I’m back to wishing I didn’t have another 20 years to live. Yeah, my anxiety was bad yesterday and so was my stomach. My stomach is still wonky too. I once again put away the B-complex and folic acid in case those things were aggravating it. The only thing that doesn’t make sense is that if those were the problem to begin with, why was my stomach still bad a month later?

It really frustrates me when this shit happens right as I’m about to fall asleep. But it does seem to be a beginning and end-day thing lately. I worry that I’m going to have a hard time getting the HIDA scan done if it doesn’t back off again soon because we have to go all the way down to Tampa as that’s the closest place that does nuclear testing. That means I’m going to spend over 2 hours on the road going back and forth. But they recommend I get that done before I make the appointment with the gastro doc.

Meanwhile two shit samples down, one to go. I still have to do the Cologuard one but this morning I did the one that should determine whether or not it’s IBS or IBD. It’s in the freezer. Yeah, pretty disgusting. I don’t know why it has to be frozen but it does.

We picked up the shit kit from the lab yesterday morning but that’s the only place we went. I’m surprised I was called in practically a second after indicating on the kiosk that I was there to pick up specimen supplies.

I’m starting to suspect IBD because I get so crampy and I’ve lost a little weight. I know it’s not cancer because that would call for rapid weight loss. I had a feeling (still do) it was the worst thing I could get. And, yeah, getting something that you have to really suffer with for the rest of your life is worse than something that just kills you, at least in some ways.

The anxiety was the usual pattern where I had most of it during the middle of my day. It was still way too many hours for comfort. I was bad for about 6 hours. I’m afraid I’m not going to feel better till next year. If this cycle is anything like the last one, then I’m going to suffer for the rest of the year and probably won’t get a break until mid-January or so.

So I talked to Andy yesterday and a part of me regrets it. I love Andy but he really is best kept at a distance. His insane memory issues, stubbornness, judgmental side, as well as lack of intelligence get to me. It was funny because he was kind of hypocritical by telling me that I was one of the ones that taught him that it’s best to go to the source when you have a problem with someone instead of others yet he was telling me how he’s always had a volatile relationship with one of his SILs and shit like that.

When he visited me in Citrus Heights in 2015 he lectured me on being more sociable and how nice it would be to have friends I could count on if I got in a jam or to throw me a party, blah blah blah. Sure enough, as soon as he asked, “What did you actually do for your birthday?” I could sense the judgmental undertone. Even he has admitted that he’s judgmental.

Then, not surprisingly, he turns the conversation on him as usual and goes on about how despite having problems with his family he loves birthday get-togethers, and how nice it is to have people sing happy birthday to him and spoil him with cake and presents and all that. It’s great if he’s into that, but he doesn’t seem to always keep in mind that I’m not him. I didn’t bother to get into it with him because I knew it wouldn’t do me any good but I’m just not a “party girl.” I don’t need anyone to sing to me or to buy me things. Besides, birthdays just aren’t all that exciting at this age and I don’t have the kind of family he has. Maybe if I had a mother like his things would be different. Even his siblings are nothing like mine were.

It’s just kind of funny that he’s always prided himself on being unique yet he expects people to be just like him and he just doesn’t understand why they aren’t. I’m not saying he actually made any derogatory comments against my lifestyle and preferences or that he made any demands but the suggestion was there. Any idiot could pick up on that.

He’s just a very selfish individual. I told him I was battling health issues on my birthday and he didn’t even ask what they were or at least tell me that he hopes I feel better. It’s all about him and again, I love him but there’s only so much I can take of him.

The honker was on his cleaning frenzy again yesterday. He parked his truck in Irma’s driveway and hosed down lawn furniture, one of his lanais, his driveway, garbage bin, window screens, etc. He’s definitely obsessed with cleaning.

There was some hammering and sawing too, even if his saw wasn’t nearly as loud as the guy across the street from us at the old place. I’m not sure what the hell he was building. It almost looked like a small crate or something. Then there was the tree trimming.

I just dread the return of the motorcycle which should be any time now. I’m sure he’ll make up for lost time too and drive me crazy with it a few times a week instead of every week to 10 days like last year. I wonder if he’ll go anywhere for Christmas or have those people from Texas visit.