I looked up 3 people I used to know on the old Kiwibox (I miss that site) since it’s been 14 years. They’re still in the same states. I guess most people still don’t change states much. Either way, they’re in their mid-to-late thirties now.

Emma and Amber are still in Illinois but on opposite sides of the state.

Jasmine is still in Maryland, is dating a woman, and not surprisingly, has a job that involves kids. I hope she gets to have the kids she talked about wanting.

Amber is still working with animals and I’m not sure what Emma is doing. Some kind of bio research. An email address came up connected to Emma’s work so just for kicks, I said hello. I laugh when I remember the silly little arguments we used to have, even though they did have a point as to the reliability of pregnancy prevention by using the pull-out method. Sort of anyway. I mean, it’s easy to think something is more effective than it is when you’re DES-exposed like I was. I think it’s better than nothing but not a hundred percent foolproof.

Emma’s reaction was a reminder that people don’t get over the past. It wasn’t what she said, it’s what she did. When I looked in on her on Facebook from Mia’s account, I saw that most of her pictures were gone. I’m not sure what purpose this is supposed to serve her since I know I’m harmless and it was just a quick and friendly message. However, I realize that most people don’t have the kind of memory for names and other things that I have and they don’t realize you can simply run people’s names for free and get all kinds of info so she may see it as “stalking” which I certainly have no intention of doing, of course. I really don’t remember that much about her. Just said she had vivid blue eyes, started off skinny, and then gained weight (I know what that’s like), and she said she loved being cold. She lived in Naperville and I guess now Chicago.

But yeah, I miss the site in general despite the drama. I loved how artistic we could be when it came to colors for our entries, and of course, that’s where Aly and I met. She was only 27 and I was 42. I will never get over her death. Never.

My heart did its funny dance while I was in Chicago. I thought getting more thyroid was supposed to reduce this shit. I don’t have it every day but close enough. Maybe it really is normal for some older people. As long as I’ve had it, it can’t be serious. It’s a weird feeling. You kind of get used to it at the same time it’s still unnerving. Almost like your heart wants to squeeze up through your throat. I’m not sure if it’s air embolisms or just some weird flutter. It did it for two beats and then about half a minute later for one beat.

I woke up tired and I’ve been tired all day. This is what happens when I’m up for so long the day before. I was going to work on Kim’s monthly letter and then I decided to wait till it’s closer to her birthday. I forgot if she’s going to be 43 or 44.

I texted my docs for a refill on my medication. Thank God it’s not a medication that can induce a miscarriage otherwise I would have to fight for treatment despite being well past my childbearing years and infertile.

I’m not sure what to think of these plants. I think their biggest problem is the lack of humidity indoors. I swear, though, if these plants don’t make it, I’m sticking to bamboo only because you can’t over or under water them and they don’t seem to mind the lack of humidity. I mist them every day but it evaporates pretty quickly.

I had a dream I paid $25 to enter a karaoke contest. When I suddenly thought of how I hadn’t sung in a while and didn’t remember the lyrics to the song I was going to sing in Spanish, I wanted to withdraw from the contest and hoped I could get a refund.

If I’d known where we were going to end up, I might have brought the enabler’s urn here. And since Tom can throw further than me I’d have him throw him in back and he could stay there until they built something there and discovered him and were like, ooh, I wonder what this could be or better yet who it could be. That is assuming the movers didn’t break him too. I just think they’re going to build there long before they tear down the Cali house. You never know, though. The lady there may bury one of her cats where he is.