Last night was the final straw with Andy. I mean, I have absolutely fucking had it with you, Andy! You selfish, spoiled rotten pest! You are like a bad cold that just won’t quit. A bad zit that just won’t fucking go away. Some friend you are Andy. Some true friend.

Let me start from the beginning before I get into what I’ve decided to do about Andy and why I’ve decided to do what I’m gonna do, although that ought to be obvious enough.

I told Andy I’d call him Sunday evening about doing his buttons then and told him for the zillionth time that weekends aren’t good for me. He says, “Well, you never know,” and I’m thinking to myself, yes, I do know, but of course, there’s no getting that through his thick skull. Of course, he can’t come over just to see me. He can only come over if he wants something.

Red Lobster called today asking why he didn’t show up for work. Way to go Andy. Way to go. Now you’re gonna lose this job too?

Anyway, I’ve had it with his selfishness and with his obvious desire to deliberately, knowingly, and intentionally do things that he knows damn well annoy the fuck out of me! He left a message chewing in my ear. As soon as I heard this, though, I erased the message. Wouldn’t even listen to another word of it. I won’t give Andy the satisfaction of acknowledging I got this chomping message of his, either. I’ll let the little pig know I didn’t hear from him all weekend, which I found to be odd since I know he loves to call when I’d rather him not.

Like I said, it’s way more than obvious that he wants me to bitch at him for doing simple little things I ask him politely not to do. He wants to irk me. Well, I’m sorry, but this is not a true friend as far as I’m concerned, and from here on out till we move, I’m just gonna have as little to do with him as possible, then I’m gone. He’s finally succeeding in pushing me away. This time around, I’m not even gonna bother to ask him for the zillionth time to please not gross me out on the phone and chew in my ear like that. He won’t give a shit. It won’t do me any good. So, instead of trying to change him, I’m just gonna leave him as he is just like I did with Doe and company, let him be myself, then I’m gone and then I can associate with others that are true to me. I try to compromise with him by letting him call any day, but he can’t even not eat on the phone with me? He can’t get me even that much? Well, fuck him then! Fuck him! I asked him a reasonable, simple little thing, and if a friend can’t do a little thing like that, they’re not a friend at all. This self-absorbed, stuck-up little snot just isn’t my type anymore. Except for his pot and his negativity, he was once the perfect friend for me. We had lots in common. But now, I can’t stand his constant calls, his selfishness, and all the other shit I’ve been putting up with. Makes me wonder - has he been trying to get me to dump him all along? Andy may have shit for memory, but he’s not stupid. He has to know what he’s been doing deep down what with his selfishness, etc. He won’t come see me unless he wants something, he won’t feed my animals if we go on a trip, he won’t pull in any packages that may come while we’re on a trip, he won’t give me the fucking weekend off from the phone, he won’t quit chewing in my ear, he won’t stop calling me constantly, and he won’t stop rambling and listen to a fucking word I have to say when we do talk. I’m sorry, but I don’t think the things I’ve asked of him were too much or too difficult to do. I didn’t ask for a zillion hard tasks. I just asked for a few simple ones, but everything’s Andy, Andy, Andy. Even he’s told me he’s basically gonna do what he wants and not give a shit about what others want. No wonder he’s alone. How could he ever be in a successful relationship? He won’t do shit for others, and if he does, it’s only if he can get something out of it. How much you want to bet that if Andy was offered money to not chew in my ear - no problem.

This probably won’t do me any good, since he never gave a damn about reading the journal I wrote him for a previous birthday of his, but I’ve done for him what I’ve done for the freeloaders and I’ve assembled together journal excerpts that go back to around the fall of ‘97 that I’ll mail him upon moving (along with his tape of calls left to him on his voice mail). This way, if he has any questions about why I’ve walked away from him, he can read all about it, not that I haven’t gone over this same old shit with him for how long now?

I don’t hate Andy. I will always love him and carry him within my thoughts for the rest of my life. However, I don’t like him, and while he may have no self-respect, I do. I think I deserve friends who are sober and who have a fair balance of give-and-take within them. I will miss him when I’m gone and I will always wish/hope for the best for him in work, love, health, home, friends, happiness, etc., but I also need to move on here. He has a right to be himself and so do I. I have to do what I have to do and cut people like this out of my life. If he wants to be a selfish loser, let him be. Like he can’t call Michelle every day? Isn’t she enough? He said they talk every day, so why does he have to call me every day? Michelle’s perfect for him. More perfect than I ever was cuz she’s a pothead along with him and she eats like a pig too.

Anyway, I’m just too good for him in my mind, and that’s being a selfish, conceited bitch myself, then that’s exactly what I am, and I, like Andy, have no regrets about how I am. He shouldn’t really miss me, when I think about it, anyway. Why should he? We have nothing in common anymore.

When it does come time to move and check him out of my life, I’ll block Marla from emailing me, cuz although I know she understands my feelings/frustrations with Andy, I don’t want her constantly emailing me telling me to get back with him. I respect her and Andy, but like I said, I have to do what I have to do. Come this summer - it’s my time to be selfish. The last thing I want is for my life in my new home to be marred by his constant calls and annoyances. I’m not gonna have as much time then to play phone with him, cuz I really believe deep down that I will be a doll maker. At least, there’s no reason that I can see as to why I couldn’t be. It’s a pretty cut-and-dry thing. I feel God’s on my side with that one, but if it turns out he’s not, I’ll still want to live my life in my new home, which will be busier with lots of things, without him pestering me and making me feel like he doesn’t give a shit about me.

In dumping Andy, I won’t have to worry about him giving our new address or number to Tammy, cuz she will try to find me. At least, I think she will, cuz Tammy doesn’t give up or let go of people too easily. Andy, being the wonderful, true friend that he is, wouldn’t respect my wishes and not give her any info. He’d do what he thought should be done. Of course, if they do find me, that doesn’t mean I have to acknowledge them, either. I can still ignore them and go my own way. Perhaps a lot of people would say that what I intend to do by walking away from Andy is wrong and cruel, but sorry, I feel like I’ve been pushed away. Totally driven away. But I don’t want to play blame and fault here. Like I said, Andy’s who he is whether or not I like it and he has a right to live his life without people asking him to change things, even if they are few and simple little changes, and I have a right to live my life as I see fit.

Enough of Andy for now, cuz I swear, if I think of him anymore, I’ll scream! I am sick to death of him!

Later...

I got new cartridges for the air fresheners. The old ones were dry and cracked, which would explain why we haven’t been able to smell them very well. Walgreens, where Tom went earlier, didn’t have any scents I haven’t tried yet, so he got scents I already have and three free plug-ins. Now I have six plug-ins. I have strawberry in the music room and living room, country garden in the bedroom, and tropical mist in the bathroom and back room.

Tom looked online and discovered that there are stores in Phoenix that sell realistic-looking body parts like what was used to make Bailey. That’s a good sign. He found all kinds of parts and kits.

Speaking of signs, Tom didn’t want to tell me till he found out for sure, but we now have the money to do the prep jobs we need to do in this house cuz he got approved for a new credit card. He said we’d have come up with the money anyway, but if an emergency expense had come up, it could’ve fucked us out of getting out of here in July or August.