Well, I have decided what I’m gonna do with my cat pictures from the calendar when it’s done. I’m gonna decorate my journal covers with them.

Kim finally left a message. She’s been really busy. What else is new?

Tom’s still sick, but is getting better. Once he’s well, we’ll have sex for 3-4 days in a row till the next problem with one of us comes up which will be within a week. Tom couldn’t have been sick at a better time, though. I know there’s no good time to be sick and feel miserable, but my sex drive’s been pretty low.

Tom told me his New Year’s resolution was to make me all the things he promised he’d make me. I want to believe in his sincerity, but only time will tell. I hope he remembers that one of the things he promised to make with me was a baby and put his actions where his mouth is on that one, but I don’t know. I still can’t believe he wrote that agreement of ours in the journal. I really thought he’d argue it, thinking to himself, “If she decides to divorce me, she could use this against me and sue for psychological abuse.”

I don’t think so! I’d live in the courthouse if I were to try to sue all those that put me on about this and that and who played with or abused my mind.

He’s gotta know something I don’t. Have a plan or some kind of trick up his sleeve, but we’ll just have to see.

I’m still feeling good mentally, but I hope it’s for real that I have good feelings and not just a suggestive feeling cuz I want to feel happy, positive and hopeful. Only time will tell.

No package or envelope or whatever the hell my parents are sending their new flag catalogs in. Maybe today or tomorrow, but probably today.

A few pages back I said I’d discuss my chat with Andy later. What did we discuss? I don’t remember us discussing anything important. Right now Michelle and he are out stealing Stevie’s garbage. I hope he doesn’t get caught. He said he had to urge to finally call her, but she’s changed her number. Well, of course. Famous people are always changing their numbers and Andy said that even Barbara said she’s always changing it. Andy’s confident he’ll get her new number from her trash. Why is a famous person stupid enough to leave it where the public can get it? I’d hire someone I trusted to bring it to the dump or burn or shred up personal info.

We also spoke to Karson and Quinn too, and that’s about it for now.

Below is the letter I’m sending Jenny.

Dear Jenny,

My brother has told me that you might be interested in resuming our friendship. I’m sorry for the problems we’ve had in the past and am sure that a lot has changed with both of us since then. I have been through more changes than I ever thought I could or would go through, but so as not to overwhelm you with too much, I’ll just give you a quick rundown of my life. As you know I’m very happily married which I certainly didn’t think was in the cards for me. I’m very blessed and lucky to be with this man who totally lets me be myself. Tom has given me quite a bit (including a funny last name). He’s 38, works at a bank and his main thing is computers. When we first met I asked him to just show me how to turn the computer on so I could type and print out letters. Hundreds of things later, I’m addicted for life to computers. Sorry I don’t bother with paragraphs, though. Phoenix is absolutely beautiful! I love it and do not miss the cold and the snow one bit. I do love to tease those I know that are still there about it, though. I didn’t think I’d ever get lucky enough to get out here for a while there. I came here 6/9/1992. I’ve been into lots of new things since being out here and still love music and art. This may shock you, but I’ve gone from being a lousy singer to a fairly decent one, so maybe someday Tom and I can get the equipment that’ll allow us to make a CD here at home and maybe distribute it through the computer internet. As you also probably know, I’ve been put into stereo and can now hear out of 2 ears. It’s not anywhere near as good as the other ear, but it’s enough to make a difference and listening to music with headphones is pretty neat. A lot has changed, as I said, and sometimes I honestly believe that the only things left that are the same are my shortness, my long hair and my psychotic laugh. I’m still talkative and a bit hyper at times, but that’s just my nature. We started a computer business (Mystery Computer Enterprises) but it’s doing lousy so far, so hopefully we can pick up and improve on that. Meanwhile, there’s always plenty of stuff we do. Remember how I bought my first journal in the Enfield mall with you in 1987? Well, I’m now on my 105th journal, so the habit has stuck with me. It’s important for me to tell you not to feel pressured or obligated to call or write to me. Also, if you do call, don’t be too shocked if you have a hard time reaching me at times as I’m in and out and have a weird schedule. You can call at any hour and if we’re asleep, our voice messaging service will pick up our calls and not disturb us. I have a long-time friend here, also from the east, who works 2nd shift and calls at 3 AM at times. Larry said you thought I’d have your number, but I haven’t used it in quite a while, so I don’t have it. However, I don’t want you to feel pressured or obligated to give me your number if you don’t want to. Lastly, I’d like you to know that if you do call, we can talk about whatever you want to and we can not talk about whatever you don’t want to. Sorry to hear your mother’s not in good health. I hope she gets better and that you and the rest of your family are OK. I sure do have a lot of things I wonder about you. I wonder what you’ve been up to over these last 9 years and what’s going on with you in the present. In case you haven’t gotten my number from Larry, I’ll enclose it for you. Meanwhile, I hope you had a happy birthday and a Merry Christmas!

Jodi Lin

Later...

Tom’s up now, but not feeling too good still.

If Larry or Jenny thinks Jenny’s letter is too much, that’s their problem. I don’t know why I still feel not overly enthusiastic about this, but it seems to mean a lot to her and Larry, the certificate’s bought, so we’ll see. I don’t know why, since I’ve been over shit that’s gone down between Jenny and I for many years, but a part of me hopes she’ll decide not to call. I try to remind myself that people do change and that just cuz she came between Larry and I and he came between Jenny and I in the past doesn’t mean they’ll do it again. Besides, I’ll just dump them if they do.

Later...

What a crab! I know Tom really does feel miserable, but must he take it out on me as he has this morning and yesterday morning? I told him he better stop or else I’m not gonna want to help him as I have been. I hope he gets better soon.

I spoke to Tammy who’s really pissed off about the snow. She’s got 2½ feet of it. Ha, ha! They’re getting more snow, too. Hee hee! And it’s 10º and will be below 0º at night. Ho-ho! She was like - goodbye, Jodi - when I told her how our weather is. Late night and early morning suck, though.

She says they only got one package, and so what that Ma’s sending her some of her old clothes. She isn’t getting any catalogs or flags, either. I really think she’s showered me with gifts cuz she knows I can’t have a kid.

I may have forgotten to mention meeting Gloria who lives behind us. She and her retired husband have been here for over 40 years. She says most of the houses out back there are old widows. No wonder it’s so quiet back there, thankfully. They too, can’t stand the two collies two yards down and their non-stop barking, but they’ve got it worse being on that alley. Those dogs are being so neglected, though, and it’s so cruel. Like the M’s dog and all other dogs here, they’re out 24/7. In 40º weather, in 115º weather, and T-storms.

So, Gloria mentioned calling this number for barking dogs and cruelty, but who knows if she really will? She told me when we met when we had the tag sale what she told me today. She wants to shoot them even though she has no gun. Hopefully, someone will, but wait till the dog(s) move in next door. Then it’ll be a million times worse, not to mention their kid’s noise. Anyway, I hope she’s not a talker and that she calls. Someone’s got to take care of these dogs and I know Tom wouldn’t. He’s very anti-complaining or suing. If a doctor fucked him up in any wrong way, he’d never sue or report it. If a doctor fucked me up in any wrong way, he’d probably try talking me out of it saying it wouldn’t change anything. I would hope it’d protect others from the same shit.