Well, I don’t thank God it’s Friday, contrary to what the bulk of the population would think, but I’ve never part of the bulk of the population for the most part, anyway. I’m glad that Tom will be off, but that’s about it, cuz I’d think that two quiet weekends in a row would be just a dream. Well, we’ll just have to wait and see what they do. The longer they don’t know I haven’t been served, the longer it’ll be before they start up, but it’s not gonna be long, anyhow. If I remember correctly, it wasn’t more than two weeks between the time the butch and Stacey had me served, till we met in court.

Anyway, I feel a million times better. Yesterday I really felt like shit, all the way up till a few hours ago. My throat hurt like hell and my nose was all stuffed up. I slept on and off from noon yesterday till 3:00 this morning.

I hope I can still make it to the dentist’s appointment.

Later...

Tom just called from work to say hi, since their machines got all fouled up and he has to wait.

Today he’s bringing Ma to get these little shots in her face that help with scar tissue, then he’ll be in at noon, and he says the weekend’s clear. He’s gonna go to the track on Saturday, but that’s it.

Tweety’s singing away to the washer. I’m washing out sheets, blankets, and a few odds and ends. Just like I could do things to make Shadow meow and my pigs squeak, I can make Tweety sing, by crinkling plastic or with any steady crackling or water sounds. It’s pretty neat, but I wish God would kill these cats!

Later...

I printed out about 47 pages of this journal and it took forfuckingever! I didn’t realize it’d take that long.

I called to say hi to Tammy. She was just headed out the door but said to call her later and she’ll fill me in. At least she still sounds happy. I’ve never heard her sound so happy and positive. It’s about goddamn time, as I said before! It’s too bad that Tammy has to always be associated with Bill cuz of the kids. That must be hell, having to see someone you can’t stand like that. I’m assuming he’ll have visitation rights, even though he shouldn’t be allowed near the kids at all since the courts are so gung-ho on biology.

A few hours ago, the things I’ve been doing caught up to me. Guess I exerted myself too much doing dishes, laundry, etc. I can really tell I’m still sick when I talk. My voice is weak, as amazing as that sounds coming from someone with such a loud, strong voice, and I’m still heavy-headed. It feels stuffy and I can still barely taste or smell. This is the first cold I’ve had in years, though, so I’ll bet I won’t have another one till after the turn of the century. Especially if we don’t have the kid I know we’re not meant to have (kids are always sick).

I was discussing different philosophies and beliefs with Andy, and believe it or not, he does have a point about something. When I reminded him that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, he pointed out how God gives kids to those who can’t handle them all the time. This is true. God does do this, but as I said before, I believe God has different standards for different people. What one can do/have, may not be what someone else can do/have. I’ve been in situations I couldn’t handle before and most of the parents I’ve known couldn’t handle parenthood, but there’s still a reason for everything. I just don’t know if God’s reasons for sterilizing me are good, bad, or both, but what’s been done has been done. He sterilized me before I was even born. There’s nothing I can do about that 32 years later.

Andy left a message earlier and again, he’s as selfish as he is a very dear friend. I had left him a quick message yesterday to say hi and I also mentioned I had a cold, but in his message to me today, he didn’t even mention it. Never asked how I was or anything. Instead, I was Brenda for a few minutes. He wanted to vent his troubles with Laura. All 3 of them sleep in the bedroom. Laura and Gary have bunk beds. Meanwhile, Laura set her alarm for 6 AM and Andy wasn’t too happy about that, I guess since he doesn’t have to get up till around noon or later.