I may do some more working out later. Again, I know I can’t lose weight as long as God says I can’t. It’s just that it not only makes me feel better, but I feel more and more the need to rebel against God. In the past, for example, his refusal to allow me a child only made me want to fight him and get around him more. Now, I’m all the more determined to show that I can live just fine with his decision. And besides, he’s not the only one who thinks I can’t handle a child and am not deserving of one. I know I couldn’t handle it. I know I have so many other blessings, too, that I don’t deserve a child. I have to earn my way through life and I haven’t earned a child. Nothing I’ve done says I deserve it, but I do deserve other things that I’ve got and that I’ve worked hard for. I may not have the gift of a child, but I’ve got the gift of music. And that’s something I deserve and can handle, as long as it’s just the hobby it’s always been.

So go on God, control me all you want, but I am not gonna let a damn thing you do get to me and dominate my life and emotions!

So, it’s like I said - if I don’t mention a child, Tom won’t. He’ll forget all about it if I do.

Tom tells me I should try the hair removal thing again cuz they’re selling it everywhere. Yeah, gimmicks are sold everywhere all the time. Maybe it does work for most others and maybe it’s me. Maybe God just doesn’t want me to remove any of my hair permanently.

Later...

Got some letters typed up. Meanwhile, I haven’t heard any car doors in the 12 or so hours that I’ve been up, so if the freeloader’s car is there, I don’t know it.

I just ran into Marla online, sent her an IM, but got no response. Guess she’s busy doing something.

It’s now one of my favorite times - late Sunday night. Well, it’s not late, but by this time, I can be pretty darn sure that there’ll be no shit next door. According to Tom, there were no problems from them, so unless he’s not around to stir up the music/company, they don’t know yet that I haven’t been served. A couple of calls where all they say is how whites are no better than them isn’t gonna influence their case in court, the more I think about it. So that’s why there haven’t been any problems with music, mail, or vandalism.

Tom did say that he got a pizza he didn’t order. I said it was next door, but he said he didn’t think so cuz there was a phone number on the order that wasn’t ours. He thinks it’s just a misunderstanding about the address. Yeah, could be, but I doubt it.

God, these cats really know how to push my buttons. If they’re not banging on the door, they’re banging on the wall between the back room and patio.

I had my daily allergy fit, took my daily allergy pill, and so far, it looks like God’s gonna spare me again from catching one of Tom’s many colds. I knew he would. I’ve got allergies and other shit to deal with every day.