Tom was up when I got up at 5:30. He had been asleep, but the phone woke him up. He said he didn’t know why it woke him up, though. That’s a first.

I was just in the music room when I heard something that I thought was coming from the bedroom, then thought it was from the freeloaders' carport just outside that window, but now I don’t know. Maybe it was from the roof. Maybe the cat nudged a tool up there or something. I looked in the carport and didn’t see anything, though.

Later…

I just remembered something. Well, as I suggested to Tom, I hate to see him spend money on God knows what on the 4th (Red Lobster or miniature golf). So, why don’t we just consider the lollipop doll as both my birthday and Christmas present, then I’ll get Edie with any birthday money I may get from Mom. If mom doesn’t send any birthday money, I’ll save enough money in my piggy bank for her. Then I remembered the Christmas money. She typically gives money for Christmas. If she does, it’ll be at least $50 each, so I’ll be getting another doll with that if I do. So maybe I’ll be getting 4 more dolls instead of 3. Another few weeks and Patrice should be here. Hopefully, we can go to the bookstore and the doll store on the 4th, though.

Later…

I was right about the freeloaders. No shit from them today. The bitch was picked up early in the white car, and the cock was here for a while, but that’s it.

I wasn’t right on when, but I was so right about the roofing being harder than Tom envisioned and taking much longer than he could initially see. He’s having a miserable time with that fucking roof. The shingles require so many nails and just don’t cover as much space as he thought they would, cuz they need to overlap by 6” or so. So, he may have another 1-3 weeks’ worth of work to do, and he’ll be getting tarps to staple down to protect us from the rain we’re supposed to get this weekend. Of all the weekends it has to rain in Arizona, it just had to be this one, huh? What? Does God want him to work on the roof only when he has to work at the bank all fucking night, too? Yeah, this naturally has me furious with God. It’s like - thanks, God! Thanks for treating my husband like shit and for running him ragged like this for no reason. He doesn’t deserve this shit. He needs to have a life. We have too much other shit that’s gotta be done. He can’t keep dealing with this fucking roofing shit week after week after week. It’s like God has no mercy or empathy for this man, he won’t help him help us, and what’s the point of not having a kid if we can’t have a life? The purpose of not having a kid (one of them) is so that we can live life and do things, yet we don’t even have a life. The Chanukah shirts can be forgotten about, the library, the things we were gonna do on the 4th, and the other household projects that need to be done before we can move. All this is gonna have to be put on hold.

First, I had to worry that Marge was gonna kill him and now I worry about God. It’s like something up there really, really really does want him to be constantly tied up in shit. There’s no doubt about that, but I knew this years ago. I don’t know how he can delusion himself by thinking he could’ve had time for a kid, any more than that I could’ve handled it.

What I did amazingly handle was sleeping through his banging all day. Not smoking really helps and yes, it is better to be fat, look like shit, and feel good, rather than to wheeze, have a racy heart, and look good. He did wake me up 2-3 times throughout the day, but I just went right back to sleep. I still need to push my schedule up by at least 8 hours before I can comfortably see Melanie.

I asked Tom why he couldn’t go to his mother and say look, you’ve got the resources and funds available, so get some people in to help me for once, but he said we’re too deep into the project to call for help now.

Sex is gonna have to wait another week or two, and it’s not that I miss it cuz you know I prefer sex with the vibrator over sex with him, but I worry that this is gonna bring on another round of irritation. At least there’s stuff for that, though.

Tom told me he saw the dog across the street, and I was like - what?! He’s seen it and I haven’t heard it?! How can that be? Well, it turns out that this dog’s a really small dog and it’s kept indoors. Indoors!! Can you believe it?! Indoors! Well, at least that’s what appears to be the case so far, anyway. He said he saw it run out of the house as adults were standing around talking out front. He said he could hear country music coming from their house. He said the little girl across the street was playing with the collie kids. Every kid within a 5-mile radius plays with those kids.

I still can’t believe that we’re about to hit December and still, no one’s played ball at the freeloaders!! So this tells me that yes, she’s under the false, but wonderful impression that part of my shut-up-or-get-evicted deal with the city means that there must be no ball games either. Well, in a sense she’s right. I won’t stand for hours of ball-bouncing every week. No one that has houses all around them just a few feet away should be playing ball, anyway, any more than they should be leaving dogs out all day and all night.

Not that Tom would’ve obliged, but no one came out and told him to shut up and give them a peaceful Thanksgiving. Well, most others around here are anything but peaceful themselves between their music, dogs, and screaming kids. And I’m not surprised the people in the collie house stayed here all day, either. These people are just like the Ms were. They never go anywhere.

I wondered if this was the first potential obstacle as far as the testing goes and if God was thinking about sending me messages about him not agreeing with what I’m doing, but Tom said we’ve come this far, so let’s just get the kidney and uterus tests done. He said kidneys are important, and if we find out the uterus’s shape is bad (I vibe it could very well be bad, too) then we’ll know that’s the problem, and that’ll eliminate us having to bother with other tests.

It’s easy for me to say, let’s put the testing on hold till after we’ve moved and after we’ve built our dream house, which will take a few years, but nah. There’ll just be something else going on at that time. I’m wondering if this will ever fit into our lives and if God ever wants me to have any answers.

Later…

Gotta get Tom up in a few, but meanwhile, I was thinking of taking Benadryl to hopefully take a nap. That might push my schedule if I split up my sleeping, so I can end up being up during the next few days.

Later…

Maybe the collies have finally shut up. They went on and on and on. The people there probably had a shitload of company. Again, the people there are also very very lucky that we’re moving. But will it still be in June? I don’t know. If the roof can drag on this long and if so, many other things can too, what’s to say we won’t be able to move till 2002? As we get closer to June, we’ll see how my vibes are, cuz that’ll tell me more.

El cocko came in at 9:30 and I assume it picked its bitch up. It was too dark to be certain it was his car, but I’d guess it was. Its engine starting up didn’t sound like Bill’s and it definitely wasn’t a white car. I heard some familiar sounds that I didn’t like, though. I didn’t like those “packing” sounds I heard. These are the same sounds I’d heard when it’d come and go in the past. This took place over a course of 10 minutes or so. Now, how much fucking turkey can you unpack? I doubt it was turkey, and I wonder if he’s slowly bringing his stuff back, but freeloader beware! You step foot back here and so help you fucking God, you’re outa here! I’ll turn right around and contact the city and this time, I just may take it a step or two further than that.

This is the plan - to take a Benadryl at around 3 AM and sleep till around 9 AM when Tom comes home and starts banging away. Today he’ll be banging away over the bedroom, too. If I can sleep till around 9 AM, then I won’t go to sleep again till between 1:00-3:00 AM and will then be on days. If not, then I’ll just try to stay up as late as I can and I’ll just have my sleep dragged out longer than usual due to both his hammering and the Benadryl. Benadryl tends to put you out longer than usual, and if I’m sleeping on and off all day cuz of his hammering, that ought to help push my schedule. Tom says not to worry and that getting to my Monday appointment is a done deal.