First, it was baby formula and now it’s Adderall they’re short on. I dread the day it ends up being the levo because I have every reason to believe that consistency is everything when it comes to keeping my anxiety at a minimum. Still working on trying to find my “normal” without driving my TSH back up into the double digits. I just don’t think it’s going to be the 3 I’d like but more like the 5 or 6. Hopefully, I’ll find that balance without side effects or hypo symptoms. Especially now that I cleared up a huge misunderstanding with Galileo.

I don’t know if it’s my fault for not telling them, or if I did and they forgot. But either way, it now makes sense why they were so worried about me dropping my dose, saying it could be “dangerous.” My TSH was a 6 the last time I went for a blood draw and I reminded them that was after about a week of cutting my waiting time in half. Plus, I threw in an extra 75.

To further clarify what was going on with me, I backtracked the last couple of years and explained to them how I was anxious at the beginning of 2021, skipping doses regularly, and not realizing that was making me worse. I then told them that after I began taking the 75s consistently, I did OK for a handful of months until my dose was tweaked again late that year. After I began the slow titration of the dose in early 2022, I did OK again for five months until I got to six weeks of all 88s. Knowing that six 88s a week wouldn’t be enough of a cutback to stop me from getting hot and having sleep issues, I requested to switch out another 88. After they thanked me for the info and said it makes it more helpful in understanding my situation, they agreed to cut me back to two 75s a week. They had thought the 6 TSH was with consistent waiting time between doses and food/drink.

Tom mentioned that bad times go in cycles and I think he may be onto something. After I thought about it, I realized that I do have these up, down, and mixed cycles. Here are the cycles of my adult life that span 6-8 years and how they were for me overall. The pattern flows like the Missouri Gateway Arch.

1985-1992 – bad

1992-1999 – mixed, mostly good

1999-2007 – good (if you get jail and losing the house out of the pic)

2007-2014 – mixed, mostly bad

2014-now – bad (although the last year and a half has been a little better)

Slept OK but got up after 6 hours which wasn’t enough so I went down for a nap. I dreamed we moved into a big old house we bought as is that was choc full of stuff. Why do we always move into big old houses? LOL, it was weird because there was a kitchen sink that was not only huge but sunken into the middle of the kitchen floor like a large tub or jacuzzi. I was going to climb down these Styrofoam steps to get the silverware I dropped into it but then Tom came into the room. Not having good lighting anyway, I decided to open a shade. There were two large windows opposite the counter. There was stuff everywhere and not an inch of counter space in the huge kitchen that wasn’t cluttered with stuff left by the previous owners. There were also stacks of things against the exterior wall.

I reached for one of the shades and the entire thing broke off and fell to the floor. Looking out the window, I was surprised to see a little stream running a few feet away. On the other side of it, about 20 feet from the house, was our shed. We were in a wooded area, but the climate didn’t seem cold. We had fans running unless it was just summertime but that’s not the feeling the dream gave me. When I happily commented on the stream, Tom smiled and said, “So we have a water view.”

As Tom was doing something, I realized that hiding underneath a large quilt were a few odd-looking trays with mice. The trays were lined with wood shavings. There were no walls to the “cages.” They were stashed between other things. I said to Tom, “This explains why I’ve been complaining the place smells musty.”

I pointed out that it was amazing the mice were alive and that it was mean for the previous owners to try to hide them. As defensive of others as always, he said that they at least told us we were buying the place “as is.” So there were a few mice, including a newborn pinky, a hamster, and this weird-looking thing that sort of resembled a miniature swan. I picked up a nearby fork and put the handle by its mouth to see how it would react, not knowing if it was aggressive. It didn’t do much of anything but gently put its mouth on the fork handle.

Then everything went dead. Alexa cut out first, then the electricity. Tom went to investigate and I thought of how we needed to get new window blinds or shades.

We requested a refund for the bowling game. I didn’t like it because I found it a bit complex and too cluttered in a way that made the app confusing in general. Also, I’m the worst bowler I know yet you always throw it perfectly with this app, never guttering. How realistic is that?

In watching a stalker documentary, it’s really quite pathetic, and not just for obvious reasons. They listed every horrible offense they committed and they’re definitely offenses that come to mind when I think of stalking. The part that pissed me off is that it took so many offenses before they were made to pay the consequences, and not a single one of them was ever committed by me. Yet I get called a stalker and thrown in jail after one bottle toss and a few harmless pieces of mail?