Slept better and took a full dose when I got up, then did my tapping. Still woke up a few times but I have more energy than yesterday. Enough to go on a walk-jog. Hell, I’m even praying for the anxiety not to return even though that’s never really been effective for me and I still don’t know that there’s anything up there to hear me.

If I’m supposed to be an influencer who can sometimes influence the outcome of things with her mind/mood, well, I’m thinking of those who can take this poison with no problem, trying to be positive and say, “By God, I’m going to do the exact same thing for once and for all no matter what!” Sort of like a girl who watches all her girlfriends land a man she hasn’t been able to land herself and is finally pissed off and determined enough to do so. Wanting something doesn’t always mean you’ll get it, of course. But I’m going to do my best to influence things in my favor so I can have more energy and not feel like I’m forced to play a twisted game of Would You Rather?

Would you rather be drop-dead exhausted? Or would you rather be batshit anxious?

I’d rather have my cake and eat it too. :-)

The freeway is getting louder as it does this time of year and the planes are back in full annoyance mode, especially at night and early morning. I’ve given up on complaining because I know how much that can backfire. In this case, it’s simply done me no good at all. I’m completely ignored on Twitter and all I got when I filled out an official complaint form was told that they’d pass it along. Not, “We’re working on doing something about the problem.”

Added my Bluetooth with brown noise to my sleeping regime in place of the earbud and it started making an old-fashioned busy signal sound when it ran out of juice as it does when the battery craps out. I thought it was part of a dream at first where a few of those fat-nosed, woolly-headed bitches were verbally beating the crap out of me for who knows what.

What’s weird is that when I plug it into the charger, I first see a red light as I should. But instead of the light staying red until it turns green, it goes out and I have to unplug and replug it. Really hope I can get it to last throughout my entire sleep because it seems like it might be helpful. Worst case scenario I could bring the newest Alexa in here because that one has bass, unlike the one I have in here. This one is good for audiobooks but not music because it’s tinnier.

Would be so great to live somewhere where I could retire the stereo and simply tell Alexa to play brown noise on loop mode!

Meanwhile, since I can’t sleep with the earbuds without irritation, I’m using them during prime plane time. It’s only when I lie on them that it’s an issue. Going to have to take it to the hotel when we go to Alcatraz, though.

Wondering why the top of what’s left of my bad ear has been more sensitive lately, especially when I lie on it. Dismantling the fucking frame was supposed to eliminate that!

Scorned: Love Kills and Murder on the Internet was too predictable, so right now I’m watching a miniseries called Killer Unknown that covers a couple of cold cases from 1998 and 1973.

I was surprised to learn that less than 60% of murders ever get solved. I thought nowadays it was around 75%. I can’t imagine getting away with murder, not that I’d want to kill anyone who wasn’t trying to kill me, no matter how well I tried to pull it off. I have no doubt, however, that if I were ever murdered, the killer would never be caught. Just my shit luck, you could say, since no one who has ever screwed me over in any way has ever been made to pay for it. Don’t tell me they’ll get theirs in the afterlife. No one can know this for sure or even if there even is an afterlife, and personally, I hope there isn’t. The actual dying process doesn’t just scare me, but so does the endless possibilities of what may lay beyond if there is a beyond. To me, it’s akin to being a lost child left abandoned on the street in which anyone can come along to take wherever and do whatever to. It could be anything from a caring, motherly woman to an outright deadly pervert. One can never know.

The only thing I don’t like about the show is that they keep saying the same damn things over and over again.

If this map I found that shows the laws by state as far as loud engines go means anything at all, then Florida just became more appealing even though loud car stereos and motorcycles are an issue there. I’d also choose New Mexico over Nevada if we didn’t go straight to Florida. California is one of the six or seven states where you can do anything you want and to hell with who it may affect. There are a lot of gray states, but Florida seems to be one of the toughest as far as muscle cars and all that attention-getting shit goes. Of course, with my shit luck, the laws would change the day we got there just like they started letting motorcycles in here as soon as we got here. eye-roll