Well, tomorrow will be the last day to get up so early. I think you can sleep later on weekends.

Twice I zipped across the hall to Bill’s room to sneak a smoke with him. It sure makes me feel like a kid again having to sneak around. Now, I really should try to sleep but I really want to go home, pack and move out to a new, quieter, bigger and better apartment, and see Dad.

Later...

I’m psyched! Tammy called and we discussed the things I want her to bring up. Then, she went on to say Daddy’s been delayed and may not be able to see me until next week. I was all bummed out ready to cry when suddenly, I heard the other phone be picked up and he goes, “Jodi Lin!”

I’m gonna see him at 6:00-7:00 tonight during visiting hours cuz it’s the weekend.

The only bummer is I am so outrageously bloated and my shorts are skin-tight. They were slightly loose when I arrived here. I’ve gained 5 pounds since coming here. I’m 102 pounds.

Later...

I’m so bored and frustrated right now. I’m on step 2 and I want a staff member to take me out for a walk, but they’re always too busy. There are 5 steps here, but whatever they’re worth, I don’t know. There’s an observation period which everyone’s automatically on for their first 24 hours here. Then there are steps 1-4. Groups are getting pretty frustrating here and I feel there’s not enough one-to-one attention. I don’t mind discussing my issues with other patients and them telling me their problems. They all are very accepting of me. We can relate to one another with certain feelings and emotions. But there are so many groups and so many different staff members that I’m getting sick of going over and over my issues with so many people. I want to talk to just one staff more often. They’re all always so busy and you can’t talk to them alone and in private. There are always other staff or patients around. Also, the staff is always getting interrupted to go run off and do something else. They’ve always got to jump up and deal with someone else or take a phone call. Or someone else comes up and says something or asks a question and they get into a conversation that goes on and on forever.

I want to hurry up and find a new apartment and move!

Later...

I saw Dad and we had a great talk! Tammy did come up with him, too. They brought me some of my clothes, a few new T-shirts, a real nice neon-colored pair of shorts, a new barrette, some paintings, my sneakers, ballet slippers, lotion, cassettes, a teddy bear, lots of dimes for phone calls, deodorant, toothpaste, a huge tootsie roll, cigarettes, a few bucks and my next journal. Quite a bit of stuff!

They saw Bob and I do the whooshing sound and they met a few staff and other patients. I told them how 1st shift has a hard time waking me up and how 3rd can’t get me to bed.

When Tammy said it wouldn’t be appropriate to bring my edits here cuz they’re crazy, I told her you’re supposed to be crazy here with crazy stuff. It IS a psych ward. They brought me up some cassettes of Gloria’s and one of Linda’s and my Walkman. They said Walkmans aren’t allowed cuz of the headphones so Rich was nice enough to let me use his little box. I’m listening to the Let It Loose cassette.

Dad’s gonna come back and visit Sunday, but while we were here together we discussed several things. We talked basically about me moving.

Later...

Lindsay’s writing in her journal and making a list of things she needs her boyfriend to bring.

I just called Mom and told her all about my visit with Dad. And Tammy, of course.

Bertie, Lindsay, Kathy, Rich and Scott were all calling me Gloria. I told them not to call me Gloria and that I don’t want to be her, I want to be WITH her. We were all talking about people we liked and laughing and joking about this and that.

Then Lindsay, who had a sore foot, gave me this plastic glove with water in it. It was ice that melted. There’s this wooden box by the nurse’s station for patients’ comments and suggestions. Well, that’s where I put the glove. That nice English lady, Lydia, found it.

I was telling the staff the perfect idea I had in mind to make their job easier. These halls are perfect for roller-skating. So, if they had to bring something all the way down the opposite end of the hall, I could just skate it down.

When Dad and Tammy were here I mentioned Andy working at Denny’s and how he enjoys living in the nicer apartments Arizona usually has and for so much cheaper. I told him how he grew up living near Diane and her daughter Donna and they moved there and then helped Andy settle out there. Also how Andy said he could easily get me in his complex and how he can go swimming all the time and has a whirlpool by the pool. He’s sent pictures of his place so I know how modern it is. He’s got a dishwasher, built-in microwave and, of course, central air which is pretty standard there. Most luxury-type apartments are standard in Arizona. Here, you must either be able to afford them or do without.

Andy, Fran and maybe Nervous and Bob are no doubt wondering where the fuck I’ve been. I asked Tammy to call Andy and let him know what’s up with me. I told her to leave a message if he doesn’t answer. I don’t think Bob or Nervous are able to afford to call me but Fran’s probably been trying like crazy. Kim doesn’t give a shit, but I wonder if Jessie or Ann Marie has tried? The tape is probably all filled up.

I miss my music and Shadow.

Any minute now, they’ll be announcing the final cigarette break of the night. Since Bill left today, who’s gonna smoke with me? Maybe I’ll go to Bertie’s room or Rich and Scott’s room cuz I already mentioned it to them. I still have the matches, thank God.

I’ll write more later. Now, I’m gonna go check out the painting thing they brought me to do. It’s a cat on black velvet.

There’s something else I gotta go check out, too.

Later...

The other thing they brought up is a pain in the ass, a waste of time and I have no patience for it. It’s this clay you mold into this plastic thing with a stick in the middle to make beads. Then, after it hardens, you paint them. It’s a messy, sloppy, complicated, frustrating waste of time. The paint by number thing is fine with me.

I forgot to ask Tammy what I’ve gotten for mail and also for her to bring me any important mail. She hasn’t said anything so I guess all I’ve gotten is junk mail.

I think Bertie, Scott and Rich are asleep, so how am I gonna smoke a cigarette? Go into a vacant room? The bathroom that everyone uses is too close to the nurse’s station. I guess I’ll wait till after they’ve done their room checks, then zip across to the vacant room across the hall.

Some of these rules here are so stupid and ridiculous. Some things around here irk you more than they help you and we’re made to feel like little kids.