I’ve been tired ever since I got up in the early afternoon. I guess I’m just stressing too much over my appointments that I’m not sleeping well. Time to try to take Tom’s advice and quit worrying about my schedule for a while and just sleep when I need to without forcing myself to get up too soon.

Feeling a little down tonight as well though I’m not sure why. Probably just medication stress. I start the other brand of statins tonight. Not expecting any trouble from that. It’s whether or not I can get my usual brand of thyroid medication and what may happen if I can’t that has me concerned. I would try the name brand before I tried anything else but that may cost a fortune.

You know, I’m just tired of being a fluke. Just a freaky little fluke of nature. If it’s rare, it’s me. How many people have atresia? How many people have CRD? How many people have both? So of course I have to be one of the few that is sensitive to a medication I need and that most people can take without problems. Of course.

Can’t help but feel like there’s something up there that doesn’t want me to fully treat my disease. It just really seems like I’m not meant to have a normal metabolism as much as I try to tell myself things just happened to be this way without design. If that’s true, then how come that’s not what I’m sensing? I mean I just don’t feel that way. No, something up there gave me a disease in which it knew I would be sensitive to the medication so I would suffer. Something up there also seems hell-bent on me not having normal TSH numbers. There’s simply too much of a pattern. The more the same things happen over and over again, that can’t possibly be a coincidence, can it?

But if my gut feeling is right, then why? Why would anything want me to suffer so much and why can’t I have an optimal metabolism? It should know I don’t give as much of a shit as I perhaps should about my weight, and besides, a normal thyroid doesn’t always mean you can lose weight. I’ve found numerous complaints about people being surprised and disappointed to get their thyroid on track just to still not be able to lose weight. Age and genetics are also a factor and being American doesn’t help either. Your average American is overweight even if most no doubt consider me a petite little thing.

I also had a clear discharge of some kind yesterday. This has happened a few times. It was like mid-cycle runs, as I would call it, all over again. I don’t think it was pee because I didn’t feel anything leaving my body. I didn’t feel anything leaving my pussy either but what else could it be? I just hope it wasn’t a sign of anything bad. I haven’t had any cramps or any other symptoms and have been blissfully unaware of my lady parts so that’s good. At the end of next month, it will be a year since the last period I had after not getting one for 15 months. Really hope I’m done!

I also hope my doc hasn’t gotten the virus and that she’s just on vacation even though it seems like a bit of an odd time to be on vacation. Don’t doctors usually have most of December off and part of early January?

A nurse called Tom about his results and mentioned that my doc wasn’t around. I hope she hasn’t left and that they just haven’t had time to formally notify her patients. I would really hate to have to start over with a new doctor right before we move! But it explains why I never got a reply to my message, not that it’s urgent.

We’ve had more wind and rain over the last couple of days than we’ve had in quite a while. Last night I could practically feel the house shudder as the winds reached slightly above 30 miles per hour. Fortunately, none of the roof shingles lifted enough to let the rain in. We definitely don’t need any more water spots to have to paint over. But so far, no leaks. :-)

We seem to have big storms here every few years. I remember the first one was a handful of months after we came down here and were still in motels, then there was one a few years ago.

Sometimes I wonder if our best bet would be to take a cheap, dumpy little place if we don’t get a good offer on this place rather than stay back another year to fix and flip it. I guess it will depend on how bad of an offer we may get.

It’s hard not to want to get the fuck out of here because I feel like I’ve been the worst both physically and emotionally in this place than any other place I’ve ever lived. I’d love to think there’s just some kind of bad energy associated with this house that I’ll escape when we move but things have a way of following me and returning to haunt me. At least it will be warmer.