His Family:

Marge (the queen), his mother. She married Raymond who died in the mid-90s.

Ray, her oldest son has been dead for just over a decade. His wife was Nora. Kids: Pam, Jackie and Ryan. Grandkids: Jennifer.

David, her second child whom I forgot to mention in my VM. He’s married to Evie and they have a son and daughter, Parker and Nickolena.

Mary (Miss Perfect), her only daughter, married Dave.

Steven, her youngest. He married Carol and lives in the Fresno area. They have 2 sons, Matt and Chris.

Other relatives, mostly cousins, are Cindy, Johnny, Maria, Opal, Neva, Sandra, April, Bonita…

Find A Grave. It hit me all of a sudden yesterday that there was such a site and so I ran his mother’s name and found that Tom was right in suspecting she died years ago. Bitch died in February 2015 at the age of 91.

I finally decided it was time to give a few of his family members, without telling him about it, a piece of my mind. I was unable to locate Steven, Miss Perfect and Dave but I found several others, including David and Evie and their kids as well as Ryan and Jennifer. I sent them all the same message. I spoke from the heart and everything I said was 100% true too.

Here’s where it got strange. I immediately got a friend request from Jennifer and then Ryan. LOL. Jennifer and I even exchanged a few messages. I don’t think she had time to read my message before she replied but I don’t know how with it she is to begin with. She was just a little kid when we last saw her. Ryan is definitely mentally ill and has been on disability all his life.

Anyway, Jennifer asked where we were living now and I told her. Then she sent a friend request, saying she has a son now. Like I care? rolls eyes I told her no disrespect to her whatsoever (she didn’t do anything to us after all, and the only point of sending messages to multiple family members was to up my odds in at least one of them seeing it), but I couldn’t add her. I didn’t think to look up Sandra J, but I also found Cindy, Pam, Jackie, April and a few others that I’m pretty sure are related. The point is that once one sees it, the whole damn family will hear about it which is what I want. I especially want Miss Perfect to hear about it.

I went and blocked everyone I messaged.

The fact that no one in the family, especially Mary, never took the time to look us up and at least tell him that his shit of a mother died, tells me enough about them right there and stamps out any chance of me feeling any guilt for speaking my mind. He may not be reachable but I’m easy to Google and anyone can look me up on Facebook. All these years they could’ve reached out to us just to say, “Hello. How are you two doing?” but they never gave a shit. Ever.

I am seriously considering deactivating on Facebook for a number of reasons. I mostly have no need for it. There are only two more people I wouldn’t mind finding. But I don’t know Rosemarie’s last name, and if I haven’t found Steve by now, I’m not likely to ever find him. So what’s the point of keeping my account? To keep on seeing the same old political bullshit and food posts that only make me want to eat?

At the same time, I’m not sure I want to abandon everyone because I do have my cousin there and some Valleyhead sisters as well as a few good longtime cyber friends that might worry if I were to disappear.

I thought about telling Tom about the messages but I don’t want to worry him. I know how paranoid he gets at times. Personally, even if they all apologized, not that all of them owe us an apology, what would be the point in reconnecting? Tom doesn’t do social media and it would only be a matter of time before I would think they would want us to visit. Of course we would never step foot back in the state that did the horrible things it did to me, among other reasons.

The part in quotes is the message I sent.

“So Queen Marjorie died four years ago, I just learned, huh? The old me would wish her final moments were anything but kind to her but the present-day me feels nothing but contempt, disgust and even pity for a mother who chose to abandon her own son simply because he needed help one too many times. And after he did so, SO much for her while the rest of the family, excluding Mary and Dave, sat on their booties and did absolutely nothing. We lost thousands of dollars buying parts for all the projects Tom did for that woman at HIS expense. She always promised to “get him later” for it but later never came. The way that woman so easily and casually used anyone she could and then dumped them when she found them a “burden” or that she couldn’t benefit from them was utterly APPALLING but not nearly as appalling as her apparent conditional love and concern for her own son and his wife.”

