Yesterday afternoon we crept along behind California’s typical slow drivers over to Roseville to see Dr. A. Because my appointment was late in the afternoon, she was behind schedule.

When she finally came in, she felt around my neck but didn’t find any lumps which was good. She doesn’t think an ultrasound is necessary at this time. What surprised me was that she thinks it may be arthritis.

Arthritis causing a bulge to be noticeable in my neck? And what about that scratchy feeling I occasionally get when I swallow? I do trust her not to have found any lumps, but I never would have guessed arthritis. I guess it’s possible when you think about the fact that arthritis is inflammation and that swells up, which would account for feeling a little bulge in that area. But even when it’s the least noticeable, it’s still noticeable, so yeah, a surprising diagnosis. At least my gut feeling was right on again in that it wasn’t anything serious.

She felt compelled to do a breast exam since I told her I had a sore spot at the side of one boob that I thought was a swollen lymph node, and damn was that uncomfortable! She didn’t feel anything questionable, but I would think that this late in life I wouldn’t be so damn sensitive when they’re pressed on like that. I could cup them with my hands and press on them and it doesn’t hurt at all. It’s only if they’re pressed in concentrated little spots.

A couple of nights ago I had a quick spike in HR for the first time in a while. I started to get that weird feeling come over me that’s kind of hard to describe and then my heart pounded for a couple of minutes. By the time I checked my blood pressure my HR was down to 95. It started to get a little scary but not as scary as it used to be when I wasn’t sure what it was and before I had EMDR.

It’s amazing I didn’t get sick yesterday when I decided to go on a binge. I hadn’t eaten much all day because I didn’t want my weight to be up at the doctor’s office. It was actually down. So I made up for lost time with four slices of pizza, a candy bar, and some Fritos. I wouldn’t even dare touch any of the wine I got at Rite Aid on the way home from the doctor because I knew I would be needing Tums if I did.

Another surprise was that I woke up with my weight down a little more. I was famished by the time I binged yesterday after having just a piece of fruit and a small pork chop all day. I’ve been binging once or twice a week for centuries now and it hasn’t killed me yet. I just don’t think I could stick to low carbs indefinitely because I would miss having more variety and I don’t want to overdo the cholesterol. I’m having way too much of that as it is. But if I go keto or Atkins, I could really be putting my heart at risk and it’s not worth it. I know it would help my blood pressure even more and put me at less risk of new diseases if I lost just a teeny bit of weight but even if I did that, that weight loss would still have to be maintained through almost equally as hard work and I just can’t see myself slaving for what may not amount to much in the end, if anything at all.

They’re starting to prep for the new house and for the most part they’ve been surprisingly quiet about it. They’re quieter today than they were yesterday. Yesterday there was some jackhammering because they had to remove the cement retaining wall. The dimensions of the new house aren’t going to fit the old dimensions exactly, so they’re digging in the crawl space and busting out cement. They left the loud vehicles there overnight, so they didn’t go roaring by the bedroom this morning before I got up. But between the loud traffic yesterday and their work, it almost sounded like old times around here.

With over 15 million coronavirus cases worldwide and the fact that the summer hasn’t slowed it down goes to show it’s not the flu. However, Tom said he read that there are a few very promising vaccines and that the UK could be fully vaccinated by the end of the year. I just hope this shit doesn’t interfere with moving!

I did have an encouraging dream where I was out walking and as I was coming back to the house, I was delighted to find a for-sale sign at our place as it was sooner than expected.

I mentioned my fatigue to Doc A, and she said there are multiple things that can cause fatigue but that trying the Centrum Silver can’t hurt. Then we’ll see what my numbers say in October. I’m a bit worried about that. I just really hope I’m not calmer these days because my thyroid has died off some more. And of course there are the glucose and cholesterol numbers and God knows what else to worry about as well.

I’m frustrated that the stamps haven’t arrived yet and that they have to come all the way from Kansas when there are post offices everywhere, but then I realized it may be because of the design I chose… Year of the Rat.

Kim is getting to both Aly and me with her regular June obsession. Aly is at her wit’s end with her and almost ready to dump her because she’s tired of the long, rambling and repetitive messages about her, and her behavior denial. Kim told us both that her sister feels she’s harassing June and put a tracker on her phone so she can see who she texts and how often. She’s been ordered to text June only once a month. June complained to Carol about the excessive snail mail and digital messages.

Aly and I don’t doubt for an instant that Kim’s getting carried away with stalking and harassing June. I know from first-hand experience that Kim is notorious for harassing, stalking and getting overly fixated on whoever, just as Molly has. I just don’t get how she can be so stupid and blind to her ways. How can she not see how she is?

She’s at risk of losing her phone which Aly and I hope she does so we can get a break from her for a while not that it would teach her anything. She’s as unteachable as unteachable gets. Hell, a fucking dog is smarter than she is! But doesn’t she still have a Kindle hidden away in her closet somewhere?

So I joked, although seriously, with Aly about ghosting her together for a week and then contacting her asking why we haven’t heard from her, LOL.

Just got another message from her. I told her, “Come on, you and I have both been known to harass others online in the past,” and I totally admit I’m guilty of that. So she replies with, “Haha, I remember the drama with Molly and Kathy. We were just having fun. No harm was done.”

But she doesn’t remember stalking and harassing me for years, right? Hey, why should she when she just asked me how my chocolate coffee was right fucking after I told her I didn’t care for it? Fucking dumbass idiot!

I’m torn between ghosting her for good and not. A part of me would feel guilty even though I shouldn’t since she’s a habitual liar, and I know karma would get me for it. Every time I dump someone, something bad happens to me.

But I’m sick of the same old shit! I think taking a break for a week with Aly would be a good thing for now.

It just pisses the fuck out of Aly and me to see her have this great life and to basically be pampered with everything handed to her for nothing, while Aly and I have suffered from all kinds of shit. And oh, the constant agreeing! It’s annoying as fuck. As annoying as those who always happen to agree.