Congratulations, black people. You’ve made some of us look down on you even more. Keep on hurting innocent people while you are (understandably) angry at those who screw you over. You know, because AutoZone and Target and other people and businesses have everything to do with some pig possibly smothering someone to death. You’re just as bad as the pigs and so are those of other ethnicities helping you spearhead your violent little hissy fits. You live in a country where you now have more rights than whites and 95% of the country favors or at least supports you, so the next time you whine about the few left with ill feelings toward you, maybe you’ll finally wake up and realize why.

Meanwhile, go on. Keep living up to those labels at innocent people’s expense. Deepen the animosity a few of us have toward you, then bitch about racism and swear you don’t give a shit what others think all in the same breath. Keep playing the race card unfairly when you know damn well that in most of the country, you’ll automatically be believed, and take your frustrations out on innocent people when you actually do get screwed over. Keep making your own haters based on not where you’re from or your damn skin color but your appalling behavior.

Hate to say it but if it wasn’t for my buddy’s BF who I’m sure would never stoop so low, I’d wonder if going back to the days of segregation may not be such a bad idea. Part of me wishes whites would finally get fed up with their shit and return the violence but I know that adding violence to violence isn’t the answer. Plus, most whites stand by them anyway.

The media needs to start giving as much attention to whites that are brutalized and screwed over by the law as they do others. Maybe it will then sink in that it’s about the abuse of power and not aimed at any particular group. Sure there are a few that don’t care for blacks when they see how much crime they’re involved in, but I think that’s a very small number. I think most cops just like to abuse people much like an abusive lover. Makes them feel powerful and in control.

Well, just like I’m not ashamed to say which foods, music or colors I don’t like, I’m not afraid to admit what people I don’t like just because most people don’t want to hear it. No one’s totally indiscriminate and I’m not about to pretend I’m any different.

What’s with the People You May Know on Facebook that I don’t have any mutual friends with? How do they end up being recommended to me?

Been having some fatigue early in my day and I’m not sure why. Figured out why my weight is down a little, though. I no longer snack on nuts between meals. So while I’m not at the 800 calories or so it would take to lose weight, it deducts enough calories to keep me at the lowest my body feels comfortable weighing these days. A little fat won’t kill me and that’s another thing… I still don’t get why so many people are against that particular F-word. Referring to myself as fat isn’t being “mean,” it’s being honest. I just don’t see the point in dressing things up in fancy labels. Wouldn’t that be a form of denial? I can see “overweight” or “obese,” but “curvy?” IDK, it just seems like that’s really avoiding what those “curves” really are…fat rolls. Nonetheless, the reality is that I’m okay with both the word and myself. I’m not mean to myself. I’m not ashamed of myself. I’m not disgusted with my body. And I’m neither proud nor unproud. I have a typical middle-aged body and that’s fine.

Anyway, I may have no desire to diet but I think Walmart wants to clog my arteries, LOL. Got up around 1 p.m. and Tom had already been up for 6-7 hours and put the groceries away when they were delivered. I opened the fridge to get creamer for my coffee and that’s when I noticed the carton of 18 eggs. I didn’t order those, I told him, and he said he thought it was weird that I would get so many. Exactly. I don’t have any kind of a death wish. He checked the order and it turns out that it’s just another freebie from them. They didn’t charge us for them.

Today marks 8 weeks of taking my medication consistently and without cutting pills.

Tom and I were talking about more ideas for moving and it may actually be cheaper to buy a cheap dump than to rent depending on the space rent and all that. Figured we’d start off in a park so I could compare it to this one and see how similar or different it may be. This would just be for climate testing. Then we would sell it and get a different place in either a park or rural setting if we didn’t leave the state altogether.

There are many areas with tons and tons of parks, hardly any crime, and over 90% white. I still say there’s a noise curse on me and there has been for decades and we’re going to happen to end up next to the wrong people or close enough to them. For the most part, I’ve learned that it isn’t the residents themselves that are annoying but their visitors and workers. The only thing I would worry about with an older park with older homes would be even more sawing and hammering. Here, it’s mostly because people can afford to do so many projects.

I just wish Aly could live near us! Her parents aren’t doing well now but if they get well enough to move to Florida like she said they want to, it certainly wouldn’t hurt my feelings if she followed. :-) But I know it also depends on her job, Cam, and whatever else on top of whether or not she would actually want to live there.

