A private call just came in and I figured it was Andy by the type of ring (long-distance rings are different) but if it was him, he left no message. He left a message earlier and said he’d call again later. Yeah, I’m sure he will! Anyway, in his message, he told me he nearly beat the shit out of Laura and that they agreed to part as friends since they each know they can fuck each other over. She can fuck with his property and he can fuck with her family by telling her family her dirty little secrets, so to speak. Why not just part on good terms? Why continue the friendship? Why can’t he let go of these kinds of immature, destructive people? Is this all he feels he deserves? Have some self-respect, Andy! And just like I knew he would, he mentions how God’s blessed him so much with getting through all his stress. Well Andy, if you’re so blessed by God, how come you’re in the same boat year after year? Don’t you think you’re giving God a little too much credit? Think maybe you’re fooling yourself about God?

Got a message from Paula today, too. I knew it’d be just a matter of a few days before I heard from her again. I wonder how school went for her. She never says much on my machine. She’s the opposite of Andy. Andy usually uses the full 3 minutes allotted, but Paula just says, “Hi. It’s me. Call me.” Then she said something about being up since 4 AM, cuz a big storm they had woke her up.

Later...

I’m kind of tired today. Guess I didn’t sleep as long as I usually do. Going hungry is gonna make me a bit tired too, but seeing that I woke up at 112 pounds, I need to really really back off of food. In fact, I’m just gonna go ahead and see if I can starve off the remaining 12 pounds I want to lose and get to 100 pounds. That way, all I’ll have to do is just maintain my weight, and although that’s hard for me now, it’s a hell of a lot easier than trying to lose weight. It’s so hard to believe that I once could hold onto the same weight effortlessly, without even trying, no matter how much I ate. But now, trying to hold onto the same weight is like trying to hold onto a bar with one hand. It’s a constant struggle. These few pounds I gained were cuz of three lousy days of eating just 1500 calories a day. Less than your average person consumes daily, which is 2000 daily. For the last ten years, I haven’t minded being short. Now I don’t know about that. If I were even just 2-3 inches taller, maybe I could have 1500 calories a day instead of 1000. Do you know how fast 1000 calories go?! It’s like trying to cut down from smoking 25 cigarettes a day to 5 a day. Food that’s filling and that has any real substance at all to it is loaded with calories. You have to live on air or stuff like scraps of lettuce in order to lose weight, but you’ll be starving! Since God only helps those he feels like helping, and since I’m not usually one of them, I have to put my all into helping my own self here.

Tom trimmed the palm tree by the back gate and it looks great! Before, it was a pain in the ass and in the way when coming and going through that gate, but now it’s out of the way.

Later...

What a weird society we live in! Not just rude and selfish, but weird. Really weird! Two Spanish women were standing at the end of our driveway an hour ago with six kids swarming around them. Half of them were in our driveway. One was teaching one of them to ride a bike which kind of crashed into our garage door. I know being on the corner makes it easier to hang out in our driveway, but what is it with these little trespassers doing their thing in other people’s driveways/yards? What’s wrong with their own? Anyway, I didn’t go out and ask them to leave because they didn’t hurt anything and were only there for a few minutes. I kept an eye on them till one woman and half the kids went up the street, and the other woman and the other half of the kids went down the street. So what do these mothers do nowadays? Sit and decide with their friends whose driveway they’ll hang out in? And whose driveway they’ll teach their kids to ride bikes in? They even had a toy gun in the driveway too. It fell, and then one of the little animals picked it up. I know the women saw me looking out the window at them, but they acted like they didn’t see me and that they weren’t on anyone’s property but their own.

Paula called and I answered this time. We had a good talk that didn’t last too long. As I knew would be the case, she didn’t make it to school. She says she’ll try again in May. Yeah, right! She says she didn’t make it to school cuz of her whore of a boyfriend. He was supposed to drive her to school, but he stood her up two days in a row. In one breath, she says she’s pissed off at this guy, but then in the next breath, she wants him to move in with her. Paula’s life, just like Andy’s, is still the same old, same old, that’s for sure! She’s getting it on with this guy who’s already got a girlfriend, while she’s also getting it on with this AIDS guy. She’s kind of just as slutty as the guys are. She said she sucked him off unprotected, but that they screwed with a rubber. Her sucking the guy off unprotected was a dumb thing to do. Meanwhile, these guys are typical of what Paula gets. They have no respect for her whatsoever. All these air-headed, immature, irresponsible, stupid things want, is sex, sex, sex.

I checked out the premiere of the new doll show last night and it was pretty good. Again, they spend way too much time showing the same doll and should show more than 15 dolls in two hours, but it was still interesting enough. They didn’t show as many dolls I’d already seen as I thought they would. They had some dolls between 33” - 38” for between $220-$250 with nice dresses, but boring faces. One’s hair was too short. One’s face was actually sort of nice. I’m hoping to get a 30-something-inch doll when we move.

They had a 12” doll for just $10! They also had a 10” doll for $20 that I’d actually take if it were as easy as handing them the $20 for the doll in a split second. That’s because it was a Rapunzel doll. There are different variations on her, I guess. The Rapunzel I have is 20” tall with wavy hair that falls to her ankles. The one on TV was half that height and had straight hair trailing on the floor. At first I decided I’d get her when I could, but then changed my mind and decided to get another vibrator instead and try making my own Rapunzel someday. Anyway, I had this vibrator before. It’s not as good quality-wise as the ones I’ve got are, but this one felt better.

Later...

Again a private call with no message. Guess it could be anyone, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it were Andy just leaving his “calling card,” so to speak to say, “I’m here. I’m gonna make you get up and check and see who’s calling. That way I know I got to you by making you have to notice me. I’m doing the opposite of what you asked too, by calling constantly.”

A little while ago I was in the music room doing a puzzle on the vanity when I heard a ton of door slamming. I told myself it wasn’t the right hour to be coming from next door, but then I realized that no one else around here would slam doors eight times in a row like that. So I upped and looked and sure enough, one of the white cars was there. At that hour on a weekday? Guess they must be making up for lost time since both white cars and their basketball-playing animals disappeared for a while, but the white car didn’t stay long tonight.

Porky hasn’t gone outside the cage lately. Guess he’s gotten too big to squeeze through the bars.