That “summer’s over” feeling is in the air now. It’s getting down to 62 degrees tonight. It shouldn’t be getting down that low until January. But hey, as I was unfortunate to learn last year, we do have winter here. It just doesn’t snow.

The storm season is over, it’s as dry as NorCal, and after they wake me up tomorrow when they come to mow, they should be down to mowing every other week.

I’m pissed about the $40 rent increase, which means we now have to pay $558 a month. But the good thing is that there’s a cap on it.

When I saw a black SUV parked in Irma’s driveway, I figured it was connected to Linda, who always, always has company. But I said “welcome back” to her anyway in the group just to see how she would respond if she responded at all. She said she wouldn’t be back until the winter, it was probably just the neighbor, and thanks for keeping an eye on her house.

So her not coming after the New Year is the norm for her. I can live with that. I just wish they didn’t return until then across the street, but I’m expecting them down by early November, if not this month.

Irma sent me a friend request, which I accepted.

After years of continuing to suffer on and off, I am seriously contemplating ending it all. I just don’t see the point of going on if I’m going to feel like shit physically or emotionally, so much of the time. I’m either anxious or I’m in pain or I’m depressed or I’m tired. Rarely do I have good days like I’m having today. I wanted to get my journal project done first so I will still aim for that. My life is pretty much over anyway. I’m just gonna do the same things almost every day for 20 years with little to no hope for any real change or surprises along the way. Once you get to be this age, not much changes. At least not for the better. Back when I was young and had dreams to strive for, they may have been silly dreams and they may have been hopeless, but they were there. I was healthier too, and let’s not forget that I could actually see without glasses. These days, I can barely see even with them.

I read that menopause symptoms, including hot flashes and emotional changes, can last for 7.4 years after the last period. So I’m supposed to just sit around and let myself suffer for four more years? That’s half the time I’ve already suffered!

Reading about this gives me a faint sliver of hope but also makes me want to scream at the same time. If only I could know for sure what the cause(s) of my problems are and if they were treatable or at least if they’ll go away on their own someday and when.

Tom won’t be seeing his doctor until January. Luckily, they don’t see the need to put him on levothyroxine. They just recommend he take vitamin D a few times a week.

Ran out to the dollar store today. Perhaps we’ll go to CVS tomorrow.

The new wooden wind chime is now hanging off the tree, and the plants have their happy light. We’re gonna have it on from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM every day.