We also talked about possible trips we may take. We still want to go on a helicopter ride and would love to snorkel again. I wouldn’t mind trying scuba diving. Don’t know if I would be brave enough for parasailing or anything like that. Maybe the kind where you’re attached to a boat and above water. Maybe we could take a small plane and go island hopping down around the Caribbean or maybe even further south. Some excursions may be tough because of our weight. I’m fat and he’s really fat so…

I don’t know that we could afford to sweep Europe but it would be cool to fly to Wales and see Mitch, then Amsterdam to see Adonis, shoot over to Germany to see Christiane who would no doubt tell Nane (LMAO!), drop down to Austria to see Irene, then maybe sweep on through Italy, Portugal and Spain before flying back. Greece would be nice to visit, too. There are some beautiful areas there. No way I would go to Africa or the Middle East. If I won a safari or something that would be different.

I would still like to cruise on a small ship. Never again will we cruise on a ship with thousands of people!

I decided to delete my public book on PB. I just can’t get into public blogging anymore. Maybe once we get settled somewhere. I know that anyone could find our future address if they really want to but the less information that’s easily accessible by people that may sell or rent us a place or give him a job, the better it may be.

Here comes another helicopter. The commercial planes have been better but the helicopters still get annoying at times. Wouldn’t be surprised if I heard small planes circling around after midnight but we’ll see. Lately, the most annoying thing is traffic with things opening up again.

Since Tom loves technology and gadgets, we have both arm and wrist blood pressure cuffs. To get me used to the blood pressure cuff they’re going to put on my arm during the root canal, we had me use the arm cuff yesterday with my finger on the stop button. It gets pretty damn tight, but I managed to get through it without panicking or hitting the stop button.

My tooth is the best it’s been since it got infected because the root is no doubt dead now. It’s not even throbbing at the end of the day like it used to. No longer having pain in the lymph nodes on the side of my boob either and I haven’t felt the one in my groin. But I am noticing my neck again.

I haven’t been remembering much in the way of dreams lately. Something about trying to decide if I wanted to purchase this small mirror that had a pretty decorative frame in mint green, another favorite color of mine along with pink and lavender. I was living somewhere with multiple stories since I was thinking about putting it in a spot where I would see at least my legs as I was coming down the stairs. The house I had in mind and pictured in my dream looked similar to my first childhood home. I was thinking about putting the mirror in the small space between the window and the corner of the room by where Dad’s chair was.

Later...

Decided it wouldn’t hurt to compromise with myself and share some things publicly on PB. Then, after people have a little time to see it, I can FO it.

Next thing I know I’m being asked to either take down or make private my last post, and no, I’m not going to do it simply because some people don’t want to hear it and don’t agree with it. I DO NOT support violence as a means of obtaining justice. Never have, never will, and I don’t care what color you are either.

Meanwhile, I’m not going to sit here and babysit some people’s fragile feelings and stifle my freedom of expression because some may not take it well or get the wrong idea. No one can agree on everything 100% of the time. Also, no one’s obligated to read my stuff either. You don’t like it… move on.

If sharing my opinion on being anti-violence is “racist” and “threatening,” (God only knows how they came up with that last one) then so be it. I’m not going to share only what I think most people will agree with and want to read. I’m here to express myself. Not to seek approval. Besides, if one is that sensitive, then why are they reading people’s journals in the first place?

We went to Rite Aid to get some treats and I got some merlot. Rather than drink it every day and risk becoming addicted, I drink it every other week. This keeps it more special this way too.

Lentil chips are really good. I’m glad they’re back.

We went for a bike ride and it was a touch windy and humid with the cloud coverage out there. Sometimes it was sunny. My heart was pounding at 124 when we got back. Coming up the hill against the wind isn’t easy and my legs felt kind of weak and rubbery for a little while afterward.

Made mashed potatoes in the slow cooker for the first time and they came out great. I used cream along with milk.

So excited about our upcoming move even if it’s still a whole year away. Still no idea how we’re going to move either. Going by ground would be harder on me but definitely safer so we can avoid “goesh.” Yeah, me and my silly little nicknames for everything. When we would log on to the internet at the extended-stay hotel we were in when we first came down from Oregon, it would say “connected to goesh.” The “G” was for gateway and of course the “esh” was for extended-stay hotel but I’m not sure what the “O” was for. Online?

Anyway, we were stuck there from August of 2007 until the following April as it pretty much sucked every last dime out of us. If I hadn’t won that 9k, we’d never have gotten out of there!

Nothing exciting in the way of dreams other than me scrubbing an old clawfoot tub that was stained and filthy.