Yup, next door had a party yesterday. It wasn’t the worst party, but it’s not something I enjoyed either. There wasn’t any ball-playing, but they barbecued, and for about 3 hours I had to sit and listen to their music. Tom considered it a reasonable volume and I considered it almost a reasonable volume. He’s probably right when he says I’d have slept through the whole thing and their company too, but I know this is when they’re gonna lose it. I figured they would sooner or later, but I’ll bet they’re gonna use Tom’s hammering as the perfect excuse to blast off at least twice a day. Tom says it was only cuz it was a holiday, but I doubt this. He also says that if they wanted to do it out of spite, they’d have never turned it down the time they did and that it’s just a matter of if they remember to turn it down. Yeah, kids do tend to have a very short-term memory. He says it’s still 50/50 as to what’s gonna happen with them in a week or two or a month. Well, I know the answer to that, but Tom says he’ll take care of whatever he has to. Good, cuz if he doesn’t, I will, but I do know I can trust him to do so.

He did something weird this morning that he’s never done that I know of before (the dude next door). He left at around 8:30 and I could hear some bass, but it was reasonable and when he came back I never heard him. The only way I knew he was back was cuz I went to stick my mail out. I’d assume that he’s gonna leave again for work any time now, so we’ll see. For the most part, though, it’s been like the garage door or a big airplane. I hear them when I’m up, but they don’t wake me up. That’s also how it usually is with Tom’s snoring.

I just hope to hell they don’t get any louder and that for the most part, I don’t know when they’re home or not, but I know that’s wishful thinking. God’s not gonna let me go so long in peace. It’s time now. It’s time for God to sic the noise on me and who knows how many times it’ll be so loud that I get woken up?

A part of me wishes they’d move. I don’t want them to cuz they’re not home most of the time and I do want them to cuz of the bass. Hell, I’d take kids and dogs over that bass, cuz the fan can drown them out and they can’t wake me up. Well, I’m sure they will move soon enough. Especially if they’re renting. Also, there’s something about that house that keeps it turning over. This is family number 3 to be there since we got here, so I’m sure we’ve got at least 5 more to go through before we’re out of here.

I’m sure most of us have lots of questions about the future we’d like answered for our peace of mind. Or to prevent or deal with a future bad thing in a better way, but if there are only two things I could ask right now it’d be to know the date of the day we do move and when I’ll get pregnant if I ever do. Will we really move before the turn of the century? Will we really have a kid in 1997? Of course, I could go on and on from there. Will I ever quit smoking? Will I have the baby by C-section if I do have one? Will I ever get on a schedule and if we have a kid, will I ever sleep a full 8 hours again and how often will I be able to do so? Will I really be a good mom and be able to handle it? Will a child strain our marriage?

God, we better be compensated with something good to come! Like I said, we’ve paid our dues. If I’m not gonna be able to sleep and if I’m gonna have to listen to noise, can’t it be my own child’s? I’m tired of having to not sleep for others. I’m tired of listening to other people’s noise.

I ended up being up 21 hours yesterday and didn’t fall asleep till around 8:30, cuz the freeloaders had me so damn nervous. I envy Andy since he has no driveway right outside his bedroom window. He has other noise to deal with, though. He said he hears a baby across the street crying, there are barking dogs there too, and street noise, since he lives on the corner of a main drag.

What am I gonna do? Tom says I have nothing to worry about, but I know better. You think God’s gonna allow them to keep the music down and that they’re not gonna say, what the fuck? I don’t think so. Besides, even if God and them did keep their music down, there’d be something else.

If God has any fairness at all in him, he’d let us have a kid. We’ve been through enough and we deserve it. The problem is that God doesn’t give to those who try and to those who earn and deserve things. It’s just the opposite. If he does reward or compensate deserving people, it’s usually with something nice, but not necessarily something they really, really want. I wish Nervous or Tom’s dad could go to God and say, “Give them a break! Have things be stable and peaceful around their house and keep them financially OK and just let them have the kid they want and deserve,” but again, it doesn’t work that way. I haven’t prayed to God in ages, either, cuz I know that’d make things worse. I’m only saying this out of past experience, too.

Later...

As far as I know, the guy next door is still there - nope - wait a minute - yeah! Thank you, thank you, thank you, God! The guy next door just left very, very very quietly!

