Thanks, God, for cursing me with a sleep disorder and adding insult to injury by making me the lightest sleeper on earth too. Thank you for allowing insanely loud service trucks to disrupt an already disrupted sleep. I needed that. Be sure to keep the chronic insomnia going! After all, I’m such a horrible, horrible person that I must deserve to spend half my life or more exhausted, right? Right? So keep it up.

Meanwhile, don’t you dare mess with the sleep of those whose worst problem in life is being reeled in by the leash for obsessively sending a million postal and digital messages. After all, nothing is ever Kim’s fault and she should have the right to harass poor old ladies whenever the hell she wants. Shame on you for letting her sister make her do chores! And damn you to hell for forcing her to go on walks too. She doesn’t need that drama in her life. What the hell were you thinking, “God?”

In the meantime, please continue to show your love and support by allowing my sleep to be disrupted regularly, if not by traffic then just for shits and giggles. Bless me with motorcycles and a variety of loud projects when we get to the tester house in Florida so it’s hard for me to test just how often the thunderstorms wake me up when I’m already being woken up plenty enough as it is. Oh, and don’t forget the health issues! Lavish me with plenty of those too. I want ‘em all. New ones, repeats of old ones; just gimme a damn good variety. Pain, discomfort, exhaustion… Be generous because come on, we both know I deserve those things, don’t we? Why don’t you also bring back the anxiety while you’re at it? It’s perfect for a worthless piece of shit like me.

sighs with frustration There are three kinds of insomnia from what I read. Excitement insomnia, grief insomnia, and chronic insomnia. Unfortunately, I have the last one where I have a mix of trouble falling asleep, trouble staying asleep, waking up too soon, and not waking up refreshed. I don’t know that this shit will ever go away. It did say that we sleep less restfully as we age, as I’ve always heard, and are more likely to wake up from noise. Well, I know the days of sleeping soundly without waking up even for a second are long gone. Haven’t done that since somewhere in my late twenties or early thirties. I’m amazed that Tom still sleeps well, though he does wake up for a few seconds here and there at times.

I’ve been alternating between sleeping shitty and being tired the next day, and then sleeping better, having more energy the next day, but then being up 18-20 hours. I was up for 20 hours last night and got up after 6 hours of shitty sleep.

My new multivitamin made me nauseous yesterday, so I took today’s with a full meal and had no problem.

I appreciate Aly thanking me for my friendship. Her nail strips will finally be going out tomorrow. But poor Dixie. I’m so exhausted that I don’t know when I’m going to be able to get down to visit with her. I called about this evening since all I’d do is just sit there and chat, but she’s got company. So we’re on for tomorrow, I guess.

Aly and I agreed to ghost Kim until she’s tucked in bed for a perfect night’s sleep on Thursday. Instead of swapping the same old shit with her on a daily basis, I may only check in every 2-3 days. I asked Tom if he would ghost someone who was annoyingly repetitious with long, repetitive and rambling messages and if he didn’t like the mentally ill and he said he wouldn’t. So I decided I’ll do intermittent ghosting with Kim and never say a word about June or in response to June, not that it would register with the dumb shit as to why. I got two more rambling messages waiting for me when I got up with the same shit she’s been saying… it’s all everyone else’s fault but hers, she’s innocent of what she’s accused of, and yes, she thinks it’s time to forget June. eye roll

Too tired to write everything I wanted to write about tonight, so I’ll leave it at this. Like most projects around here, I’m sure this shit will go on for weeks and that they’ll wake me up tomorrow too. So fucking sick of being woken up every time someone does a project around here!!! Next year can’t come fast enough. As long as we don’t end up next to anyone with a motorcycle or a circular saw, it should be an improvement. Or a regular visitor on a motorcycle. Otherwise, we could go from bad to worse. At least we won’t be in a park for long. Then it just comes down to how that climate affects my asthma and my sleep with all the thunderstorms.