Once again, I’m as sterile as I always knew I’d be. For the last two days, I’ve felt pre-cramps and you know you can’t have one without the other. Meaning, pre-cramps and periods go hand in hand. It’d be like trying to have feet without legs. The good side to having those inevitable monthly rages is that in 8 days I’ll get some tit relief. They’ve been very sore.

Once again, Tom’s in denial, telling me we can never know when I ovulate, everything’s fine and we’ll have a kid someday. Is he that blind to reality, or does he really just not want to deal with it?

Now that God’s graduated me to the final step after so long, it’s time for me to start seriously thinking about what to do with my life. It’s obvious I don’t have a destiny, cuz while God kept a child from me, he hasn’t led me into anything else. I have no idea what he wants me to do or what I’m supposed to do. Guess I’m still meant to do nothing and to just keep things the way they are, cuz I still don’t want to settle, either. Most people, like Tom and Andy, may have no choice, but if staying home means not doing something my heart isn’t into, then I’m sure that’s what I’ll always do.

I did a little bit of ‘roof picking’ from the yard and some more proofreading. I only have about 8 left to go.

It’s actually kind of hot out there today.

I think the freeloaders haven’t been home today or yesterday. Someone’s been there daily, cuz I see lights on, but it seems that for the last few weeks, the asshole’s been gone Monday - Wednesday. If so, I hope this continues. They’ve really been great since around Labor Day.

I cleaned like hell yesterday, so for now, I think I’ll go read and do some word puzzles.

Later...

Yup, the time has surely come to be compensated for those wonderful few days and to be slapped back into reality. I’m so mad right now! All I want to do is sit here and bash God right now. I hate him sooo much! In fact, I’m so mad right now, that I can’t even concentrate.

Later...

Tom managed to cheer me up, even though we still believe differently about a kid in our lives and about God.

Tom also took the blinds down from outside the living room window. Then he fixed its inner blinds which were half off the rod. Afterward, I put tinfoil in the window. So now all the windows are foiled, except for the back room.

I also tried out a game I downloaded from AOL, but it sucked. Too much like a math project.