I have wonderful news, but first, the light blue car is here. Bill’s still here too. I don’t think it’s a coworker in that light blue car. I mean one who happens to be black too, and who happens to have a car that goes with this bitch’s people’s cars? I doubt that. It’s too coincidental. There are probably mostly other poor, lazy blacks going where she goes, though. Although, I wouldn’t exactly call her lazy. She gets out regularly, 5 days a week. She’s just mean, broke and stupid.

The people across the street aren’t all moved in yet, Tom told me. Yeah, I know. No dog yet.

Our dumbfuck mailman gave me a catalog that belongs to N. 21 Dr. I’m sure they got my doll catalog too.

I had bad allergies last night like I do once a week or so.

Andy’s going to be going to California after all. Good for him. He’ll be going from Wednesday to Saturday. Good. Then he’ll get the letter I sent him before he goes. He should get it tomorrow.

He broke down and got high. I told him I still love him anyway, and always will no matter what, even though I like him better sober. As I told him, though, I believe someday he’ll quit for good. Just like I quit cigarettes for good after years of many failed attempts.

He said he was proud of me for taking the first steps toward getting tested. He said he’ll support whatever I decide to do. Now that’s being a good friend. He said he was shocked too, and didn’t think I’d ever go this route. Neither did I. Anyway, I filled him in on the basics, and I also filled in Evie, Kim, Tammy, and Marla. Yup, I heard from Marla! She’s just been busy as hell.

Anyway, this doctor’s right by the Crystal Creek complex and she’s pretty nice. So is her nurse. No one there is as attractive as Melanie. They’re all just there, but at least they’re nice and seem to know what they’re doing, and that’s what counts.

They’re remodeling their office, though, and man was it dusty!

I didn’t have to wait as long as I thought I’d have to and there weren’t a bunch of pregnant teens with wailing kids.

First she weighed me as 119 since doctor’s scales are always 4 pounds more than regular scales, then I tried unsuccessfully to give a urine sample. I should’ve remembered this! I should’ve drunk lots of water.

Got a freeloader update before I go on. That light blue car backed into the street to let Bill out and I saw the driver again. A very tall and very thin black lady with two girls that were about 8 and 10. No older than 12 and no younger than 6 for sure. After she backed the car up, the freeloaders and these two girls ran around screaming and jumping up at the basketball hoop (I thought they were gonna play ball) for a minute or so, then they all went into the house. I just came out of the bathroom to check and I saw the tall woman, the bitch, and one of the bigger girls get into the car, but I assume this girl’s sister and the freeloaders were in the car too. They just took off somewhere.

My guess is that this tall thing is the bitch’s sister and that the two girls are nieces of the bitch that I was supposed to have ordered not to play around here.

Anyway, the nurse took me into an exam room, took my blood pressure, and asked a few basic questions, assuring me the doctor was really nice.

Then the doctor herself came in to get me to bring me into her office to ask me some questions.

The doctor was friendly, and in her mid to late 40s, I’d guess. She had short blond hair and was of average weight.

She asked me how often we had sex. I told her once or twice a week. I told her of my ear when she asked if I’d had any surgeries. She asked when I got my first period and I told her I was about 10. I told her for nearly 3 years when I was in my teens I didn’t get a period. She asked if I was ever told why, and I said no, but I had my theories that it was maybe related to medications. I also hadn’t been eating well back then.

I told her I wanted to see her cuz of the DES, how Cigna got several bloody cultures, and that I was wondering why I hadn’t gotten pregnant.

She asked if I were ever involved in any violent sex acts, or if I’d ever had any sexual diseases. She asked if I were married and if I worked.

She said she’d love to meet Tom after I said I wanted to bring him in next time.

I forgot to mention the atypia that Cigna said I had, but if it’s any big deal, they’ll find it and tell me what to do about it.

She asked when my last period was and when my last exam was, and I mentioned the screwy periods. She said it could very well be normal. Especially since after the spotting, my period’s light and doesn’t last long.

We were wrong in thinking that if my uterus was shaped funny an ultrasound could see it. She said it can’t and therefore, I have to have a test that’ll see its shape because from what I gather, the shape of the uterus can complicate getting pregnant. That was Evie’s case till I came into the picture and she got pregnant.

She said she’s known DES people who have had no problems getting pregnant, but the 3 problems some DES people have are conceiving, suffering miscarriages (something about ruptured membranes which I don’t quite get), and cervical cancer.

She seemed so sure of my situation, though, and once used the words “when we get you pregnant” in one of her sentences to me. She sounded too sure, if you ask me, even though I had no bad vibes of any kind.

She said I could use Vagisil or something that you put in your bath (I forgot the name of it) if I get any irritation around the opening.

Unexpectedly, she recommends kidney testing saying it’s important. The ears and kidneys form at the same time.

I thought I’d have to call Dr. Brown and ask to be able to see Dr. Wells again and do whatever she recommended, but nope, they know each other and I don’t have to do a thing. They’re gonna take care of getting things approved by Dr. Brown. In a week, I’m to call Vicki, a woman who works in the office, about going for the kidney/uterus tests. If I haven’t heard from the nurse in two weeks, I’m to call for my pap results.

After the doctor and I talked, she took me back to the exam room where she listened to my lungs, which she said sounded good. That’s a first. She listened to my heart too, which she said was beating a mile a minute. Really? I felt calm, though.

She said what she could see from the outside of me looked good after she checked my tits.

For the first time, I didn’t ask for the smallest speculum. The exam is still uncomfortable, but it was easy compared to before I knew Tom. I had cramps for a little while and some bleeding afterward.

After getting the kidneys/uterus tests, Tom and I will meet with her for a 1-hour consultation.

She said there was something (that I can’t remember) that was supposed to be visible on some DES people around their cervixes but I didn’t have it. That’s good, I guess.

I fixed my ear, I’m fixing my teeth, so I may as well fix my plumbing if I can! I still don’t see a child in my cards whether I wanted that or not, but whatever’s meant to be will be and whatever’s not, won’t be. I’m just gonna try to keep my mind and doors open to different possibilities. I know I’ll feel much better if I understand more about why my body is as it is and if I know what my options are.

I said something to Tom about wishing I’d gone earlier in our marriage, knowing I was sterile, and knowing I wanted a kid very much back then, but he suggested that it may have put too much stress on the relationship back then. He doesn’t feel stressed out by it now, though. Well, we’ll never know what would’ve happened if we’d gone in 1994-1996, but I think our love was strong enough then to endure it, even stronger now, and as Tom said, these things keep progressing with time. He’s right. Each day that passes, I love him more and I couldn’t imagine life without him. Well, let’s just put it this way. If we were meant to have gone earlier, we’d have gone. If we weren’t meant to go now, we wouldn’t have. However, that doesn’t mean that just because I now have a good vibe and just cuz today went smoothly, God’s not gonna step in and block us later on. We’ll just have to see. I’ll be damned if I’ll fight and struggle for something I’m not meant to do, though, and have to pay the consequences for “disobeying” God. If he starts throwing hurdles at us, I’m calling it quits. I’ll just carry on with my curiosities. I’d rather not, but if I’m not meant to have any answers, I won’t.

Later…

Thank God they don’t predict rain for the week, cuz the roof’s not likely to be done till Wednesday. They went as far as Friday saying there’d be no rain. Thank you, God!