Couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d write. The more I think about Andy, the more irked I get. I appreciate the coffee coupons he took the time to clip and bring over to me, but he has become so fucking selfish (in a different kind of way than he was in Springfield)! I just never thought he’d become such a pest! He comes over here on a weekend which he knows I don’t prefer (although I should’ve said something) and he’s got to eat everything he sees, as usual. He sees me eating a carrot, so he’s gotta have it. He sits down next to all my gum, he’s gotta have some, too (a whole pack). He’s gotta have some popcorn and some coffee and then he asked if I’d give him the digital scale since we got a dial one. Yeah sure, I said. Then he said he should’ve taken my offer when I offered him extra mugs since he’s got two roommates now. So I gave him 4 old mugs I’ll never use again.

Oh well. I guess Andy will be Andy while I’ll be me. I still love and care about him as much as I may bitch about him. He is my best friend. He’s also so much like family since we grew up knowing each other.

So much for printing out purple text. All I can get right now is black and blue. I think this color cartridge is fucked up. It fucking figures, huh?

Right now I’m in a questionable mood. I’m not in a bad mood and I’m not in a good mood. I have things I look forward to living for and experiencing, then I have things I’m not the least bit anxious to live with. As I said, never having a baby gets easier to deal with over time, and I know God has his reasons for feeling I’m both incompetent and not deserving of a child and perhaps he’s right. That still doesn’t mean that every now and then for the rest of my life, I won’t wonder what it would’ve been like to carry and have that child. I still wonder, though, will we ever seek a doctor’s help for this situation? I can’t see it. And how many have this double whammy, too, with problems with both sex and sterility? Isn’t it usually one or the other if you’re one of those unfortunate ones to have a problem in the first place?

It’s still pretty windy out there and we had a bit of rain, but it’s a nothing storm. I wouldn’t even classify it as a storm, but just a little bit of wind and rain.

I’m also wondering about the bitch next door too, and what she’s gonna do next. Will she try again to take legal action against me? Or will she have her boytoy harass me with his music? Or maybe have Loverboy and the kid vandalize us? Well, if they do that, and I catch them, they’re dead meat.

I did a baby count last night and if I remember correctly, there are 34 babies. Counting the adults, we’ve got 42 mice altogether. That’s a lot!

Well, I’d stay and write more little tidbits of stuff, but my eyes are now beginning to close on me. I should wake up to a package from my parents tomorrow. Packages always come before I’m fully awake, anyway! I hope I don’t wake up to any court people knocking, that’s for sure.

Later...

Just got up and had my daily allergy fit. God, I’m so sick of this shit! I had hoped that the rain would clean the air and it did somewhat, but I disagree with Tom. I know the pollution has had a big play on my allergies, but I think it’s more the mice. Sorry, God, I’m not giving them up. You can make me pay for them, but I’m not giving them up. Not the ones I don’t want to give up, anyway. At least this is how I feel now, but if I decide further down the road to give in to God and let him win and control me out of having a lot of mice, I’ll just keep Ziggy, Cocoa, Tanner and Patch.

Still no freeloader next door, and it looks like I was right with my 3 shot guess. I don’t think anyone tried to serve me yesterday. I think the last shot was on Monday. That bitch is gonna take the news hard, I’m sure. Like I said, though, I think she’ll try again. Dragging me into court would be worth her money and she can’t say for sure who sent that letter and who threw that bottle, so who better to blame than me? I wonder how she can afford, it though, but I guess she could on subsidized housing. I’m sure I could’ve come up with that fee when I was in Carabetta. If she can’t raise the dough herself, she’ll use him or someone else for the money.

I’m having my coffee now, then it’s off to brush my teeth and take a shower.

Later...

I knew that the freeloader’s absence was to be short-lived. It’s back. I just heard a car door, but at least it was just one not-so-loud car door and not a million slams with music included. That’s just so far, though, cuz I know they’ll be acting up any time now. I don’t know if they know yet that I haven’t been served, but they’re gonna be pretty pissed when they found out I haven’t been. This weekend, I’m sure, will be filled with plenty of reminders that I have to live with them practically attached to us.

Still haven’t showered yet, so I’m gonna go get that over with.

Later...

No mail regarding the freeloaders. Anyway, I showered and all that and will straighten my hair as soon as it dries. I changed the bird’s cage, and he’s already trashed his food again. Why does a bird have to throw their food around their cage when they go to eat? The pigeons don’t do that. Maybe it’s cuz this bird doesn’t like me (he senses I’m not a big fan of birds). Well, the cats are just as messy when they eat as they’d be if they ate indoors. Instead of taking a bite of food from their bowl and eating it, they have to take that bite, drop it on the ground, then eat it from there. It used to piss me off how Shadow would needlessly dirty up the floor when he’d eat.

