I went through all my clothes, and 95% of them are just too damn small on me now or don’t fit at all. It’s almost hard to believe I was once that small. But I can never lose this weight, so I’ve got to do some summer clothes shopping. I have a few pairs of shorts I can still squeeze into, but I’ll have to get bigger sundresses and a bathing suit. It’s frustrating, but I have to just live with it and not try to fight it, cuz if I try to fight it, I’ll only exhaust and disappoint myself. So, no more new ways to lose weight that I “think” will finally get this weight off me. It’s just not coming off. Period.

Box #1 came today from my parents and this one was all cosmetics. This woman has more cosmetics than a store would. There was lotion, lipstick, eyeshadow, perfume, and hair conditioner.

Evie also sent me a card with pictures of Parker.

Tom picked out an old picture of his parents and printed it out to iron onto a shirt.

Tomorrow’s the day that he, Mary, Dave and Mikey will be moving his mom out and then the house becomes our responsibility till the day she dies, I’d assume. I’m glad Mary’s the executor of the will, though. And surprised, too.

Later...

Yesterday there were a series of anonymous calls with no messages. A little while ago there was one that was only two seconds long. It may have been a young male voice, but I couldn’t make out any words. Then I realized I didn’t block anonymous calls correctly, but I just did, though. Unless it’s Andy playing games, or unless it’s Paula which I doubt, it is the freeloaders. Paula wouldn’t call this much and she wouldn’t leave such a strange message, either. And I doubt Andy would play games with me, but you never know. My senses tell me it’s the freeloaders, but why not speak up? Why the lack of messages or inaudible two-second messages? The only time I heard voices was when that Spanish girl called with some guy in the background, and when the freeloader lady called to preach racial harmony.

Then a half-hour after the call, I heard a voice that sounded a lot like what I thought I may have heard on the phone. I don’t know. Maybe they just had company and the sick fucks got together to call me. It sounds like maybe the sick bitch over there is having people call and send pizzas to see if I still live here so she can try to have me served again.

Now for a pleasant call I got. Sweet Melanie herself gave me a call to see how I was doing. I told her that there’s been some problems and a lot of discomfort. The wire that was attached to the impacted tooth let go and Tom had to get metal cutters and snip it away. It was just hanging on the main wire. Guess there’s just not enough tooth there.

Tom was surprised that she herself called and not an aide or secretary of some kind. That was really nice of her and kind of ironic, too, seeing how I prayed to God for her to like me, too. I mean, I’m sure it’s just a coincidence and that she calls all her patients and that I’m not special to her at all, but anyway, I prayed for mutuality. What I mean by that is that I told God it can be our secret and that while she can be just as happy with her husband as I am with mine, it’d be nice if she liked me too and thought of me a lot, too. I don’t want to touch, all I want is some mutuality. I asked God for a sign if he does decide to grant my wish, but I just don’t know if this can really be considered a sign just cuz she herself called. I did call yesterday bitching about these things after all, so who knows? Just to know she thinks of me, be it sexually or not, would be totally flattering. I’d be honored to know I dominated her thoughts for a while. Like I said, I hope she’s as happy with hers as I am with mine, and I wouldn’t touch her even if she came out and told me that even though she’s married, she likes to fool around on the side. Not that she would ever do this, but this is just an example. I just would simply like to know that I’m thought of too, and that she thinks I’m attractive too, and that she fantasizes about chatting, cuddling, and maybe even some physical fun, too. If she’d lay there at night and think of me beside her, I’d be honored. If she’d wish I was there to chat with her, I’d be flattered.

Later...

Well, it doesn’t look like we’ll be getting any pizzas tonight. Maybe after we get pizza #4, I should leave a note out there saying, “We didn’t order any pizzas, but next door did.”