I did some singing a little while ago. The braces don’t really influence it one way or the other. The inside of the bracket, though, is just a wee bit too sharp and sticks out just a wee bit too much. Especially on the right side. I’m gonna see if she can adjust it. Meanwhile, I’m waxing the thing, but it’s not that easy. I can reach it easily enough, but I can’t get the wax to stick to it that well. It either falls off or is too thin at the pointy part. If it weren’t for the anchoring brackets, I’d probably already be used to these things.

Later...

We had a power failure earlier, so I had to set most of the clocks. I haven’t done the one on my stereo yet, and I’ll let Tom deal with the VCR one. It looks like the power failure killed the sound machine in the bedroom, but not the lamp that’s plugged into the same outlet. It fucking figures, huh? Of all the things plugged in to kill, it had to be a sound machine. Well, it could’ve been worse. It could’ve been my stereo or one of the computers. Fortunately, this happened after I got up, cuz power failures always wake someone like me up. Suddenly the fan’s gone and is replaced by cars, bumps, bangs, barks, etc., and awake I am.

Lately, it seems that something’s gone the opposite of how it used to be and is determined to protect my sleep. Not that I can complain about that one! The obsession God, or whatever, had with waking me up began slowly and ended slowly. It started around 1991, then was at its peak from early 1992 to late 1993, then tapered off around 1994. At least if I do wake up too soon, like that time I had diarrhea, my heart doesn’t feel like it’s gonna jump right out of my chest and my lungs don’t wheeze like hell. But if I had to do this every day for 4 or more months with a baby, that’d be different. We’d both be run down, cranky, and even sick. He’d very well lose his job. Not just due to being too tired to go in, but due to all the colds we’d both have. Babies and kids are always sick so we’d be sick a lot, too. Tom would go from having a few colds a year to a few colds a month! God may make mistakes by having 12-year-olds have babies, but he sure hit it right by sterilizing me! Oh, the blessings of it after all!

Later...

Tom, who is also good with people, noticed a pattern with Andy. Andy’s always seemed to take pleasure in telling people that things will be painful, and to him, everything is painful. So when I told Tom that he said getting the braces put on would be painful, Tom said that when I told Andy they weren’t painful, Andy would say, “No. It’s not getting them on that hurts. It’s when they tighten them.” True to pattern, this is what Andy said. I wonder why he likes to see others have to anticipate pain, though? I mean, that’s not very nice. However, I do have some irritation under my lip from the braces rubbing against them. Guess it’ll take time for them to get used to the rubbing and harden up to it.

As Tom agreed and said, most people are liars and most of what they say are lies. So on the 18th, when the time we agreed on is up, I’m sure he still won’t have made his appointment, but you know what? I hope he doesn’t. I mean, I want him to get checked out to be sure he’s OK and all that, but I just don’t want to deal with a child at this time. Maybe I’ll bitch about the child I can’t have after we’ve moved, but right now would be a horrible time to have a child and like I said, I want peace and quiet. Not to have to sit and listen to a demanding, fussy child cry. I want my freedom and to live life. I want my sleep. I don’t want to be tied down and miserable. I just want a child to be the thought and talk it always has been. Not a reality. Not anymore. Not at this time, anyway.

I also have to do what I feel the man I love wants, too. I want him to be happy, and cumming regularly and the idea of going to a fertility doctor has always seemed to make him anything but happy. Well, if he ever asks me if I still want a child, no matter what the truth is, I’m gonna tell him what he wants to hear and what I’ve seen to make him happiest and what I believe will make him happiest. And I know what can and can’t be, too (at least we’ll never have to face the birth control dilemma!).

Later...

These braces really are a bitch, what with how the knobby parts of the brackets dig into my tongue and lips. I hope they callous up and I get used to this shit real damn fast!

Our door-slamming freeloader is here. That’s the hardest slam in a while too, so maybe the reason why there’s no music and heavy door slamming again is cuz they heard about a certain letter. I figured that if they heard about the letter and felt it was worth turning the music down for, in exchange for it, they’d pick up with their slamming. I’d rather that, though, than their music, since they’re so desperate for my attention and for me to acknowledge that they exist.

That may not have been the freeloader cock after all, but the freeloader bitch, getting dropped off for the day. Yeah, I can see her as being much more of a door slammer with her aggressive ways.

In my ma’s email to me, she said congrats on the braces and congrats to Tom for his promotion. Also, she’s got 3 packages coming to me. Wow!

Later...

I spoke to Tammy earlier and she says it’s cold. I laughed. I told her how beautiful it is here in the 80s.

I was just outside playing with the cats. Meaning, White Feet and Blackie. I should call him White Paws, though, cuz I like that better. They came into the house for a bit, but I still can’t just sit there and pat them. I can get right up to White Paws, though, where I’m brushing his fur. Blackie’s less aggressive and friendlier, but she’s a timid one.

Just to back up to what I meant by when I said in my last journal that the girl who does my teeth is Melanie Marie Something. By “Something” I meant that I couldn’t see her last name on her diplomas. All I could see was that her last name began with a C before she was married, and now it begins with a W.

Tom said Ma had a seizure cuz she’s been dropping pills. She’d shove several pills into her mouth at once without realizing she was dropping some. Then after the seizure and finding pills all over, she realized she wasn’t getting all her medication as she assumed.

I hope she’ll be better and will live longer than a year. Tom thinks she doesn’t have too much time left. Maybe so, but a couple more years seems more logical. However, whether she goes now or later down the road, God will set us up to take care of someone else and it won’t be our child. Thank God!

What a gorgeous day that was. Getting a bit chilly out there now, though. The warmer weather stirred up the kids two yards down for a while as it usually does till it gets really hot. Again, I enjoyed how they couldn’t be heard in the house and how there was no dog next door.

Unbeknownst to me, till I checked, el cock pulled in shortly after the bitch’s ride pulled out. He’s not in for the night, though. Lately, instead of coming in for lunch, he goes back out for a while in the early evenings. Also, you’d think that if they’ve heard about the letters we sent, you’d think that they’d want to shut up, cuz it’d seem logical that keeping that house would be more important to them than harassing me. I also can’t read their minds to know if they really do hear me when I’ve made a racket at night, know why, and don’t like it. On the other hand, noise doesn’t bother them and these brazen fucks just don’t care. They think they can do whatever they want however they want to whomever they want.

Later...

The freeloader just left. I heard a car door, although not so loud this time. I bet you, though, that when he comes back and pulls into the carport and is right alongside the house, he’ll slam the living shit out of it.

Guess I’ll go do some proofreading and read some of my library book, too.

And think of Melanie Marie. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and wouldn’t touch another soul and would die without him, but a little eye candy on the side never hurt.