Still no period. Well, like I said, God will send one my way eventually. At this point, I kind of give up for now. It feels like I’ll never get one, but I still have PMS symptoms and I know I’ll get it sooner or later. Within the next few days, like Tom said. My face is full of zits, I have faint pre-cramps, and my tits are sore. That’s my fault, though. I expected to be on time as I almost always am, so towards the end there, I began drinking coffee with caffeine, figuring my period would flush out those sore tits in just a matter of days. My period should be over by now. Maybe I’m just gonna skip a period. Some women do that.

I woke up the lightest I’ve been since peaking at 128 pounds. I was 120½, but I know this is to be very short-lived. I’m sure that as soon as I took my vitamin, I went up to 123-124.

It’s raining like hell out there, so now we’ve got to pump the fucking pool again before we can put on the second coat of paint. And as usual, Tom’s cold will stall things from getting done, I’m sure.

He said he was wondering when a good time would be to go and mow his mom’s yard. Well, that’s great, but what about our yard? Ours is shitty looking with weeds galore. He said keeping up with the mowing of the two houses would be no problem since he’s gonna use their electric mower. We just have a manual mower.

Evie said that after she went over to Ma’s house and sat down and cried, she hopes the house won’t sell too fast. 

Oh, Evie, you’ll get your wish. Don’t you worry.

Evie also said her brother and his girlfriend were coming for a visit and she asked me if I had any good recipes to recommend. I told her I could really only recommend Jewish dishes and she OK’d that, so I sent her the recipe for Kugel.

Well, our trailer folks are on the street tonight. Guess they sleep heavier than I thought, but I went and rapped on the gate a bit with a stick. They’ll be my test to see just how well I really am being heard late at night after all.

I’m gonna have to deal with Blackie’s kittens too, cuz she’s in heat. So that’s about 30-40 kittens I’ll have to get rid of by the time we move. Mama Cat hasn’t been around much lately, fortunately, but she is alive and well.

Later...

There’s this white caddy that’s been blasting by around lunchtime. There’s still that blue or silver car, too. There have been so many car stereos blasting by, it’s pitiful. They get worse and worse and more frequent by the day. You can’t go one solid day now without hearing one. It may very well get to the point where I can’t sleep and will have to move my stereo into the bedroom and add that to the fan and sound machine to match their bass beats going by.

I used the electric grill my parents sent and loved it. I cooked a T-bone steak on it.

Tom and I agreed that I’d go to a doctor if I didn’t get the next period that’d be due April 18th. I would still bet these journals that I’ll have a period by then. I still can’t see God adding a child to my fate, but I wish that the reason I haven’t had a period could be due to that. I’m not gonna lie to myself or go to Fantasy Land, either. If it were possible for me to be pregnant, although it’s not, then I could be almost guaranteed to lose it within 2-3 months. So, maybe it’s best that what’s going on here isn’t due to a child, although it’d still be nice. But it’d only be nice if it could stay there for 9 months. Not be put there by God just so he could take it away. I don’t think that’d play very well on my emotions at all. Nonetheless, I tell myself, you will get a period. Cuz this is the truth and I must remember that. I can’t let old feelings/desires be stirred up.

Today’s weather suits Tom’s cold. It went from hot and dry to cool and damp practically overnight. I saw some really dark rain clouds out there. The darkest clouds I’d ever seen. And it was weird too, cuz if I looked one way it was dark and cloudy. If I turned to look the other way, it was still cloudy, but the sun was trying to poke through.

I called mom today and we chatted for a few. She says she really feels like she’s crowding Mary and Dave. She sounded awful. I feel really bad for her. She can’t talk well and her voice is still all raspy. She’s having trouble hearing, too, and is going for a test to see if it’s just old age, or what. Anyway, it was hard to hear her at one point, cuz the damn dog went off. Guess it saw something out the front window that got it stirred up.

Later...

Now here’s something promising. That big white car that’s come to visit next door with its music very loud just came and went quietly. This suggests maybe the second letter has helped ensure my peace from their shit, but who knows for sure? I just know that if he’s quiet, I’ll have to listen to a lot of stereos blast by. OK, though. If God insists I hear them either next door or on the street, then I’ll take the street since that’s not quite 3’ from the bedroom window.