Last night, either a dream or something woke me up at 9:00, just two hours after crashing. I thought I heard/dreamt one big bang of some sort. So, I got up to pee, went out, and asked Tom if he heard anything and he said no. I asked if next door’s been back and he said that he thinks she’s been there, cuz he sees lights on here and there and that the old black guy (not white guy, like I had thought and I think they don’t like whites), picks her up in the mornings and brings her back at night. Yeah, but they come and go quietly. He had said he was pretty sure there was no vehicle there and that if there was music loud enough to wake me up, he’s sure he’d have heard it and he insisted there was no music. He said maybe it was a car door, real soft, but loud enough to filter into a dream of mine.

Well, I just checked this morning and that jeep is there. I think it was him, and Tom covered for him so he wouldn’t have to deal with my reaction. Tom knows that if I catch them waking me up for sure, I’ll go over there and set that dude straight for once and for all. We’ve already established that 9 PM is one of the times he’s come in and Tom always swore he’d tell me if they woke me up and that he has told me when they’ve been loud.

Well, if it was him, he must’ve just got back last night, cuz I haven’t heard any music for several days. He couldn’t have been around since at least last Thursday, cuz I haven’t heard any music. Not even soft music.

I just wish I knew how truthful Tom’s been about next door, cuz I know he’s on their side, no matter what he says, and I know he’ll do whatever it takes to keep me from going over there and letting them have it. And also, the more I think about it, there have been too many “bang dreams.” I’ve had at least 5 of those since they’ve been here, that I can remember of. There was one, though, I did have and after checking, there was no vehicle there.

Well, if they are up to their old shit, they’re gonna get it, cuz no one fucks with my sleep. Also, why would they quiet down for a few months, then go back to the same old shit? Well, I’m gonna be up this morning and tonight around that same time, and if I hear them, not only am I gonna think Tom lied about last night, but I’ll be visiting them. If they want to play music coming and going, fine. They can do that all they want, but it better not be so loud that it can be heard/felt over that fan and wake me up.

I did manage to get back to sleep, though, and thank God, too, cuz that would’ve really fucked things up around here. I wouldn’t have been able to help much with the Christmas presents, much less go over there tomorrow.

I woke up at 103 pounds. Fuck! 

Tom said, “I’ll bet you haven’t seen this number in quite a while,” then he stepped on the scale and it said 200. He said that that was OK, though, cuz it’s the holidays, so it’s to be expected.

I told Tom this morning that I was still bummed that I couldn’t get him anything for Christmas and he didn’t tell me what he wanted. He said that that was not my fault that he couldn’t think of anything and he didn’t get me any material things for Chanukah. True, but I’ll make him up something. I may take a full-size sheet of paper, draw something nice on it, and on it write “Merry Christmas.”

Tom also has a point about why we couldn’t get the presents for our families earlier - we didn’t have the money then.

Yesterday, I got an old Linda CD from the club and another copy of that Madonna one, but that was our fault. We ordered it on the computer too soon after mailing the wrong one back that they sent with a note telling them what I really wanted. So, it’s more than likely going to Andy for his birthday. If not, we’ll sell it at Zia’s.

Tom says yes, he’ll be doing the same job, processing canceled checks. He’s not sure when he’ll be starting or exactly what his hours will be, but it’ll be happening soon. He thinks he’ll have Fridays and Saturdays off and that he’ll be working Sundays from 8 PM-4 AM, then Monday - Thursday from midnight-8 AM. He’ll be getting $9.24 an hour, but it’ll soon go up to $9.68 an hour.

Another reason why I could’ve been wrong about my vibe saying he wouldn’t get the job is cuz I didn’t believe, logically speaking, due to how much he wanted it, that he’d get it. I noticed that a lot of the time I’m wrong on the things I don’t believe will happen, so they creep up on me without warning.

If I believed I could get pregnant, I’d think that now would be the time for God to see to it, due to this schedule that’ll make making appointments easier to get to and the extra money, which always helps with a kid/kids. You can never get enough money when you’ve got a kid. There’s another reason, too, but we don’t know if this is necessarily the case yet.

For about a week, the longest time in quite a while, my schedule was the same. I was getting up at around 1:30 AM. Tom says he thinks it’s time now, where little by little, my body will naturally adapt to a schedule. But getting up at that hour? I asked. He said that once I get into a schedule, I could pick and control the scheduling of when I go to bed and get up. Well, I don’t see it or believe it, but I hope he’s right.

I called Tammy yesterday and told her, sorry I hadn’t been in touch much, but we’ve been busy. I updated her on finding Paula, Tom’s new schedule, and told her about the calendar we’re making for his immediate family. Then, right away, it was all about the sickness/problems going on in that household. Now, once again, I know most of the problems she says that are going on are true and I believe she and her family is cursed, but yet she bitches to me about the same old shit? Oh, please! It’s nothing but the same old shit over and over again with her. I’m sure, though, that that’s perfectly fine with Mom and Dad. That’s their favorite daughter, remember?

Later...

Just heard next door leave without one note of music, so that’s cool.

I finished the nighttime cactus scene in the living room. I drew up a floral vine for Tom that said: Merry Christmas, I Love You. The flowers/leaves shape the letters.