Tom says he thinks she doesn’t work, but I think she’s got to or else I’d think I’d hear her or her kid or music coming from the house. Also, Mike did say, when we met, that they needed a babysitter. I doubt she could hear my music if she was there, cuz Tom and I tested the other one up full blast and even though it was softer, he was sure they couldn’t hear it. So, even if this one’s louder, it won’t be louder than theirs, it’s not outdoors and I’m gonna go test it right now, anyway, no matter what.

Later...

I love it! The new stereo is great. I can hear my softest stuff really well. I hope no one was over there to hear it, but if they were, tough shit.

I’m trying to decide whether or not to do any cleaning since he’s still got work to do around here. I guess I will. There’s no use in letting it build up.

Later...

I’ve got a good update on next door (hopefully), but first I want to copy in the letter I received from my parents and this time, I’ll correct their spelling and punctuation.

Dear Jodi,

All is well with Dad and I. We are coming to the end of our hot summer and looking forward to a busy season at the store. We are also on guard during the hurricane season. We stock up on extra water, candles, batteries, etc. Heidi at 16, Max at 11 and Chicken at 5 are all doing well.

We received a very nice note from Tom’s mom. It’s nice that you help her.

We enjoyed the visit with Tammy, Bill and the girls. They are growing into lovely young ladies. They all swim like fish.

Just got through watching the weather report over Phoenix. Guess you had a lot of hail, lightning and rain. Through the summer we get afternoon storms that sometimes can get quite severe.

Hope Tom is happy with his work.

Now it’s time to answer your letter and clarify my feelings. This will be the only time I will do this. There will be no further discussion either by mail or phone.

I will no longer read by mail or listen by phone to the following from you: weight, hair, singing, your past, babies, sex, the difference between you and Tammy, dancing full or part-time, revenge, psychic powers, able to beat up anyone.

As your mother these are my terms. Remember I said no further discussion, this letter is final. Now the rest is up to you. There are hundreds of subjects to write or talk about. Should you care to phone on a monthly basis, do so with Tom, we would enjoy speaking to him too.
Remember - I do love you
Mom

Then Dad wrote:

Dear Jodi,

Mom’s letter speaks for me too. It’s time to grow up and live the future. Let’s enjoy what’s ahead, not what’s behind.

Love, Dad

Sex? Sex?! What is she - delusional? I never have and never would discuss sex with my parents. Certainly not as an adult. There’s no way in hell I’d feel comfortable doing that. The only people I’ve ever discussed it with are Andy, Kim and Tammy.

I think I know what happened. That fucking sister of mine, who’s got a mouth as big as Mom and Dad’s, told them of our past sex life and she included sex for Tammy. I’ll ask Tammy about it tomorrow, but who knows if she’d admit to discussing it with them if she did. If she says she did, I’m gonna tell her flat out she betrayed me, the trust is gone and so am I. I’m so sick of these lying, exaggerating, controlling, selfish, jealous parents and sister of mine! I swear I’m getting closer and closer to just up and walking away. I’m not gonna associate with someone on their terms and their terms only. Tom suggested that since I can’t be myself or talk about my interests or what’s going on in my life, why not have a relationship on a courtesy level and just send cards for birthdays, anniversaries, etc. I don’t know about that. I’ve had all I can and will take of these people.

When she mentions the “able to beat someone up part,” she’s probably talking about the time I mentioned that in Marty’s letter, but I don’t know. I just don’t know.

If I’ve ever mentioned the “difference between Tammy and I,” it was only a couple of times in reference to my desire to be treated equally to her and Larry.

I don’t know why the dancing’s a big deal, either, cuz it never was “in the past,” but I’m surprised she left out the birds, pig, and the drawing on her little Do Not Discuss list. It’s my guess that she forgot to include the drawing.

I’ve just had it with these be-what-I-want-you-to-be people. I’m sick of all these conditions. And dad tells me it’s time to “grow up?” What have I said that’s so immature? Is it immature to sing, to want a child?

Parents are supposed to be sympathetic to any sterile child of theirs, but we all know how much she hates kids, anyway. Parents are supposed to listen to, enjoy something that makes their kid happy and encourage it. Not demand they shut up about it just cuz they may not like it, not care about it or cuz they’re jealous.