In my letter to Larry, I told him something I’d been contemplating telling him. I finally said fuck it, if he’s got a problem with what I told him, tough shit. I just wanted to spare him any possible surprises in the future. So, I told him that I respect his relationship with Ronnie G, wouldn’t want to change that, and would’ve maybe kept in touch with him throughout the years if he could’ve let the past be in the past, but since he hasn’t been able to leave the past in the past and chooses to ignore me, he’s gonna have to do so in all aspects of my life. Meaning, I know I can’t force him to associate with me, but he can’t be at mom or dad’s funerals, cuz if I’m there, I do intend to physically remove him, I told him. I also told him that as far as I’m concerned, none of the problems I’ve had with Ronnie in the past, have a damn thing to do with us. Not unless he wants to make it have anything to do with us. I’m sure he’ll take it in an understanding way, but like I said, if he doesn’t, that’s his choice. We all have to do what we have to do.

Tom got a big piece of cardboard that he says will cut easily. This is what we’re gonna hopefully use to make journal covers. I prefer hardcovers, but if it turns out that making hardcovers is that much of a bitch, then I’ll just use soft covers.

Later...

I explored some more Microsoft spreadsheets, databases, templates, etc., and I printed out one of their ready-laid-out floral envelopes.

Did lots of reading, too.

Maybe I’ll send Paula a letter for the hell of it since it’s been a while. What the hell’s that girl’s problem? Why’s it so hard to get in touch with me? Well, I always did say Paula was a ditz for a reason.

Shelly still continues to choose to have no contact with me. For all I know, she could’ve forgotten and lost anything with my name and number on it, but this is doubtful. Shelly’s not like Paula. She does have a brain in her head. I also don’t really think that she chooses to not contact me cuz of the past. I think it’s more personal. I think there’s something about me personally that bugs her.

Still nothing from Anne or Harry, either, but after hearing from them that one time after the first letter I sent since being out here, I kind of figured deep down that would be it. No pictures or any more letters from there on out, but I’m glad I sent them the pictures of Tom and I that I scanned. Of course, the pictures I scanned for them were before I got so big.

I’ve been doing stomach exercises regularly for over a week now and by now I should begin to notice a slight difference, but I don’t. See I’m telling you, and I vibe it strongly, God doesn’t want me to lose weight. Or to tone up for that matter. Now that I’m not running around asking, “How the hell am I ever gonna get off these damn cigarettes?” anymore, he just has to make sure I have a replacement and am now running around asking, “How the fuck am I ever gonna lose weight?” Well, I ain’t giving him the satisfaction no more.

Later...

We had our bi-weekly, but this time weekly fun in bed. I faked an orgasm and he pulled out saying that’s just his liking variety, but I’m pretty sure he just couldn’t get into it, either. We love each other dearly, but the sex has just gotten rather old. If there’s anything that is normal about our sex, though, it’s that that’s a common thing for couples who’ve been together longer than a year. It still sounds so funny coming from me. I mean, I just never thought I’d be able to say I’ve been with someone for nearly 5 years. It’s a good feeling, though. Especially when it’s with someone you love so very much that you’ve been with despite the suspicions on one or two subjects I’ve had about him, it’s been a great relationship and I believe we’ll be together forever. Our number one goal in life is the same and that is to be together forever.

For the last two months or so, it seems my sexual drive has lowered itself, but I can’t say it’s worth complaining about. Cuz of our busyness and schedules, we cannot have sex regularly. And also, it helps curb the baby desires for some strange reason.

My period is doing some strange things again, although not as strange as last month. Again, there’s no way I could be pregnant, but does this have anything to do with why I’m so fat? I was fat in my late teens due to not getting periods cuz of that Navane garbage I was on. I’m not spotting like last month, but it’s off to a very, very slow start. It’s still not normal. I should have a full flow by now and I know I’ll get one without a doubt in my mind, but still, I should either have a period or not have a period. Not kind of or intermittently, so to speak.

The freeloaders were quiet all weekend, so I won’t be stirring up any late-night noise, although one of these days, I may just stoop myself as low as they are and do shit without a reason, but it’s hard. See, I have a conscience and I’d personally feel guilty about bothering someone that either never did shit to me, or that has been quiet lately. So, I put Tom’s basketball back in his closet for now. The damn thing’s so heavy, too. No wonder they’re so loud and obnoxious sounding.

Tom got a new pedal for his car racing games on the computer, so he’s happy. It’s nice to see him on the computer more than at the TV.