I’m on for the dentist on the 30th to get my fillings done. The only thing right now is this faint aching feeling in my jaw that has me a little worried I’m reinfecting. What if he didn’t clean the infection out enough? We can’t afford to throw $1,700 in my mouth every month. Really wish there was a better long-term solution for my teeth. Right now I worry it’s going to flare up in which case it would get worse and worse each day until it was excruciating. God, I hope that doesn’t happen! But this is how these infections usually start. I just can’t get a fucking break, can I? :-(

But perfectly healthy Kim, despite being so humongous that she looks like a giant blow-up doll gone wrong, never has a fucking problem and will likely never know how good she’s got it either. Imagine your worst problem being that you can’t get your way and you can’t ride with someone you’re obsessed with, and then you get to spend all day sitting on your ass bitching about it.

As I was telling Aly, I’ve been in a few situations that were so shitty they made me see how easy past problems were in some ways. Just the extreme hell I went through with my health from 2014 to 2019 actually made the recession and even jail seem like not such big crises. Living like bums in tiny ancient trailers made me see that the Phoenix house wasn’t that small and dumpy, after all.

Well, what is it going to take for Kim to see how great she really has it? Who throws her in jail over nothing? Who sends her through hormonal hell? Who gives her one health issue after another? Who makes her live in poverty and insecurity?

I otherwise feel wonderful. I cut my pill today and will return to full doses tomorrow. Maybe next time around I’ll make it 11 weeks before I feel on edge. I may have to make pill cuts periodically all my life. I stopped losing weight, not surprisingly, so there’s no concern there. While I could afford it, if I lost 20 or so pounds, then I would be terrified of how the medication may affect me. But as I read and have heard, hypothyroidism usually makes you fat, but treatment doesn’t normally make you lose weight.

Although I haven’t had a scratchy throat, I can still feel a bulge in my neck depending on the position my head is in.

Really wondering what the hell is wrong with Blitz. He doesn’t limp as much, but he has a noticeable red spot on his hip and we’re still not sure what it is. It’s common for guinea pigs to get things like cysts, tumors, abscesses and other forms of growths which can be cancerous or benign. Nothing can be done to prevent them. If this is serious, he may very well be gone in a few months, but I don’t think it is.

I thought of unblocking the termites and then seeing if they notice and then replying with the journal excerpts if they do and contact me but unblocking them could cause problems. Tammy could look for a post of mine that she’s commented on and add something I definitely wouldn’t want others to see. She could also comment on a comment I made to Norma. I wish there was a way I could go around and delete all the comments I’ve ever received from the termites, but I don’t see how that’s possible. I would have to comb through my entire wall bit by bit and it’s just not worth that amount of work. But I know that unblocking them would bring all their comments and reactions back. I’ll just wait until we’ve been gone for a year or so and then send the excerpts before reblocking them.

Just read that if she commented on something that wasn’t public, then she could no longer find the comment and add another one to it.

But I don’t want to give Becky and Sarah a chance to block me if they haven’t already and don’t know that you can block someone who blocked you first because then I can’t deliver the excerpts as easily. I thought of asking Aly to piggyback the excerpts but they’re not likely to get them that way since they were never connected before. Even if the account wasn’t in her real name, they would probably think I was behind the account.

A fucking motorcycle came tearing in at midnight last night and then ran back out that was insanely loud. I could feel the fucking vibration beneath my feet which were touching the floor. It’s pretty fucking sad that this is what adult communities have come to. They definitely aren’t what they were 20 years ago. I swear I heard about five gunshots too. Hopefully, they popped the fucker.

I’m just pissed that the world has come to what it has and that I’m never going to be able to return to the days of getting away with just sleeping with a fan or air cleaner, even at night. Can’t do that here with those fuckers roaring by just 20 feet from the bedroom until maybe November.

Thought about anonymously contacting the office and demanding they do something about the late-night motorcycles, but they’ll just figure out it’s me and counter-complain without doing shit.

Oh, and remember the days when you could go online without hearing about racism on every single fucking site you went to? Damn, do I miss those days as well! At this point, it’s no longer a matter of who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s TOO DAMN MUCH! Period. People need to find something else to run into the ground and obsess over. It’s never healthy or productive to fixate on something endlessly.

We went over our plans until the winter. We’re focusing on curb appeal so Tom was going over ideas for outside the house such as adding rocks along the carport, replacing the old rotted fence on the back corner, and maybe having someone come out to take care of the tree between us and next door. It would be safer, since it’s not a sturdy tree, if it wasn’t taller than the roof.

We won’t touch up the inside until we’re about to list the house. He thinks we’ll be out of here by May. That would be awesome! Wish I knew our moving date so I could start a countdown.

He still hopes to work during the holiday season for extra money. Of course he’s getting interview offers. When he wanted them, he couldn’t get them and now that he doesn’t want them, he gets them. Life is so the opposite of what we want.