I got up earlier than UPS typically delivers and am now wide awake, so that means I most definitely won’t get my package today. I’m sure I will tomorrow, though, when I sleep later. That way, it can come before I’ve had a chance to get up and get woken up. I always end up opening it before I’m fully awake, though, cuz the suspense always kills me. It’s hard to tell myself I’ll get woken up first, while I sit and stare at a package and wonder what’s in it.

Later...

My weight’s been hanging in the mid-120s for a while now, so I expect it to go up any second now.

I’m psyched at the idea of making my own journals. Tom said he’s found everything I need to do that with, except for where they sell the wires to bind the papers with. He’ll find that out, though, cuz the journal companies themselves did. They have to have a supplier somewhere. Anyway, as psyched as I am about it, what am I gonna do with all that extra time (writing in the draft copies was time-consuming and God isn’t gonna give me a kid to fill my time with)? I guess I’ll take Tom’s advice and do more than just text when we get a new word processor. I can do illustrations, clipart, photos, etc. I can also make up that writing time by doubling or tripling my typing time. I have a gigantic hard drive in the computer I use, anyway, and it’s not even compressed.

Boy, does my hair feel much healthier straightened! It’s when it’s left curly that it feels so straw-like.

It’s still windy and cool out there and I wonder if we’ll get more rain. I’d think so from the way it’s looking out there.

I think I’ll go web cruising now.

Later...

I may do some singing in a little while and when I do, hopefully I won’t sound like I still smoke. It’s a real bummer that I have to have other problems now that I don’t smoke. I was not only sure that quitting would clear my nose, which it didn’t, I was sure my skin would no longer be leathery dry and that the ridges in my nails would smooth out, but I was wrong.

I think I’ll go do the dishes before they pile up again, and have some popcorn, too.

Later...

Now it’s really raining out there. Saw a bit of lightning and heard a bit of thunder, too. Of course our back room is leaking in the corner. There were 4 spots that would leak and Tom was only able to fix 3 of them. He’s gonna put some more sealer on the roof, but meanwhile, we’ll probably just hire someone to repair this goddamn roof.

I just left Andy a message and asked him to tell me how the phone card deal works and where to get them. That’s what he wants for his birthday, so he can go call friends and family out of state and talk those people’s ears off. I guess the price depends on how many minutes’ worth you buy. He’d take a year’s worth if he could, but I asked him to tell me what he’d reasonably prefer and where the best place to buy the cards would be.

I hope it doesn’t rain too much longer, cuz the leak is dripping fast.

Later...

God, I’m soooo pissed! I’m so fucking sick of this leaky roof deal! I’m sick and tired of having to play bucket and towels! Tom said he’s sorry, he forgot. Well, of course he forgot. If I were too busy fixing other people’s houses, I’d tend to forget what needed to be fixed in my own house, too. Like I said, his family’s houses and medical conditions come first.

Later...

Tom’s taking a shower now and then we’re going to screw for the first time in nearly two weeks. Again, I’m not in the mood, not that I won’t at least spread my legs for him. I wonder why my appetite’s dwindled like it has. Also, I question just how much I really want to trade in my freedom for a baby and I’m not sure it’s as much as it used to be, but I can’t complain. I thank God it’s not as big a deal to me as it once was and as it could be. Anyway, if I don’t mention the sterility, the doctors, etc., he won’t.

David and Evie sent an invitation to Parker’s first birthday party. Boring! Besides, Tom has to work that night. So I emailed Evie (both of their email addresses were on their return address label) and told her we couldn’t make it and that I set things up so she can email me directly. I added her to my list.

Tom confirmed that I guessed right - this color cartridge is defective. Do you know how rare that is? It figures, too, that I’d be the one to get a fucked up cartridge, but hey, rare is me. Tom will pick me up a new one and a black one, too. He’s also gonna look at Velcro leg weights that Sears has and their phone cards. We can maybe get Andy two 40-minute cards for $10 each. Anyway, the weights that I have are primarily wrist weights, but they have these really comfortable Velcro leg weights that I want. I began working out again figuring that if I didn’t lose weight or inches, and I’m sure I won’t, it’ll at least make me feel better. Most of my work and hobbies are done sitting down. This way, I can be more active.

We know of two places in Phoenix that sell Play City stuff, the brand of pet stuff we use. We’re gonna see if Play City has a website so we can find out if they have other distributors around here. I want to pick up a couple of purple Snap-On wheels. They don’t work as great, but I think the mice will like them.

I had said twice but didn’t, that I’d quit getting them wine coolers. No, I’m not addicted. It’s just like with coffee - I could give up coffee forever, but wouldn’t want to. I still do intend to return to never drinking, but rather than do it abruptly, I’ll do it little by little.