Aly left me 6 messages throughout the day so I don’t think it’s me she’s cutting back on communicating with. I’m thinking it’s Kim she’s pulling away from because of the way she gets carried away non-stop about June which annoys her. The ghost icon now makes sense when I think about it because Kim is into the paranormal. Earlier she tweeted that she reached out to someone depressed and their reply made her feel worse. Not sure who that could have been. She also told Molly she was in pain because she fell twice today (she’s anemic and sometimes gets dizzy, plus she bruises easily). But she didn’t mention any of these things in her messages.

The only thing about the ghost icon is that she tweeted this on an account she’s connected to Kim on. did she think Kim wouldn’t be smart enough to get it or that she wouldn’t see it?

This time around I was woken up by a loud plane instead of traffic, so I’m a little tired…as usual. Now it’s intermittent small planes I have to listen to in the wee hours of this boring night.

Anyway, I got to wake up to a bunch of shitty numbers and now I know why I had the dream of finding stripes on my nails. The dream was saying what I figured it was saying… you ain’t dying but shit’s ahead.

I was right about my TSH being in the 20s. It’s 20.93, the high end of moderate. My white blood cell count was fine, but my red blood cell count, hematocrit, and glucose numbers are slightly high. I don’t remember the blood cell numbers but this is the first time my glucose was high at 101. I think that one was my fault, though. I don’t sleep well when I’m on nights and therefore I don’t have as much energy to exercise so that could be why. I’ve been too tired to exercise more than once or twice this last week or so and that’s the way it’s likely always going to deed until and if I can ever find a place where traffic will let me sleep. For reasons I don’t know, planes have been flying lower lately, so now they’re waking me up, too. Tell me my sleep isn’t cursed and I’ll assure you you’re full of shit. The only good thing is that after those couple of days that I heard the insanely loud car visiting about a week or so ago, it hasn’t been around since.

What was weird was that my lipid panel wasn’t posted yet.

Although I have been diagnosed with polycythemia vera, I may have been slightly dehydrated at the time they drew blood which could explain the slight elevation in red blood cell and hematocrit numbers.

The PV can cause darkening in the nails, so I read. The yellowing could also be something called diabetes mellitus, but I sure hope not. I’ve never had either color in my nails before. Just a yellowy right index finger when I used to smoke. It seems to be connected to hormonal and metabolic issues, and I guess that’s why under “Conditions,” they also have Erythrocytosis listed, a secondary PV.

I do have some but not all PV symptoms. Rib and hip pain are listed, and every now and then I get this cramp-like feeling in my very upper right stomach. I jokingly tell Tom it’s a “broken liver” day. Could there be a connection to the PV, though? And how about my right hip? I suppose the hip could just be me getting older, but it makes me wonder.

I feel like I’m never going to be able to get my health on track without killing myself while I’m at it. It’s like my only choice is to either take enough medication so that I’m healthier but anxious or vice versa. Starting to feel trapped, frustrated, and kind of hopeless. I know I’m not going to drop dead tomorrow or the next day but still. I’m frustrated! I’m still pretty certain that the medication brand and something in the filler are the key to my anxiety. It’s almost like something up there doesn’t want me fully treating my thyroid. Anxiety is the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life. I would still rather give myself half-assed treatment and be a little less healthy than be anxious. But yeah, I’m stressing right now. I’m worried I may never get things right and if we’ll ever have a place I can sleep. I’ve definitely given up hope of ever being a sounder sleeper or at least getting used to being tired. I really thought UPS would be the worst of what we’d hear here as far as traffic goes. I just didn’t know there would be so many loud cars and trucks and I certainly wasn’t counting on motorcycles.

Volume makes up for distance so that’s why we need to get a place as far from the street as possible. Things are louder than they were 20 years ago so we need to get further away. But going rural presents its own set of problems, so both country and city have their share of pros and cons, you could say. Even if all the sleep disturbances aren’t literally damaging my health, it’s making my life harder than it needs to be. I could be more active and do more things if I didn’t have to spend so much time taking it easy due to being tired.

Made two eggs in the new cooker and the thing shut off before the time expired in which the two medium-boiled eggs were supposed to be in there. I probably took them out a little too soon but after I cooled them and broke them open, the yolk was runny as if I made over-easy eggs. I’ll never fry them again and have to deal with sticky frying pans ever again! I love this cooker and it was well worth the money even though I’ll use it for veggies a lot more than for eggs. The veggies take longer and are a little more work this way than zapping them but they come out so much better that it’s worth it.