Tom hung my suncatchers for me and they look great.

Many people are concerned that the Supreme Court may rule in favor of a state’s right to refuse to provide Medicare or Medicaid to its residents while still receiving federal funding for it.

And criminalizing abortion is exactly why I fear this kind of shit happening as well, and God knows what to SS. Crazy begets crazy till Americans are willing to fight back the right way, and like it or not, it ain’t with words and signs. I just hope if Florida bans it there’ll be another state we can move to…until a federal ban goes into effect. Once abortion, gay marriage, and other things reach a federal level, then we’re really screwed. Sometimes I wonder if they’re gonna push to keep everyone working till they die and ban everything else that doesn’t align with their twisted ways of thinking.

Instead of being able to simply ask for and get a refill on 88s, I’m asked if I also need 75s and I have to remind them that I’m on 88s daily now. On top of that, I have a hypothyroid follow-up form to fill out asking if I have any symptoms. I told them I still have fatigue at times and palpitations/racing heart. Really hope they don’t bring up the monitor thing again because the only one I could sleep with is not covered by our insurance.

Got some Glade oil plug-in warmers to keep the rooms smelling fresh when I’m not burning incense. Fall Night Long for the living room, Berry Splash for the bedroom, and my favorite for the kitchen which is Vanilla Caramel.

Although I have gotten a little more used to it, the planes still annoy me at times because they are so constant. I really miss the days when you heard just an occasional playing fly overhead and that was it. Sometimes they’re every few minutes, especially in the early mornings. As I said, these days it isn’t a matter of being able to escape a flight path altogether but getting in a path that’s high up enough that you can’t hear them inside your house. But that would be very hard to do these days unless you live in the middle of nowhere. You need to be where they’re no lower than about 25,000 ft. They’re always going to be a part of my everyday life, though, so I guess I better just be glad they’re not as loud as boom car stereos or anything like sonic booms.

So there are three sections in this park. There is the South section which has new houses and the West Section which has the newest houses. Then there’s the Legacy section which we’re in. When checking up on the latest neighborhood gossip, there was mention of someone’s shed being broken into but I don’t know where other than that it was in this section. The Legacy section is big compared to the South, no one’s living in the West yet, so I think it was likely close to the entrance where the person could escape easily enough.

Also, Jim shared a picture of a woman walking between his place and the house next to him and wrote that he understands that we lease our lots but would like for people not to walk on his lot and that if anyone sees the person to mention it to them.

Why is it I have a feeling that if I was the one to post this I would get lynched? It’s not my land, after all, I don’t own it, so I don’t have the right to demand people not walk on it, they’d say.

I’m doing better with my resolve to stop reaching out to those who have shown a blatant lack of interest in being a part of my life. I haven’t contacted Christiane, for ex, and I know I’ll never hear from her again. She’s just one of many examples. I miss Nane at times but everyone else I used to know whether they were friends or relatives is in my past to stay. I would never allow them back into my life no matter what they tried to tell me. In fact, I’m thinking of deactivating Mia’s account because I just don’t care anymore. Yes, there are a few things I could say to the termites but nothing that would sink in. So staying away from toxic people isn’t just a matter of knowing that some people never change but also about respecting and protecting myself. It’s about knowing I deserve better.

I still worry about end-of-life stuff more than I should. I try to tell myself that whatever is going to happen is going to happen and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. The problem with that is that while I not only fear what dying may be like and what may lie ahead in a possible afterlife, I also fear us not having the help we need in the end. So many different things could go wrong. He says I could always Uber to see him if he were ever in the hospital but I would still feel helpless not being able to drive him if he needed to be driven anywhere. And also not being able to drive myself wherever. It’s not my fault I have a phobia I never could get over but still.

I don’t want to be left alone to kill myself and die all alone if he went first but I don’t want to leave him alone either if I went first.

It’s really sweet of Jessie to suggest we live like The Golden Girls if we both lost our husbands but that’s much easier said than done. Even if I wasn’t depressed over missing him it’s just not feasible. I can’t ask her not to have visitors while I slept and I doubt she could help me with tech issues I couldn’t figure out for myself but that Tom could always figure out. We couldn’t soundproof the windows or the bedroom so I’d have a better chance of sleeping through motorcycles and storms and there are just many little things that would make it hard for me and therefore hard for her. I know I would be so miserable that I would be much better off dead. I try to tell myself to stop stressing over it in the meantime.

“You’re either going to die first or he’s going to die and then you’re going to kill yourself. It’s going to be one or the other and you can’t know when it’s going to happen,” I tell myself. Maybe we’ll find out he has terminal cancer and kill ourselves together. So there are technically three different ways this could end. But we’re both alive and mostly healthy today and I need to remind myself of this. I need to just live and enjoy what’s left of my life which I still think is a good 20 years or so. That’s a long time. Even a decade is quite long.