Things are bad for me again. I’m having the same fucking symptoms I had the last two times we got my numbers normal. If they’re not normal, they’ve got to be pretty damn close. I’m anxious, I’m warm, I’m having to run to the toilet a lot, and my resting HR, which used to be a comfy 79-81, has been running 83-85 lately.

Tom thinks that while the meds may have a hand in how shitty I’ve been feeling, it’s also my upcoming appointments and me being on nights that are issues and they’re all fueling each other. He said once I eliminate one or more of these stressors, I won’t be so bad. Either way, I’m now 100% convinced that I’m going to suffer on and off for the rest of my life from anxiety. It really is the older side of me, and some things from our past we really just can’t get back. Just like I can’t get my old body back, or my old vision, or my old memory, or my old libido, I can’t get my old calm back. Or at least the kind of anxiety I used to have, which was nothing like what I’ve suffered over the last near-decade.

Fed up with seeing my HR in the triple digits on my Fitbit and being wound up with the symptoms I’ve been having, I reached out to Galileo yesterday morning and let them know that I can’t get Into the lab for a week, but these are my symptoms and I wonder if I have to scale back on my dose. Really, it’s like my body just doesn’t want to have a normal TSH. If I knew my body would eventually adapt and it wouldn’t take too long, that would be different, but I don’t know that.

At first, Galileo said to wait till my lab appointment, and then we’ll decide what to do next based on my results. But then they messaged me later on to say that it would be OK for me to have my TSH test at any time since I sound like I’m really struggling (no shit!) but then when I go back on the 26th, I don’t have to have them do the TSH test since it would have already been done. Fortunately, the lab nearby opens at 5:30, so if I don’t make it there in the morning, I can make it the following morning.

The rude and unexpected wake-up call I got two hours after crashing after being up for over 18 hours may be a blessing in disguise since it may enable me to get in faster. They fucking mowed today! Not only that, but it was the wrong day and the loud mower. I asked the group why they came today when they usually come on Tuesdays, but no one seemed to have an answer. When it first woke me up, I thought it was a low-flying helicopter.

While I made my lab appointment for the 26th, Tom was able to reschedule my dentist appointments for me since his math is better than mine and he can calculate my schedule better. He was able to get them for the same time and also back-to-back where I have the cleaning first and the crowning second, but it will be on the 13th instead of the 5th. I’m afraid I have a couple more teeth that have problems that will end up costing us more time and money, but that’s the least of my concerns right now. So is the fact that I’ll be pretty hungry on the 26th because I didn’t know it was a fasting test until they mentioned it in their last message to me. This tells me they’re likely testing cholesterol and glucose. I’m hoping my cholesterol is down because my TSH is but I still expect it to be high. Either way, I’m not taking medication for it. They’re welcome to suggest a natural remedy, though.

The whole thing is just frustrating as fuck. Same old shit year after year. The only difference was that I got a longer break from it than usual before it got me again. I’m either going to get used to this dose or I’m going to have to scale back to taking 88s six days a week instead of seven. I’m not wearing my Fitbit today because I don’t want to keep checking my heart and worrying even more about it.

My only other complaint is the fucking planes. They’ve been horrible again. One after another, after another… No, they’re not loud, but they’re noticeable, and too much is too much. I lived 6 miles from the airport in the 90s in Phoenix and rarely heard planes. Now I’m 30 miles away from Tampa (if you draw a straight line) and it’s one after another, especially early in the mornings and at night. It’s just ridiculous.

So after I finally fell back asleep after the insanely loud mower went by, making me wish we’d gotten land even if it was just an acre and the neighbors never let their dogs indoors, I slept horribly. Of course I had to have medication-related dreams. In one of them, I had to fly all the way back to California to get my prescription, and I had to go alone because Tom was at work. But then they didn’t even have the damn thing!

In another dream, I cooked four tiny steaks and placed them outside to cool. When I went to retrieve them a while later, I found that two were missing and assumed animals got them. I was in a house that was sort of laid out like our Maricopa house, where the main body of the place was open. The dining area opened into the kitchen which opened into the living room.

Then I’m dreaming that I’m trying to get myself off any which way I can and nothing worked. LOL