The staff is now making his rounds with his flashlight. Phil came in here, then continued on further down the hall. He hasn’t come back up yet.

Oh, he just did, so now I gotta get across undetected. Wish me luck. Luckily this new patient woke up to go talk to the nurse. I can’t remember his name but I showed him the matches in my robe pocket and we went to his room which is on the end and had a cigarette. He told me to wake him up later and this will work out perfectly now that I’ve got someone to do this with.

Later...

Man oh man was that a close call! Phil gave me some hot water to make a cup of tea, then I went to wake up that guy. The guy said that Phil questioned him about the smoke. The second time we smoked, the guy ditched it right before Phil came. I don’t know what Phil said to the guy cuz I ran into my room, but he never said a word to me. He’s gonna let me know when the nurse returns from wherever the hell she is to give me my last shot of Alupent, then I’m gonna try to sleep.

I hope tomorrow night won’t be hard for us to sneak a smoke. The staff may be keeping a very close eye on us. Now Phil’s sitting in a chair at the end of the hall where he can see straight down the whole hall. I also hear him having a long serious talk with someone, but I don’t know what he’s saying.

Later...

Phil was talking to some other staff whose name I forgot as usual. Even though I have a very good memory, there are too many people to keep track of. Phil was not talking about the smoking to the other guy. They were discussing classes. 3rd shift is really cool compared to a lot of 1st and 2nd shift staff. Maybe that’s cuz 3rd shift doesn’t really have to deal with us like 1st and 2nd shifts do. Phil’s nice. I can see myself wanting him if I was straight due to his qualities. No matter where I met him if I was straight, I’d never get him any more than I’d ever get the women I really want.

Later...

My day was off to a very shitty start here. Yesterday I was told you could sleep as late as you want on weekends. Yeah, right. First, there’s the 8:00 med call. Then there was this shrink running around from room to room at 9:00, or even earlier. I would’ve been woken up anyway, and Lindsay was moving about too, doing this and that.

When they first paged meds, I never heard it. Obviously, I was in a dead sleep and was lying on my good ear. I finally got up at 9:00 and walked up to the nurses’ station and waited for my meds. I was wheezing my ass off and one nurse snaps at me and says snottily to back away from the nurses’ station, she’s on the phone and it’s very private. I told her all she had to do was ask me nicely and not be rude about it. She told me to go ask Pat for my meds and Pat’s always been nice to me before. I expected her least of all to flip out on me. The other nurse did give me my Theodur and my Azmacort but any nurse should know that those are prevention drugs. You don’t take those as needed or whenever the hell you want to. The Alupent is as-needed for the wheezing. Pat was talking to Jeanie, a patient, but being desperate cuz I was pretty wheezed out, I interrupted her for it. The other nurse also told me to do so as an asthma attack’s more important to deal with before you chat with someone. I mean, it was right across the hall. I’d get someone their Alupent first, then go back and resume my conversation. Jeanie would’ve fully understood, too. Instead, Pat had to be a hostile bitch and tell me to wait and not to interrupt her so rudely. After several frustrating minutes, she gave me my Alupent. And cuz I say what I gotta say and don’t kiss ass and was sick of being kind, honest and obeying and being shit on, I did go off verbally and cuss her out. I don’t rudely butt into conversations unless it’s urgent, nor was I rude, yelling or swearing at these people to begin with. I was so pissed off.

Also, yesterday when Dad and Tammy brought me my clothes, Debbie went through them. They automatically need to search for sharps and crap like that but I asked that she check my clothes. I wanted her to tell me right then and there if anything was inappropriate so Dad could take them back. I also told Debbie I was taking no contradictions. I told her to tell other staff that anything I wear was approved by her and no other staff was suddenly gonna turn around and tell me otherwise. Yet after Pat gave me my Alupent she told me to leave the nurses’ station as I was dressed inappropriately, according to her.

How is a pair of shorts and a long T-shirt inappropriate?

I told her, “It’s inappropriate cuz I told you something you didn’t agree with or want to hear. If all was well between us, it’d be fine.”

I swear at times some of the staff get on such a power and authority trip that really goes to their heads! The staff here can really provoke and instigate patients who are not one bit out of line.

I talked to other staff about her first, figuring Pat could never handle me talking to her and would just keep flipping out. Finally, I said that’s tough and too damn bad for her if she freaks out and asked for a talk with her. Very kindly she said yes and I told her to let me know when she’s free. At noon she told me 1:00. At 1:00 she left the building but said she’d be back in an hour, but we never spoke then either. There’s one thing I can surely say, though. She and that other nurse were so friendly from then on after. It didn’t seem phony either. They really truly did seem sorry for being rude and needlessly jumping down my throat.

After I got that ceramic tile trivet thing and made 3 pairs of earrings with Lydia, they were so complimentary toward me. You’ve really got to hound the staff here to get any attention and they’d rather be friendly (which is still nice) after an argument, rather than deal with trying to communicate and better understand the patients. Lindsay and other patients told me this from day one.

Lindsay’s a really good person but has gone off just as I have. However, when I got back in the room and bitched, Lindsay told me to stop bitching or she’d slam my head into the wall. After being threatened by so many people, I snapped. I told her I was ready to fight her anytime she was ready, but she backed down, saying it was stupid to fight, so I dropped it.

It’s the 9:30 cigarette break so I’ll be back.

Current Location: Connecticut