Truly Spiked & Sparkling alcoholic beverages don’t taste that great but they warm me up and relax me. At least somewhat. I’ve really been on edge since learning my numbers that a part of me wishes I didn’t know what they were. Ignorance really can be bliss at times.

My lungs have been tight and I don’t know if it’s connected to the medication, the guinea pigs, the weather, or what. I just know I’ve been a bit more on edge these last couple of days and I worry that I’m on the verge of another vicious cycle of anxiety and will be at its mercy with absolutely no defense whatsoever. Once the adrenaline kicks up in my chest, I have never been able to find anything yet that will stop it. Not anything I do, take, eat or drink helps. I can calm a racing heart but I can’t kill those waves of anxiety once they start stabbing in and out of my chest. That’s when my thoughts tend to get dark and I start to feel hopeless. Like I said a million times, if there is any God up there that plans what happens to us or at least allows it to, what a cruel, torturous thing to do to someone!

Oddly enough, though, I felt better after 20 minutes of “ski blogging.” Plus, I’m having a little wine. Decided to ski blog since it’s been a while since I’ve skied and that way I don’t have to speak louder over the hum of the treadmill. Tom had just gone to bed, even though I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. Especially lying close to an air cleaner that’s always running which would drown me out.

I’m also not happy that after being delayed a day - ONTRAC is always late probably because they couldn’t get in the gate - the guinea pigs are too small for the playpen. Fucking Rockefeller busted right through one of the squares. I forget that they’re skinnier than they look. All that thick soft fur makes them look fuller than they are. Rats can collapse their rib cages and maybe that extends to guinea pigs as well. Hopefully, when they’re full-grown it won’t be an issue. It’s a nice pen otherwise. Cut my hand setting it up, but am wearing the highest quality Band-Aid I’ve ever worn, LOL. It totally fits like a second layer of skin.

I love how they squeak when they hear me coming or they want lettuce, but I’m just sick of the scaredy crap I’ve had to deal with for the most part for over a decade now. When are we going to have a pet that runs to us instead of away from us? When??? The only one here that seems to truly like having me around is Butterboy. I totally believe without a doubt that if he could breathe the air and walk on four legs, he would definitely be happy to see me. He would probably follow me around the house and gladly sit with me. He’s a surprisingly friendly, alert and intelligent fish. He just has that air about him that says, “Hello there. Nice to see you” when I walk into the room.

The guinea pigs don’t mind being held but not without a fight first. From my experience and from what I’ve read in pet forums, it’s common for guinea pigs to run when you go to pick them up. But once you’ve got them securely held, they’re fine.

Still nothing from Campbell’s and now I wonder why they really wanted my address. I definitely don’t need coupons for their cans of plastic anxiety soup, so I wonder what they really had in mind. To try to sue me for bashing them? Good luck with that, Campbell’s.

I was browsing YouTube when I randomly stumbled across a video on water fasting. This woman claims she did it for 21 days and that the first couple of days she was hungry as hell and felt weak and cold. It’s not only supposed to be a quick way to lose weight but is supposed to be good for your skin and hair and detox your digestive system and things like that.

But I still see the same problem I see with any other diet. Once you start eating again, the weight returns. You pretty much have to live a good part of your life on a diet if you want to lose weight and keep it off. If you can do that, you’re amazing. If you can’t, you’re human.

The Revenge series was going slow, so I moved on to something else. Watched the movie The Strangers on Netflix and it was great.

Amazingly, I didn’t hear the loud car at all yesterday but just after dark it came in and left a few minutes later. Probably to pick up rent money or food from its enabling parents. So, so glad that at least the planes haven’t been driving me as crazy!

I was going to use my first Bubbly account for generic things and the second one for things I would rather Aly not hear if she’s checking every now and then but was unable to log into my original account. Personally, I’m not finding Bubbly much fun anymore, so I don’t know that I’m going to bother using either account.