, it did. When I say something very bad is going to happen to Tammy when she’s 62, it is. Just like when I warned Jimmy about a potential car accident, the old lady in Texas about health issues, and several others along the way. So yeah, I’ve likely got trouble ahead. Trouble I won’t be able to prevent and that I won’t see coming until it’s upon me. That’s what’s frustrating about the dream premonitions… Nothing I can do about them but have extra time to worry. I’m still going to try my best by being extra careful. I’ll check twice when crossing streets and that sort of thing.

I’m just glad Tom didn’t get a chance to get into that car, which makes me think that whatever’s coming is on me. Better me than him as most of us would say when it comes to those we love. That again, he wasn’t in the riot dream at all yet the event that happened following that nightmare definitely affected us both, so we’ll see. With me, some dream premonitions are long-term as is the case with Tammy but most are not. So I’ve probably got about 72 hours to find out what shit is about to hit my fan.

I’m too tired to work out today. I’ve been lazy for about a week now when it comes to working out. I wish I could be obsessed with working out and dieting to the point that I never miss a day, but maybe someday I’ll get sick enough of the extra weight to really do something about it and just put up with the hunger that intense dieting brings. That’s what it would take in my case. Right now I’m not worried about my weight enough to be motivated to diet religiously. I’m more concerned with stepping up the exercise to help lower my LDL score because that’s what they’re going to be testing for next in December.

Still having some sensitivity in my mouth but I’m not sure if it’s the mouthguard, the recent dental work or something else. I even woke up with a splitting headache but then I went back to sleep and it was gone when I got up the next time. I think I’ll be okay within a week and won’t have to go back until my next scheduled appointment in March.

I am a little bummed to know I’ll never really hear from Kathleen but this is far from the first time I’ll end up not hearing from someone I’d like to hear from. As I once told Stacey, things that were never meant to be don’t suddenly become meant to be in one’s 50s. The more I think about it the more I realize that yes, she’s just an incredibly friendly person that fools you into thinking you’re important and special (even someone on Yelp mentioned her making them feel like she was important) because she’s just so damn friendly, something I’m not used to because I’m so antisocial. Even if she was attracted to me or wanted to be my friend, I would have heard from her by now if she was that serious. Small talk is just small talk, and people agree to get together all the time but don’t really mean it.

So my first guess is that I’ll never hear from her. My second guess is that if by some miracle I’m surprised by hearing from her, it would probably be sometime in January. That way it’s been a while, the holiday madness is over, and it’s sort of in the middle of appointments.

But hey, look on the bright side to there being a 90something percent chance I’ll never hear from her… No having to worry about my schedule for getting together, no having to worry about her possibly screwing me over, no having to be embarrassed about her coming in here and seeing all my weird shit either.