It’s midnight and I’m still wide awake. Fuck! How am I gonna see Melanie? I not only want to see her so I can look at the gorgeous face again, but I also want to discuss what’d be best to do about the braces, etc. I am getting more used to them, so that’s good.

I think I’ll go pop a couple of Benadryl and hope to hell it’ll knock me out (but not for 12 hours) before sunup. I’ll pray to God for help falling asleep too, as that’s an area I do have faith in him. He usually comes through on granting the sleep wishes these days.

I’d like to stay and write, but like I said, I better get a move on doing whatever I can to knock myself on my ass.

Later...

Fortunately, I managed to get up at 10 AM, so if I don’t go to bed till 2-4 AM, then get up at 12:30 PM, I’ll still be well-rested for my 2:30 date with Mel.

Just 4-5 more hours and I’ll feel safe from any possible outbursts from next door. Yes, sundown on Sunday is my favorite time of the week. They hate this weather, and as usual, the cooler temperatures and the rain/clouds kept them quiet. In fact, yesterday when it was raining, he may not have gone out anywhere at all. It shocked the hell out of me, but that car didn’t move. He did have to come out, though, just to slam his car door once. He’s so obsessed with me knowing he’s there. He left after noon and before he did, he slammed the doors a good 8-10 times. I can just picture it, too, one or both of them opening and slamming, opening and slamming the doors over and over again for my sake. If it ain’t music, it’s doors, but I’ll take doors over the music.

Later...

If it weren’t for Tom, this fucking bird would be out with the cats right now! Sometimes its chirping and squawking are just fine, but when I’m trying to have a conversation on the phone and when I’m in bed with Tom, I don’t need to hear it.

And here we go with the sexual shit again. I’m sick and tired of him doing what he said he didn’t want me to do to him. This is the third time he stopped in the middle of sex cuz he thought something put me out of the mood. I’m tired of him assuming how I feel and deciding what to do for me when I have a voice of my own. He uses me as an excuse to quit during sex cuz he’s not into it and cuz he just loves to tease and play games. I stopped giving a damn and bitching about if we have part-time sex or not. I stopped giving a damn and bitching about his infrequent cumming. I wanted him to do as he pleases and to be happy and not do anything that’d make him uncomfortable. So I told him he better quit controlling things in bed and making sex a chore for me, or else I won’t want to have sex for a while. At least I’ve got a good week or so of a break from sex anyway, cuz it’s usually just on the weekends that we screw. I’m sure he’s relieving himself right now, too. Just like last time, he went to bed or to take a nap afterward and was in much too good of a mood after he quit the sex on us for someone who was still supposedly in the mood and in need of relief.

Yesterday Ma was moved, but there are still a lot of things in the house. That’s cuz they can only fit so much into Mary and Dave’s jam-packed house. I feel bad for her having to be yanked out of the house she was in for 20 years by her kids cuz she’s too old to live alone.

Evie said in her email to me that she plans on visiting Ma to cheer her up when she’s over there alone. She also offered to come and get me on one of these visits and to do lunch with me. Why didn’t I have people like her in my life before I met Tom?

The house across the street from Mary burned down. Guess they were God’s favorite kinds of parents with a bunch of little kids. Mary said she heard one of the 3-year-olds say, “I lit the couch on fire.” 

Then a 5-year-old say, “Yup, I dared him to do it.” 

Then one of these kids said something about Dad being really pissed when he got home, but then he was reminded by another kid that he was in jail. God’s quite a hit with choosing parents, isn’t he? And you know these kids will end up just as fucked as the parents and that they too will end up in jail.

I talked with Sandy earlier. Larry and Jen were at a band concert at the high school, but meanwhile, I got to laugh my ass off at Sandy. She said it was about 44º (30s & 40s are common at this time of year there) and that there was even some snow on the ground to go with it! I called 3-way and let her hear how lovely our weather’s gonna be, minus one little storm from CA.

Later...

I certainly can’t count on this and I won’t get my hopes up, but it “sounds” like Mr. Fuck might be taking off for a while. There’s been no music, but I thought I heard those packing sounds.

Later...

It’s over! The weekend’s over and it’s now my favorite time - Sunday evening.

I’m also psyched to say that I’ve gone all day without wax and am used to these things now. I just now put a little wax on the inside brackets, but just when I thought I’d never get used to these things, I got used to them.

Later...

Unless I’ve got stuff to do, I try to take the time to guard the kittens while they eat, so that they alone can eat and not their mean old mom as well. I chased the bitch around the side of the house just now, where there’s one of the long metal pieces that go to the security door we’ll probably never fully install. I thought about clanking and banging it for a sec when I saw that their living room windows were brightly lit, and at first I thought to myself, Nah, they didn’t do anything today that was noisy and that pissed me off. Then I thought, hey, wait a minute! What about the times when they did shit to me when I wasn’t noisy and didn’t give them a reason to bother me? So I picked the thing up and just threw it down, then booked it back in here cuz it’s at hours that they’re up. Sure enough, right after I threw the thing, I saw their security light come on but didn’t hear anything. I know they had to have heard this, too, cuz you’re talking about throwing it just a few feet away right outside their fucking window. Don’t get me wrong, cuz that security light goes on and off at all hours of the night and day. Any of these damn cats could trip it on, but I wouldn’t be surprised if someone did come out to look around. Normally they may say - fuck it. But they have reason to be paranoid while we’re neighbors and they know it. So now it’s mutual. Now we both get to live in stress. While I wonder if they’re gonna piss me off with noise, they have to wonder if I’ll do anything to their place.

I called Andy for my weekly chat which I usually call for late Sunday or sometime on Monday. He was at work, but I know how faithful he is when it comes to the phone and I know I can count on him to leave me a message when he gets in.

I told him that since he likes to tell people they’re gonna be in pain, he ended up right on the second day of the braces and filled him in on all that.

I also told him it was ironic that he recently had a dream where he was at my parents’ place and they were gathering up stuff to send to me in boxes, seeing that she’s now sending boxes of stuff she’s not taking to the new place. Tammy’s not getting any boxes, but they just had a fight, so maybe Ma’s too pissed off at her still.

Lastly, I told Andy about Melanie and how Tom knows that I think she’s pretty and that I can tell him these things without him worrying, and he trusts me, etc.

Ma usually emails me between 11 PM-1 AM her time, so I’ll check for a message soon.