I’m actually outside right now in my bikini and yes, it is hot! It’s 78º which isn’t much for Arizona, but after sitting out in the sun long enough it does get hot.

And now I’m back inside now and I got a little teeny bit of color. Not much, though, since it is January. I was laughing my ass off out there knowing that I just spoke to Tammy and Kim who have over 2’ of snow and who are freezing. When I spoke to Tammy yesterday it was 82º here and below 0º there. That’s nearly a 100º difference! Today I called Kim, then called Tammy 3-way. Everything’s shut down there. They even evacuated the coastal areas. The airport is shut down, so if Kim doesn’t leave tomorrow, she’ll leave Wednesday.

I told Tammy yesterday that I had a bad vibe for January 22nd. I said I had no clue as to if it involved one or more family members or if it was physical, emotional or financial. I only know that January 22nd is not gonna be a good day.

Jenny’s phone certificate came today, and I’ll mail that and her letter out tomorrow, so she’ll probably get it Friday. This still feels a bit awkward. A part of me doesn’t care. I mean, what’s the point? Also, I still feel there’s a great part of both her and Larry that feels she never did a damn thing wrong to me and that I owe her and that I had to prove myself to her. Fuck that shit. Neither of us owes the other a thing, but she’ll have to prove to me that she’s worthy enough to talk to here and there over the phone.

It may also be this - a lot of people love to get mail, so maybe she feels that opening doors here will get her regular mail and drawings, too. Maybe. Maybe not. And maybe I’ll write to her, but maybe I won’t.

I wonder what happened to Sarah or if I’ll ever hear from her again.

I had sex with Tom yesterday which was enjoyable, but if you think my being 30 and the year being 1996 has changed him, think again. He’s still up to the same old shit. He says it’s unlikely I’ll be pregnant in 30 days, but that it’s more likely in 60-90. I won’t be pregnant at any such time, but how does he figure this?

Lately, I absolutely can’t see us ever going to a doctor any more than I can see myself pregnant. I believe that’s cuz we both won’t want to go. He won’t cuz he doesn’t want a kid and I won’t cuz I know I couldn’t force him into fatherhood.

Before he went down on me yesterday, he spent a good 10-15 minutes in the bathroom. Then a few hours later he was in there about 15 minutes after we screwed. I’m sure he relieved himself one of those times.

He said something pretty funny yesterday while we were watching a movie where this woman practically rapes this guy. The guy in the movie said he got hard cuz it was an involuntary reflex thing. Tom was saying that it’s common for women to be aroused during a rape.

Give me a break! How could they feel anything but fear and pain? Tom said getting aroused and getting off is a normal thing that humans do. Well, I guess he’s only half normal since he only does the getting aroused part and it’s with someone who isn’t trying to rape him.