Something up there not only didn't want me with women way back when and did everything to keep me from them, but something up there doesn’t even want me to have pictures of women, haha. I told Tom about those thumbnails I couldn’t get the full-size pictures of and he left a new website address for me to try before he left for work, but every time I was about to enter this photo gallery, I’d crash. OK, God, I won’t even look at women!

Why must everything be such a big fucking deal for me? Giselle never came, I can’t get a few lousy pictures, and everything has to be such a struggle to obtain. Why? Can’t I just enjoy some of life’s pleasant things without the big deal or the waiting time attached? Why do I always have to fight for stuff? Of course, if Dureen had just sent me my pictures instead of throwing them away, maybe I wouldn’t need to go looking for these pictures. Even my own mother stole from me and kept shit from me, the little thief! When I look back at the things I’ve wanted/want, I see a depressing pattern. I couldn’t have a kid, I couldn’t have a normal sex life, I can’t get dolls I order on time, I can’t get pictures on the web, etc. Must I always pay and be compensated for Tom and for the things I do have?

Anyway, speaking of that so-called abnormal sex life that I’ve come to not only accept but to appreciate its good points, one of them being its cleanliness, I’ve dropped hints to Tom that I’m anti-kid and that if I thought I could conceive, I wouldn’t let him near me during mid-cycle. The point is that Tom will use this as the perfect excuse to quit cumming altogether which is fine with me. I want him to be happy. So if we can both benefit from it, let him do us both a favor and not cum. No, it’s not that I fear that one in a million chance that I’d conceive (I probably don’t even have that much), it’s just that I know he prefers not to cum and I want him to be happy. It also keeps the sheets cleaner. So, if he can be doing me a favor while not doing anything to make his own self uncomfortable - why not?

Later...

Well, I did manage to find a couple of pictures I wanted and so did Tom, from what I discovered when I went to save them in my wallpaper folders. So I got about 5 of the 10 I wanted. I still can’t get into the first site I wanted to check out without crashing. I’ll discuss it with Tom when he gets in.

He’s gonna call about Giselle. Maybe we can get a discount on her. This is the second time dolls have been late and besides, I can’t know for sure that she hasn’t been misdelivered. Tom doubts she’s been misdelivered and with a box that big, I’d hope not! Not unless a certain mailman really was hell-bent on fucking things up.

Andy left me a message yesterday saying how excited he was that he got this temp job for two weeks and how he’ll be such a happy camper for two weeks. Sorry, Andy. I can’t be happy for you. You’ll only throw this job away. In fact, you probably won’t bother to show up for it, will you? Also, what do you mean you’ll be a happy camper for two weeks? I thought you wanted to work only part-time and supplement your income selling pot. If you don’t, then why don’t you just get a fucking full-time job?! And of course, it was on and on about how wonderful God’s been to him, too.

Later...

I am so sick of AOL and all its problems! I tried to go to other sites but kept crashing. When’s AOL gonna get their act together after so long? First we could never get online, now they crash on us left and right.

I managed to get even more pictures, although still not all I want. It’s a screwy system and it was hard for me to figure out how to get into this thing, but anyway, I got some more that are nice. They’re of Gloria.

Giselle ain’t coming today. If she hasn’t come by now, she won’t be coming at all, cuz as Tom pointed out, they usually like to get their packages out of the way first. Especially larger ones, so that there’s room for stuff they pick up. He’s more likely to deliver a small package right before he delivers the regular mail than he is to deliver a large package right before the regular mail.