We talked about possibly hiring a realtor to get us a place so we’ll have a place to move into when we arrive in Florida, and that way we can skip hotels if we were to fly and an extended stay in RV parks if we drive. This would be the temporary climate testing place. We would just tell the realtor what we wanted and check it out on Google Maps to see what was around it. I would really like to get on a cul-de-sac or something. Fewer houses so close to us would be nice as well. Common areas could be a problem too, so we have to consider everything around the place with me needing to sleep in the daytime half the time.

I have a feeling I’m never going to get to live in peace no matter where we go and I’m always going to be stuck in places built in the 20th century. Then again, any place that’s not on a busy road or in a flight path has to be at least a little better than this. I’m surprised the planes aren’t going crazy tonight. I heard quite a mix of small planes and commercials throughout most of my day.

Fly or drive? It’s still a tough call. I want to meet Aly and I want to give her the doll. But he hates to drive and I love to fly.

If we went by ground but had a place to move right into, that would make traveling that way easier on me because then I would only lose sleep during the days it took to get across the country. At least not unless the day we got there I was woken up by someone’s mutt barking too close to the bedroom, then a visiting kid screamed me awake the next day, then a storm thundered me awake the next day, and then mowers the next.

With a fan, I could sleep through the mowers that came to mow the duplex in Oregon, but these are big commercial monsters that go right up to the windows so I don’t know if they’re going to be easy to mask or not.

We’re gonna see if we can sell or donate the couch and whatever else. During one of the bulk pickups, he’s gonna dump his bed and sleep on the airbed that has a hole in it somewhere. I’m getting a new airbed when we get to the tester place. A cheap twin mattress that’s on the floor until I have a real bed of whatever kind is fine.

Anyway, we took the bikes out when it was in the low 80s. It was a little blinding when I was facing the sun because we went out late in the day.

He finished putting the soundproofing around the AC panel in the window and I can operate it by remote from bed if I wake up too warm or cold. From now on the house AC will stay at 78 degrees. When I want to make it cooler in the bedroom for sleeping, I can do that. I love the peace of mind that comes with having it as a backup if the house AC decided to crap out on us, and how it should definitely save money most of the year.

I was once again thinking about how Aly said she wouldn’t tell me what she had on me because then she would lose that “power” before telling me she didn’t really have much dirt on me as opposed to others.

If it’s something she feels telling me would cause her to lose power over, then it makes me wonder if she’s got any passwords to any sites my journal is on which she would know I could run and change or maybe even remove the journals altogether. If she’s found a way to read them, though, oh well. As long as she doesn’t delete or alter them in any way, that’s on her because she’s the one who’s going to have to live with what she reads that she may not like, after all. :-)

For a minute I thought of Tom’s case but surely she’s got to know that being in a different state wouldn’t give her any power. Not for a misdemeanor. You could call and report the location of a murderer in any state and the cops would come running, but not in his case. If she really feels she has anything on me that she could use, although I can’t imagine what, she’s not going to tell me about it. But then why didn’t she use it when she dumped me? Maybe because she feels I didn’t do anything bad enough to deserve revenge?

Had a series of weird dreams. In one of them, I was pulling up these socks that were made out of this strange material. I decided I would throw them out since they felt too weird and didn’t fit right. One sock reached all the way up to my groin. I went to show Tom how funny they looked but when I looked down at my legs, they were bare.

In the next dream, I was at the front door. As usual, it didn’t look like any place we lived in. I looked out toward the street and saw a couple of old guys talking and then I stepped back and stretched out on the couch for a nap.

Then I dreamed I was at this woman’s house. She may’ve been in her 30s. I didn’t seem to know Tom. I told her I was worried I may have to move to a particular place, and she said, “Yeah, you may have to if…”

Then I suggested we be roommates and offered to take over the cooking, cleaning and laundry and she said, “Nah, just seven seconds,” as if it took her no time at all to do these things herself.

I was then walking around the outside of this jail that looked more like a farm. Several inmates hung out in a fenced-in area in back of the place and I knew that one of the inmates was Jodi Arias. There was also another female killer with the same first name. I spotted Jodi Arias who had her back toward me. The top of her uniform was a bit large and part of her shoulder was exposed which appeared to be dotted with bruises.

“Which Jodi killer is worse?” I asked jokingly. Then a handful of inmates looked at me like I was mean to ask such a thing and moved further away from the fence.

Next thing I know, I’m the one in jail. I don’t know why or for how long, but this place didn’t look like a jail either.

I casually walked through the place. There were various rooms with various groups of inmates. I wanted to find my room because I was tired and wanted to lie down. I couldn’t figure out how to get upstairs to the bedrooms, though. Instead, I found a ladder leading up to a wooden frame with a large piece of material draped over it. I climbed the 6 rungs or so to check it out and saw it was a large hammock of sorts.

Disinterested, I climbed back down as Tom approached me with some of my belongings in his hands. I knew he had to leave me there and that I couldn’t go with him. The dream ended with him telling me what things he had to take with him and what things he could leave with me.