Although I’m still tired, I’m starting to perk up emotionally a little bit. It definitely seems to be more of a problem toward the middle of my day. As Galileo knows, I’ve begun cutting the hydroxyzine in half because of the way it makes me drowsy. I told them that children’s melatonin seems to help more with sleep and they said that’s OK to take. Meanwhile, unless it blows up my stomach beforehand, it can take the Saint John’s wort a few weeks to be beneficial.

My biggest fear right now is that I can’t be helped. I just wonder because of all the celebrities that have taken their lives. If they were so fixable, why did Robin Williams, Kate Spade, Naomi Judd, and others kill themselves? I just want my sanity back and not to be so tired all the time!

If this is more on the menopause than the thyroid medication, what if I’m permanently left this way and there’s no medication to fix me? Is it possible that my body can never adjust to the lack of estrogen? I don’t understand why I haven’t gotten used to the medication if that’s it, or why my hormones haven’t settled in yet if that’s it. I’m finding it hard not to think of all the worst possible what-ifs.

At about 6:00 in the evening, they had their Christmas parade and Amazon Prime was blasting the fuck out of its music. I could hear it loud and clear over the air cleaner and the fan as I was lying down. Why oh why are these delivery people allowed to do this??? Why don’t they get more complaints? It’s like they found the parade the perfect chance to get attention for themselves. Or maybe they did it because they were pissed that the parade was holding them up. I still don’t get why they’re not ordered to use headphones if they want to play music that loud. The delivery truck shouldn’t come with stereos that can play that loud, and they shouldn’t be allowed to take their own either. More and more people aren’t allowed to have their cell phones on the job so why can they go around blasting the shit out of people instead?

The honker and Kari have taken off somewhere. I don’t know if they’ve gone back up to Canada or maybe over to Texas where they seem to have relatives. All I know is that it’s been cold as fuck for Florida.