I can already say it’s not a happy birthday for me at all even though I’ve only been 57 for a few hours. I’m going from hot to cold, feeling depressed, and I can just imagine what anxiety is going to come next. I’m still asking myself the same damn question I’ve been asking myself for years… How much is on the meds versus menopause? And what the fuck can I do about it?

Tom is very supportive as always and I honestly don’t know what I would do without the guy. I think I would have cracked up almost a decade ago when this shit first started.

I started off kinda glum, and as I was proofreading parts of 2005, I came across the day we got Tinkerbell on November 13th of that year and that pretty much pushed me over the edge and into a round of tears. I miss those days, despite how cold they were. I miss Tinkerbell and all the winning I did.

I keep going from hot to cold, the brain fog is bad, I’m having trouble concentrating, and I’m bawling my eyes out as if my life is falling apart at the seams when it’s not. So, yeah, I think it’s finally time to seek out a new GYN and talk Estrogen. It kind of makes me wonder why no one in California suggested it.

Tom says he’s always heard that women get healthier and feel better in their 60s, but somehow I doubt there’s a magic number waiting for me. I do wish I was 65 today, though, instead of 57 because then we would be the same age and I would have Medicare. Plus, I could collect retirement and add to our income. I may do that in five years, though.

I had noticeable enough anxiety yesterday to mark it on my calendar, but it wasn’t as bad as the day before. Also, I did sleep better the last couple of times. I’m back to taking my medication as I normally do and doing other forms of self-help like meditation. I think that the fact that I haven’t eaten as healthily lately is also part of why I’m not feeling as good. Too much processed stuff. So I loaded up on fruits, veggies and nuts, and things that promote serotonin levels for our next home delivery.

I’m almost done watching the latest Casey Anthony interview and I’m like, why is she doing this now? She was acquitted so what more does she want? I’m guessing money is motivating her. Or maybe she just likes this twisted kind of attention.

She claims her father and brother molested her and that she was brainwashed by her father to do whatever he told her to do. He supposedly brought the child’s body to her after she died and she was brainwashed into believing she would be okay.

The tears she cried seemed genuinely real but come on! Who does she think she’s kidding? Maybe those were tears of guilt or for herself on account of what her actions have led her life to be, but I otherwise truly believe she’s guilty as fuck. Other people are victims of sexual abuse, assuming she really was, and they don’t all do this shit. If she didn’t intentionally kill the kid, then it was definitely an accident of some kind. She totally knows what happened. The kid wasn’t reported for 31 days, and then there was the partying she did right after the death, and the Bella Vita tattoo. And what about the journal that was conveniently left out with cryptic lines like, “Still no regrets, just a little worried.”

Yes, I know we all handle grief differently. But then there are just some things you simply do not do. The only thing I can’t say is whether or not she intentionally killed the kid or if it was an accident. As the coroner said, however, no child should have duct tape over its face so that should tell any idiot something right there. Plus, there were questionable Google searches on suffocation and chloroform.

She was way too calm and emotionally detached during police interviews. She was cordial and very polite. In this interview, however, she’s pompous, belligerent and arrogant sounding. The only things she has going for her are that she’s attractive and she does seem a bit intelligent. What others thought seemed to mean the world to her 14 years ago, but now she doesn’t give a shit what others think.

She also claims she was raped by an unknown guy and that’s how she had Caylee and I’m like wait a minute…you get raped, you don’t know who the father is, and you’re going to keep it? Who the hell wouldn’t abort in that case or at least give it up for adoption? Hell, even her mother acted like she was guilty. Once I learned that her father was a former cop I wondered if he had a hand in her getting acquitted.

My guess is that the father isn’t involved because as a former pig, you would know not to dump the body just 20 feet from the road and so close to home. You would do a better job of hiding it. I think Casey simply didn’t want to be a mother anymore, and she killed and dumped the kid on her own.

I got another one of those Uneeda dolls from CVS that they have at this time of year. They’re so adorably cute. They also take up very little room as big as they are because they usually stand against the wall somewhere. This is another 27-inch doll with bright blonde hair and blue eyes. Her hair contrasts nicely against her pink leopard long-sleeve top. She wears off-black tights with little white polka dots and has pink shoes.

Fucking blacks and their hypocrisy. These people are nothing but hateful reverse-discriminative bigots. They claim to be discriminated against regularly and therefore should know better if that is really true and now they’re promoting a rise in antisemitism throughout the country. I still don’t understand for the life of me why so many people support them any more than I understand why they support Muslims.